


Did you miss me?

by mooncow



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A little, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cooking, Enemies to Lovers, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Inspired by Call Me By Your Name, Love Triangles, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nature, but make it Japan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:33:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 36,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28403280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooncow/pseuds/mooncow
Summary: Oikawa Tooru is heading into his last summer training camp of his third year at Aoba Johsai. Things are going his way to prepare himself and his team win Nationals until Ushijima Wakatoshi shows up. Follow him on his angst filled journey of self-discovery to find love.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi and thank you for even considering reading my humble contribution to the fandom. This is my first attempt at creative writing since the literal sixth grade, so please be kind. This had been a process to me and learned I had a lot less of a moral compass than I thought I did. (Its not even that bad. I don't know what I'm talking about.) Hail the Dark Lord! Anyway, please enjoy. Let me know if you liked it or didn't. Honestly open to feedback!

Oikawa stares out the window. The soft beat of his music falls onto his ears as he watches the bus climb higher into the mountains. His earbuds don’t mask the sounds of his teammates laughing and the persistent hum of the bus’ engine. He watches passively as city streets and shops turn to homes and gardens which turn into countryside. Rice paddies and forests whisk by along with the occasional town.

His knee begins to ache. Oikawa realizes he had been leaning against the window lost in thought and hasn’t moved since the start of their drive. Oikawa sits up and stretches. Taking off his head phones, he turns to Iwaizumi and whines.

“Iwa-chan, are we there yet?”

Iwaizumi glares over at him. Oikawa tries to make a cutesy face, but Iwaizumi just grunts at him. Yawning, Oikawa stretches and leans his whole body into Iwaizumi’s seat, almost knocking him into the aisle. Iwaizumi’s face scrunches up into a frown as he pushes Oikawa back. Oikawa giggles and watches Iwaizumi do his best to mask his smile. 

“Leave me alone, Shittykawa.”

 _Nothing will phase him_ , Oikawa thinks to himself as he returns to looking out the window. Oikawa has been to this training camp every summer ever since he joined Aoba Johsai. He knows the drive. A familiar landmark slides by his window. A shrine just outside the small town near their training camp. _Only about twenty minutes out._ He sighs to himself. This may be the last time he visits this training camp, his coaches’ favorite, a hidden gym. Oikawa laughs to himself at his own stupid pun. This will be his last year at Aoba Johsai, but it won’t be his last year playing volleyball. _It can’t. I won’t let it_. Oikawa forces his thoughts back off of the ledge they were about to jump. That void, that anxiety will not help.

Oikawa puts on his captain-face. He gazes at his reflection in the window. He admires himself. He let his mom cut his hair recently and she cut it far too short. Oikawa never told her, but it’s been making him miserable. He just smiled and gave her a kiss on the forehead, saying thanks mom. Only just this week did his hair finally return to an acceptable length. He brushes into its proper shape with the tips of his fingers and checks all angles before he stands up.

“Listen up!” Oikawa calls his team to attention. Everyone turns back to him and conversation dies. 

“This week is going to be hard work. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: talent is something you make bloom, instinct is something you polish. We’ve worked hard this year. We may not be a team of geniuses, but we have the dauntlessness and pure obstinance not to lose. I believe in all of you. Let’s win nationals!” 

Everyone smiles and returns back to their conversation. Oikawa feels their energy as he sits back down. His words have power and he knows it. Oikawa glances over at Iwaizumi who is engrossed in a game on his phone. 

“Did I do good, Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi doesn’t look at him, just grunts and flares his nostrils a little.

“Come on Iwa-chan! How can I be a good captain without some comprehensive feedback?” Oikawa gives him a pat on his knee.

“You know you did good.” Iwaizumi grumbles under his breath.

Oikawa smiles to himself and returns to looking out the window. Iwaizumi nudges him, but looks down at his hands. He twiddles his thumbs, but doesn’t look at Oikawa.

“Make sure you take care of yourself too, not just everyone else, ok?”

Oikawa smiles, nods, and watches the last couple of minutes of trees and town fly by before they arrive. Oikawa wants to reach out and squeeze Iwaizumi’s hand in gratitude, but he doesn’t. He instead keeps watching the trees and mountains. Oikawa’s thoughts drift to playing volleyball with Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi has always been there for him. Though his anxieties and pettiness, Iwaizumi has always been his person. It's been so many years since they started playing together and this one could be their last together. His throat feels tight, but he ignores it. _Just focus on what you see in front of you._

The bus begins to slow as they bump down the dirt driveway to their destination. As the bus lurches to a stop, the team grabs their bags and files out of the bus into the grassy field outside the gyms and guest house.

“Alright boys,” Coach Irihata belts out to them, “Let’s make this a good week. I want to see you work hard and up your game. We have intense competition rising to meet us this year, so let’s be the best we can be. Understood?”

“Yes sir!” Though Oikawa responds, he isn’t listening. Another bus, albeit smaller, stands parked next to the guest house. Honestly, it’s more of a car. _Is another team training here too this week? No, that bus couldn’t fit a whole team. Maybe it was a group retreat of some kind? Maybe_. Oikawa is puzzled. They had always been alone when they had practiced here before.

“You have an hour to get settled in and have lunch before afternoon practice. See you all in an hour!”

“Yes sir!” The team files off towards the guest house.

“One more thing, I almost forgot,” Coach Irihara calls out after them, as they begin to wander towards the house, “another group will be sharing the space with us. We will be staying exclusively on the second floor and will only be using Gym A. See you all in an hour.”

“Yes sir!”

The team begins mumbling amongst themselves, slowing growing in strength and curiosity, until Yahaba finally asks,

“Oikawa-san, do you know who else is here?”

Oikawa shrugs and shakes his head.

“No, probably some local team or something. The bus is so small and it has a Miyagi license plate; it's probably not anyone we know.”

Oikawa flashes them all a soft half smile, reassuring but casually so, just enough to convince them, and himself, that whoever decided to join them won’t disrupt their practice or become overly intimate with their new game plans.

The team enters the house, lining up around, but behind Oikawa.

“Thank you for your hospitality!”

The patroness smiles and waves them in, showing them up to their room. The team is hungry, so they drop off their bags and head down for lunch. Oikawa slowly sets his bag and glances back out the window. _Who could be here with us?_ He heads down to eat lunch as well. _Why is this bothering me so much?_ Oikawa wonders to himself. _What am I worried about?_ He leaves his worries at the door before joining his teammates for lunch. They laugh and joke and eat. Oikawa feels himself smile, truly smile, joy emerging from within. He is grateful for his team.

After lunch, they all head back up to their room to get ready for practice. Everyone is still having a good time, smiling and having fun together. Even Kyotani seems to be a little softer than usual, breaking from his usual terrifying expression, to chuckle at Watari’s jokes. Oikawa feels comforted. _This will be a good week I can already tell_. 

Oikawa doesn’t notice the footsteps overhead of people moving on the third floor or when they head downstairs. Neither does he notice the mauve and white jersey that walks out of the very same house he is staying in across the field to Gym B.

“Hanamaki!” Oikawa yells while sending the ball in a fast arc, with little to no spin, across the court to the wing spiker. The line shot almost smacks the ground but Watari gets there first, digging it up with impeccable form. This afternoon has been a sequence of three on three’s while Coach Mizuguchi works with some of the first years on form and control. _It’s all really just a warm up to help us get in the zone so the real work can begin tomorrow,_ Oikawa thinks to himself. 

He watches his team around him. He can feel their energy, their focus, their love of volleyball radiating off of them. The more they play together, the more Oikawa can feel and understand. _I have big plans for this year_. While the ball is in the air, he can feel his intuition sharpening. Matsukawa receives the ball. It seems to fly casually up into the air. Oikawa feels alive. He can see where his team is. There will be a slight gap between Yahaba and Iwaizumi if I set the ball to the far right and it will force Watari to have to run the length of the court to receive it. Oikawa locks eyes with Hanamaki as he changes his stance to feign setting to the left towards Matsukawa, setting it quickly and directly to Hanamaki. The ball slams on the court floor, centimeters from Watari’s finger tips. The plan is executed perfectly.

Yahaba, Iwaizumi, and Watari curse, while Hanamaki and Matsukawa smirk. They all turn to their captain for feedback and the perfect words to keep them motivated and inspired. Yet Oikawa seems far away, looking out the door towards Gym B. _Was that? No_ . _Why would he be here?_ Afternoon light streams through the open doors, illuminating the dust and small insects drifting through the air outside. While Oikawa set the ball to the right, he thought he saw a purple and white jersey walk by. _It can’t be him. He’s supposed to be training with the National Team._

Oikawa feels Iwaizumi’s hand on his shoulder. The familiar touch snaps him back to reality. They all look at him concerned. It’s not like Oikawa not to have something to say.

Oikawa puts his right arm behind his head and gives them a half smile. 

“Is that all you’ve got? Come on guys, quit being so predictable.” They all smile. Oikawa is relieved. They must not have noticed. _I can’t let myself lose this momentum_ . _I have to be present for my team_ . But he can’t help himself, he looks back to the door. Overgrown grasses sway in a gentle breeze. Oikawa can feel Iwaizumi’s eyes on him, searching. _I can’t stand this. I can’t let my team down._ Oikawa puts on his winning smile, one so bright, it's blinding. Iwaizumi can see right through it. _Damn, he knows._

“What’s wrong Iwa-chan?”

“What’s wrong with you? You’re off your game.”

 _Shit._ _He noticed._

“Haha! Iwa-chan! What are you talking about? I read you like a book in the last game.” Iwaizumi scowls at him and scoops up a ball. He chucks it at Oikawa, who squeals and jumps out of the way to avoid it.

“Mean! Iwa-chan! Violence isn’t the answer. If you want to tell me something, use your words.” Oikawa crosses his arms and turns up his nose aloofly. Out of the corner of his eye, he can feel Iwaizumi groan. 

“Well?” Oikawa demands. He looks pointed at Iwaizumi with an eyebrow raised. 

Iwaizumi looks at the floor. 

“Are you worried about me, Iwa-chan?” Iwaizumi flushes slightly, a subtle pink tint spreads across his cheeks. Oikawa smirks at Iwaizumi, as he shakes his head and joins the others on their water break. Oikawa looks back out the door and mentally smacks himself. _Get it together._

The team reconvenes. They have receiving drills next, followed by serving drills, and will finish the day with set-spike drills. Everyone lines up to practice receiving. _Get the ball up and off the ground._ Coach Irihara stands on a stool and spikes balls down erratically. They each take turns diving left and right to get them up. Oikawa feels sweat pouring from him. He shakes it off and the droplets catch the light and glisten as their plummet towards the floor. He dives for the ball and gets it up flawlessly with a high trajectory. The ball lands about one meter away from the net. _Perfection._ Oikawa jumps back to his feet, ready. His right knee twinges after landing his full weight on it. But he shakes it off. He stretches while he gets back in line.

Serves are next. Oikawa is proud of his serve. He spent tireless hours perfecting its speed and precision. Only a truly formidable adversary can stop his serves. Even on his own team, few enjoy or even want to try to receive them. Oikawa grabs a ball and hits it against the floor a couple of times. He looks up getting ready to toss it, but pauses. Across the court, Iwaizumi walks across the backline. He grabs the collar of his shirt, lifting it over his face to wipe his sweat. Even though their team shirts are loose polyester material, Iwaizumi’s arms still bulge against them. His biceps strain against the constrictive fabric. Simultaneously, the innocent movement exposes Iwaizumi’s stomach and lower abs. Time seems to slow for Oikawa as sculpted musculature distracts him. Defined abs muscles give way to a pronounced v-shape that is promptly cut off by an elastic waistband. Oikawa swallows loudly. _Focus._

Oikawa takes a deep breath and tosses the ball into the air. It’s a good toss. He moves forward tracking the ball with his eyes. Step, step, step, jump. In the air, he feels someone watching him. Someone outside. _Don’t lose sight of the ball._ He can’t help himself. He glances over and there he is. Purple and white. Ushijima Wakatoshi staring at him in the doorway. His hands sit casually in the pockets of his warm up gear. His stare. Oikawa forces his eyes back to the ball and cleanly hits it, despite the distractions. He lands further forward than usual and feels pain in his knee. _Not good. Not good. Not good._

His focus snaps back to the doorway, which now stands vacant. Only forest stares back at him.

 _Damn, my knee hurts._ Oikawa tries his best to walk without limping to the wall. _It’s the first day of camp damn it!_ No one seemed to notice, but then Oikawa feels Iwaizumi’s eyes. Oikawa looks over at him, smiling a little—his expression cracking under Iwaizumi’s stern gaze.

“Don’t look at me like that Iwa-chan.”

“You landed badly on your knee didn’t you? I saw you land on it earlier too.”

Iwaizumi glares at him with intensity.

“Iwa-chan, are you my mother?”

Iwaizumi just glares at him harder. Oikawa can feel his worry behind his unchanging, slightly terrifying expression. _Why does he make me feel so guilty?_

“You need to take care of yourself. Tell Coach to give you a break.”

“If only I could walk over there to tell him. You said my knee is injured, so I can’t move from this spot for fear of injuring it more. Iwaizumi-san please take pity on me. I am in more pain than I have ever endured.” Oikawa jokingly places his hand on his forehead faking as if he was about to pass out. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Iwaizumi pick up a volleyball and turn towards Oikawa. Oikawa flinches out of habit. Iwaizumi grins devilishly at him. Oikawa sticks out his tongue at Iwaizumi. _I won’t let him know how much it hurts. I can’t let him down like that, not on the first day._ Iwaizumi rolls his eyes at him and walks over to Coach Irihara. Oikawa’s gaze is drawn back out the door. _No one is there._ Oikawa takes a deep breath and then a sip of water. _Calm down. No one is there_.

“Oikawa-kun, how’s the knee?” Coach Irihara walks over to him, Iwaizumi in toe.

“I landed on it too hard earlier and it hurts a bit, but I should be fine.”

“Let me see you walk on it.”

Oikawa chuckles a bit, putting his hand behind his head, rubbing his hair. He can’t quite look his Coach in the eye.

“No really it's fine.”

Iwaizumi groans and rolls his eyes yet again. He looks back at Oikawa, eyes throwing daggers. Oikawa has to stop himself from flinching. Coach crosses his arms. _Well, I guess my charms can’t work on everyone._ He goes to take a step, but his body hesitates. Before Oikawa can register the pain, his knee crumples under his weight. Pain in his right knee shoots up through his leg. Nothing permeates his thoughts other than the nerves begging for relief and a pair of strong, toned arms wrapping around Oikawa. He has no other choice but to sink his weight into those arms, firm and muscular. Embarrassment flushed over Oikawa's face as Iwaizumi attempts to get words out of him. Oikawa can barely process the spectacle at hand: _falling into Iwa-Chan’s arms. How perfect!_ He can only hope that his bangs and downward stare can hide the tears welling up in his eyes. _Hold them in. I can’t look them in the eyes. I didn’t take care of myself and I have let my team down._ Coach Irihara sighs.

“Take the rest of the day off. Do some stretches. Take care of yourself, Oikawa-kun. We’re all counting on you.”

Iwaizumi pulls Oikawa to his feet and helps him to the door. Strong arms hold Oikawa close and he can’t help but inhale Iwaizumi’s familiar scent. For almost as long as Oikawa can remember, Iwaizumi has smelled the same: citrusy soap and mint toothpaste. Today is not different, despite the sweat and hours of volleyball, the sweet, fresh fragrance lingers. The two reach the door of the gym. 

“I’ll be fine from here,” says quietly.

Iwaizumi snorts. “‘Kawa, why can’t you let me help you?” Oikawa sees a softness in Iwaizumi’s gaze that he knows is only reserved for him.

“W-What Iwa-chan? Gone soft have we?” _Fake it. Fake it. Fake It_. “I’ll be fine. I’m just going to go sit under that tree and stretch my knee out a bit.” The tenderness of Iwaizumi’s voice and gentle eyes impacts Oikawa more than he’d care to admit. Oikawa looks down and prays the dryness of his eyes doesn’t become tears.

Iwaizumi just shakes his head, frowning, and jogs back to practice. Iwaizumi thinks to himself, _he knows he can rely on us too, right?_

Oikawa turns outside. He tries to walk to the tree, but cannot. _I need the wall for support. Damn it!_ Tears come and begin to well up along his bottom eyelashes. He tries to hold them back, but to little avail. They obscure Oikawa’s visions as he looks out at tall grass, waving gently in the wind. Oikawa leans against the wall and limps along to the shade on the north side of the building. He wipes tears away with his forearm and takes a deep breath. He sinks down in the tall grass and stares at the sky. It is a clear blue day fading into a golden yellow sunset. Gusty breezes warmed by the summer sun push the trees gently towards Oikawa. Oikawa closes his eyes and breaths in the clean mountain air. _Ushijima isn’t here. I am imagining it. But even if he was here, it doesn’t matter._ It’s fine. _Everything is fine._

Oikawa leans his head against the wall of the gym and begins to stretch. He massages his knee. He takes a deep breath and feels the tears dry on his face. This has happened before. It’ll pass. His knee twinges, but it has stopped spasming. Oikawa begins to stand up. _I can put weight on it. Good._ He stands. _I am not scared of Ushijima Wakatoshi. He is a formidable opponent. His serves rival mine and his line shots are impressive. Honestly, everything he does is incredible. And he does it with so little effort._ Natural talent and a genius pop up in Oikawa’s mind. He shakes his head trying to rid it of them. But the thought, _I wish I was him_ , is relentless. Oikawa takes a breath, testing his knee again. It is still tender but it can support his weight now. 

Oikawa’s mind continues to wander to Ushijima as he keeps stretching. _Those eyes. Ushijima’s eyes._ Oikawa takes a sharp breath. He had forgotten about his eyes. When Oikawa had played against him in the past, he hadn’t taken active consideration of those eyes. They carried an intensity that Oikawa couldn’t express. A ferocity, a fire. In his eyes, Ushijima becomes almost the living embodiment of volleyball. Oikawa feels scared, small even. _I can’t have that kind of intensity, that kind of dedication, but I can’t lose to him. I won’t._

Oikawa switches to a new stretch. The hair on the back of his neck stands up on end. Oikawa whips around. Ushijima Wakatoshi is leaning against the gym, arms folded, watching. Oikawa wants to jump back. He feels his pulse rise and his breath catch in his throat. _I am not afraid of him._

Oikawa finds his composure. He smiles jeeringly and pushes his hair up out of his face.

“So it _is_ you.”

Ushijima makes no move. His expression does not change. He stares at Oikawa, brow furrowed, eyes blazing. _He looks like he's playing a game._

“What brought the famous Ushiwaka-chan all the way out here into the countryside? I would have thought you had practice with the National Team.” 

Oikawa holds himself together through sheer willpower. He can barely hear through the beating of his heart. He hopes the obnoxious nickname will mask his lack of composure. He had never stood so close to Ushijima, without a net between them. _I am not afraid!_

“Is your knee ok?”

 _This can’t be happening._ Oikawa almost takes a step back. No charming come-back. Nothing could have prepared Oikawa for that.

“Uh yeah um it's fine. I guess. Just landed wrong.”

“I hope it wasn’t my fault. I couldn’t help staring.”

“Oh no. Not at all. I fell on it earlier.” Oikawa laughs and waves Ushijima off. 

He puts his hand behind his head and smiles a winning half smile, but he can’t force himself to look Ushijima in the eye. Oikawa can feel Ushijima’s eyes on him. _This feels like how the sun feels when your skin is starting to burn._ Oikawa can’t take it anymore. He looks up, slowing. Ushijima is smiling, smirking in fact. _Smiling? He’s smiling? Does he think this is funny?_

Still smirking, Ushijima turns to leave. Oikawa can’t contain his frustration.

“What are you smiling about? You think you can just drop in on my practice and throw me off my game? I’m not scared of you!”

Oikawa clenches his fists to keep from shaking. He can feel his face is red and his brow scrunched up. Ushijima looks back. His eyes are like fire. Oikawa feels like his chest might collapse. In an instant, his anger dissipates and turns to something else. Ushijima just shakes his head, still smiling, and walks away.

Oikawa sinks to the ground. _I want to curl up into a ball and die. How is he so effortlessly like that!_ He puts his head between his knees. He yelled at Ushijima Wakatoshi. He had told him he wasn’t afraid of him, just like what young children are supposed to say to their bullies. _Oh god._ Oikawa hears footsteps.

“What do you want!” he yells before even looking up.

“Geez, well fuck you too. Just telling you we’re getting dinner.” Iwaizumi shuffles away grumbling. _Damn._ Oikawa gets up and jogs after Iwaizumi.

Oikawa catches up assuringly shouting, “Iwa-chan! I didn’t know it was you. I’m sorry.”

Iwaizumi just rolls his eyes while playfully bumping his shoulder against the taller setter’s. 

“Sure ya didn’t” 

“No, Iwa-chan! Really I didn’t!” Oikawa stops walking, feeling flustered. Iwaizumi takes a few more steps before stopping too. 

“Stop pouting Trash-kawa.”

Oikawa has a comically large pout pasted against his face and a pair of folded arms to match.

“I am not pouting! Iwa-chan is so mean!”

Iwaizumi turns around and gives Oikawa an exasperated look. Oikawa realizes he is indeed still pouting. Iwaizumi walks over to Oikawa, squinting at him. He wraps one hand around Oikawa’s neck and begins to muss Oikawa’s hair with the other. Oikawa squeaks.

“IWA-CHAN! You’re messing up my hair!”

Oikawa tries to pull away, but Iwaizumi’s arms are too strong. Iwaizumi holds him captive with ease. Giving up, Oikawa just has to stand there and take it.

“So much abuse! You brute!”

Iwaizumi let’s Oikawa go and Oikawa immediately begins to try to fix his disheveled hair. Iwaizumi chuckles and drapes an arm over Oikawa’s shoulders. Oikawa begins to wind down and immediately feels comforted by the familiar embrace. Oikawa looks down at the hand so casually hanging over his shoulder. Knuckles and veins protrude from otherwise soft skin on the back of Iwaizumi’s hand, proclaiming the strength of their owner. Rough calluses from years of playing catch ever so slightly on the fabric of Oikawa’s jersey as they walk. Oikawa shakes himself from his reverie, as Iwaizumi leads him back to the guest house.

“Let’s get some dinner.”

Oikawa glances over at Iwaizumi. He has a slight smile sitting casually on his lips. His sharp features are illuminated from the slight of the setting sun. The golden light makes his skin glow softly, highlighting his sculpted jawline and, in Oikawa’s opinion, cute nose. His dark eyes are warm and comforting as he listens to Oikawa’s grumbles. 

“My hair is ruined, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa tries to complain jokingly about his messed up hair as he still attempts to mend it. Iwaizumi laughs along with him. 

“It looks the same.” Oikawa wants to burst out with a retort, but Iwaizumi’s smile makes Oikawa smile and laugh despite himself, all thoughts about Ushijma forgotten.

After dinner, Oikawa breaks off from the others while they get ready for bed and heads out into the cool night. He still feels off from today, even though Iwaizumi did make him feel a little better in spite of himself. He wanders out into the driveway and looks up at the stars. _There are so many out tonight, so many more than I can usually see in Sendai. So many colors thrown across the sky._ It makes Oikawa feel small.

“Is the knee any better?”

A shudder goes down his spine _. Why is he still here?_ Oikawa glances sideways over at the dark figure standing across the driveway from him. His gaze is met by the outline of broad, strong shoulders and a set jaw. Oikawa reprimands himself for letting Ushijima get to him so easily.

“What do you want?”

Oikawa feels very irritable, the embarrassment from earlier has not worn off.

“To know if your knee is still any better.”

“Why does it matter?” he bites back to the taller boy. 

Oikawa storms off back inside the guest house, leaving Ushijima in the shadows alone. Oikawa feels heat edging into his face. _What’s his problem? Can’t he just leave me alone?_ Guilt squeezes into the corner of Oikawa’s conscious mind. _I have nothing to be guilty for. He’s doing it to throw me off my game. It’s part of some plan._ Oikawa had never felt this flustered in his life. He felt embarrassed and nervous when he saw Ushijima, so why was it that in this moment Oikawa wanted nothing more than for Ushijima Wakatoshi to run after him, to… 

Oikawa didn’t let himself finish that thought. _Ushijima is a competitive rival. Nothing more. I admire his strength as a volleyball player and the commitment he has to his sport. That is all._ Oikawa feels sick to his stomach again. Maybe it was the curry he had for dinner. _If I was him_ still echoes in the far corners of his mind.

Oikawa heads up stairs feeling bad. He is in a bad mood and a little queasy. Walking into the dormitory, the soft hum of friends spending time together greets him. Oikawa sees everyone lazing around and goofing off. Oikawa, still sulking, slumps down on his bed roll with arms crossed, frowning. Oikawa looks over at Iwaizumi for attention. Iwaizumi is lying on his back scrolling on his phone. One arm rests behind his head, propping it up slightly. Oikawa flops down flat on his bed and rolls over to look at Iwaizumi.

“Iwa-chan! I’m bored.”

Iwaizumi ignores him and continues scrolling. Oikawa pouts and scooches closer to Iwaizumi.

“Iwa-chan!”

Still scrolling. Oikawa huffs and puts his arms on Iwaizumi’s chest, resting his chin on the backs of his hands. Oikawa squints at his face. A slight flush spread across Iwaizumi’s cheeks when Oikawa touched his chest.

“Iwa-chan!”

“Not my problem.”

“Iwa-cha~~n!”

Oikawa whines at him loudly, but it doesn’t break Iwaizumi’s focus on scrolling. Oikawa watches Iwaizumi for a bit. Oikawa’s head bobs up gently and down as Iwaizumi steadily breathes. Oikawa notices the arm supporting his head. Biceps bulge through a tight cotton T-shirt. Oikawa wanders to that sharp, sculpted jawline. Then up to those knit eyebrows. Oikawa smiles. _Always so serious. How can he always look so serious? How can some one so kind look so mean?_ Oikawa pulls one hand out from under his chin. Pretending his middle and index fingers are legs, Oikawa walks up Iwaizumi’s chest and flicks him in the chin. 

“AH! Fuck off!”

Iwaizumi pushes and kicks Oikawa off of him onto his own bed rolls. Oikawa cackles as Iwaizumi struggles to move his dead weight away from him. Finally, Iwaizumi rolls Oikawa away.

“Iwa-chan! You’re so mean!”

“Literally, leave me alone.”

Oikawa giggles as Iwaizumi turns away from him, still scrolling. Oikawa catches a little smile pluck at the corners of Iwaizumi’s mouth and a red tint to the tips of his ears. Oikawa smiles to himself, feeling significantly better, and lays flat on his bed looking at the ceiling.

The next morning, Oikawa wakes up to bright white morning light streaming in through the second story windows of the guest house. Everyone else is still asleep. Oikawa stands up and tests his knee. It feels much better than yesterday. He stretches and quietly gets ready for practice. He carefully tends to his hair, getting it to fall just so, before heading downstairs. The old guest house creaks loudly as he walks. The old wood flexes under his feet while he heads into the dining area. It is empty except for Ushijima, who is already eating breakfast. _Of-fucking-course he’s already up_ . Oikawa doesn’t look at him and sits down on the opposite side of the dining area, facing away from Ushijima and out the window. _I don’t want to think about him. I have to be present for my team._

Oikawa eats breakfast alone. His team begins to trickle down as he finishes. He has almost forgotten about Ushijima, until Kindaichi sits down next to Oikawa.

“Did you see that insane spiker from Shiratorizawa is here? What’s his name? Ushiwaka?” 

Kindaichi fails to whisper and Oikawa feels more embarrassed.

“No, I didn’t notice the nationally recognized volleyball player that I personally have a somewhat significant rivalry with. Who could you possibly be talking about?” 

Oikawa smiles mockingly. _I was so close._ The team begins to whisper excitedly.

“Well, he’s sitting right there!”

“Wonder what he’s doing up here?”

“Go ask him yourself.”

The silent is palpable. _At least I’m not alone in that regard._ Oikawa feels relieved that his teammates also feel a little fear of Ushijima. He feels a little less alone. Soon everyone has eaten, and they head out for morning practice. It’s a long day ahead of them, starting off with a run, followed by some practice matches, drills, receiving, serving, setting, spiking, and blocking, and lastly Coach Mizoguchi wants to teach them some new attack strategies. Oikawa feels ready. Work will keep his thoughts at bay. It will help quell the anxiety he feels rise within him every time he sees Ushijima. He doesn’t have time for this fear. It's his third year at Aoba Johsai. _This will be a good season._

Aoba Johsai heads out to practice with everyone in good spirits. They laugh and joke. Playing has brought them closer together.

Oikawa feels ready.

“Good practice everyone. You all showed remarkable energy and cooperation.”

“Yes sir!”

“Make sure you all eat up at dinner.”

“Yes sir!”

Oikawa is exhausted, but he feels a smile creep onto his face. His body aches, but in a good way. In the kind of way that he knows he worked hard and that he will be stronger tomorrow. Oikawa can feel himself getting better at reading his teammates. He can almost always predict where they will go and how they will attack. His mind feels clear. His team shuffle off to dinner, but Oikawa stays in the gym.

“You coming?”

Oikawa looks up at Iwaizumi. He is never phased, the same serious expression stuck to his face. Oikawa smiles a real smile, not one he put on or decided to wear.

“I just want to do some extra stretches. Still a little stiff. Taking care of that knee! Are you proud, Okaachan?”

Iwaizumi groans at Oikawa and puts his head in his hands.

“Shut up Trash-kawa!”

Iwaizumi walks out of the gym. Oikawa can’t help but linger on Iwaizumi as he walks away. Shorts that are just a little too tight hug his rounded ass. Oikawa swallows as his eyes drift down to Iwaizumi defined quads and angled calves. He watches Iwaizumi’s meticulously trained muscles flex under his skin. Oikawa shakes his head and chuckles to himself. He continues stretching. _Just a couple of minutes and I will join them. I need to take care of my knee for them, so I can keep playing like I did today._

Oikawa heads for the door, wondering what’s for dinner. Twilight has fallen, and the sky is a powdery blue. Tiny stars start to blink in the fading light. The night is warm. Cicadas buzz in the tall grasses and the wind continues to rustle the leaves of the trees. Oikawa breaths in the warm air and lets the night breeze cool his sweat. He feels calm. The anxieties and fears he felt yesterday and that morning have faded, but he can’t dispel Ushijima from his head. His eyes haunt him, lurking in the recesses of his mind waiting for a moment of peace to reveal themselves in their horrific splendor. Oikawa shakes his head as if hoping to loosen those memories of his eyes. He steps out into the night.

Someone is standing next to the door in the shadows. Oikawa takes a step back, feeling rather startled. Ushijima looks over at him from his position leaning against the gym wall with his hands in his pockets. He looks over towards Oikawa, slowly, nonchalantly. Oikawa can feel his intense eyes but won’t meet them. His casualness makes Oikawa feel furious. _How can you be so calm when you make me feel so…?_ Oikawa doesn’t have a word for it; he can’t seem to name this linger feeling he’s had in his chest since the moment he saw Ushijima mid-serve.

Ushijima walks over to Oikawa. Just those couple of steps seem to take a lifetime. Oikawa can’t breathe. Ushijima’s eyes freeze Oikawa in his place. The intensity of his gaze makes Oikawa feel undone. Ushijima is too close. Oikawa tries to step back, but hits something hard. The gym wall is much closer than he anticipated. Oikawa, almost unwilling, begrudgingly looks up at him. Ushijima’s eyes blaze against the darkening night sky. _Maybe it’s just a reflection of the lights in the gym_. Ushijima’s eyes are so bright, they drown out the night, shining life and light onto Oikawa. He feels alive. Oikawa can feel the heat coming off of Ushijima’s body through the tight purple and white jersey. Oikawa felt mesmerized by this person in front of him.

“You seem tense.”

Oikawa doesn’t answer. He just stares at Ushijima; he feels his mouth fall open ever so slightly. _Why do I feel so alive right now?_

Ushijima puts his hand on the wall next to Oikawa’s head slowly. Oikawa is paralyzed, unable to move, speak, yell, or run. All he can do is watch. Ushijima leans closer. His eyes have consumed Oikawa’s being. The swirling golden eyes, bright like the sun confronts Oikawa and conquers him.

“What’s wrong?”

Oikawa can’t speak. His body feels like it’s ringing, like the string of a guitar after it's plucked. He feels like he’s vibrating, suspended in space. _What is this feeling?_

“What’s wrong?”

The question finally penetrates Oikawa. He stops himself from gasping.

“Nothing’s wrong. Why do you ask?... Ushiwaka-chan.”

Ushijima smiles slightly at him. Not ten centimeters away from his face. Oikawa can feel Ushijima’s breath on his neck. The hot puffs of air tickle in a way Oikawa has never felt.

“Suit yourself.”

Ushijima walks away without looking back. Oikawa is still paralyzed. When Ushijima is out of sight. Oikawa slides down the wall to the ground. _What just happened? What is this feeling? For Ushijima?_ Oikawa drags himself onto his feet and forces his feet to walk him back to the guest house.

_I feel so alive._

Day three of training camp begins, much as the previous morning. Oikawa again wakes up earlier than everyone else, spends too much time fiddling with products for his hair, wanders downstairs to sit by the window, and watch the morning light. The colors seem particularly bright today. The sky is a little too blue. It's setting up to be a hot day. The air is already sticky and uncomfortable. Oikawa can feel the heat from the window even in the early morning. The warmth comforts him. 

Eating alone, Oikawa amuses himself by watching some bugs fly in the tall grass outside the window. Each flitting around of their own accord. There is no cohesion, or at least none Oikawa could see. No plan. Oikawa absentmindedly thinks about what it would be like to be a bug. A small flying insect who’s only master is the wind. Oikawa rests his head on the table and watches these flying creatures zip around. _If only I was so free, but what would I do with that freedom?_

“Oikawa-kun, glad to see you’re up. How’s the knee?”

Oikawa sits up and smiles as Coach Irihara sits down across from him. The bugs will have to wait.

“It feels fine.”

Oikawa tries to exude sweetness and confidence. _I want to play._

“I’m glad to hear that, but two days of it acting up in a row is cause for concern. I want you to rest today.”

Oikawa’s stomach drops, but he tries not to show it on his face. There’s no use arguing with Coach Irihara, especially on the topic of Oikawa’s right knee; it’s a losing battle. Oikawa attempts a smile.

“No problem.”

This pains Oikawa. He hasn’t been there three days and already he’s letting his team down. _I don’t want to do this to them again_.

“The team won’t fall apart without you for one day. Plus, we owe a favor to the National Team’s coaches for letting us share this space with them. You don’t mind showing Ushijima-kun around the town, do you?”

Oikawa thought his stomach had already dropped to the bottom, but apparently there was much more room to fall. Oikawa exerts all of his will power not to jump up and yell he would do no such thing. He breaks eye contact with his coach and stares at the wood lines of the table. He traces one slowly with his finger. _Compose yourself._ Painting a smile on his face, Oikawa looks up at Coach Irihara.

“I would be happy to.”

“Excellent. You’ve been coming here for years, so you know the area. There are some bikes around back. Take a break.”

Coach Irihara stands up and walks over to sit with the National Team coaches. Oikawa puts his head down on the table and pounds his forehead against it a couple times in frustration. He takes a deep breath and sits up. He rubs his knee a bit and tries to stretch it out a little. It’s still stiff, but it stopped hurting.

“You ready?”

 _I’m not scared._ Oikawa turns around slowly.

“Sure!” Oikawa chirps back promptly while smiling. _This smile is so fake._

Oikawa gets up and follows Ushijima outside. It’s uncomfortably hot. The cicadas are hard at work populating the air with noise. The summer day feels lively. Two bikes are leaned up against the side of the guest house ready to go. Ushijima grabs one and hands the other to Oikawa.

“What’s wrong with your forehead?”

Oikawa reddens before he can look away. _Pounding it on the table. Damn. What do I say?_

“There’s nothing wrong with my forehead.” Oikawa mumbles under his breath and aggressively yanks the bicycle away. He speeds down the driveway to the country road. _This is fine!_

Oikawa is inexplicably angry by this task he was assigned. In retrospect, Ushijima hadn’t actively done anything to warrant such an emphatically frustrated response. He had been nothing but cordial, and even friendly to Oikawa since the week had begun, which only riled up Oikawa more. He whizzes down the mountain road away from Ushijima. In truth, it’s not a mountain road; it’s a flat road that runs through a valley that is in the mountains. Oikawa senses Ushijima already caught up with him. _I could never out ride that machine._

Together they pedal towards the village. The road is lined with lush foliage, and Oikawa can see the tops of mountains peaking over the trees. Their green faces look down on the two of them riding along a country road in silence. They approach a slope and Oikawa lifts his feet off the pedals and coasts down, gaining speed. He seemingly forgets that Ushijima is there, quietly, methodically pedaling behind him. Oikawa playfully weaves to and fro across the quiet street, legs outstretched in front of him: care-free. Oikawa feels the clean air shooting through his hair. In the shade, the coolness of the air stings his cheeks. A welcomed break from the crushing heat.

They continue to ride in silence until Oikawa slows and eventually stops. The breaks on Ushijima’s bike creak as he slows next to Oikawa. They stop at a break in the trees where a river flows gently under the road and then runs parallel to it into the distance. Its deep, slow current is mesmerizing as light dapples its surface. Oikawa rests his elbows on the handlebar and his chin in his hands, watching the water. Gazing over the side of the bridge, he waits for a fish to jump out of the river. Oikawa watches small insects dip and dive around the top of the water, sending ripples out as they touch the lazy current. It's truly a beautiful day, and Oikawa does his best to ignore the eyes currently scorching holes in the back of his head. No one says anything.

Oikawa decides it's time to leave, with or without the fish. A warm breeze propels his bike forward as he continues down the road towards the village. Here and there houses pop up on the forest-lined road, but the street still remains empty of cars and foot traffic. They emerge from the forest and cross back across the river on a newer, longer bridge. Two rivers collide before them. Water rushes underneath, swirling with dark and powerful force, only to leave as quickly as it arrived at the bridge. The town is just in sight. Shops and houses line the street, for it was truly a small village in the heart of a valley. Oikawa had often wondered why his coaches chose such a rural and secluded place for their annual training camp. In the past, he had always assumed that high altitude training and the lack of distractions drew his coaches to this town. But today, Oikawa wondered, _was it just for the beauty?_

Tall mountains cradle the buildings of the town and a strong river caresses one side. Verdant green forests blanket the mountains. _Do they turn brilliant oranges and reds in the Fall?_ Rocky peaks and outcroppings interrupt the forest shroud. Dotting some of the crags and sharp ledges of the mountains, tiny shrines peak down at the town. Oikawa stops his bicycle at the end of the bridge and for the first time takes in the impressive sight before him.

“It’s beautiful…”

The words take him by surprise. They left his body of their own free will. Oikawa sighs and shakes his head. _I have no embarrassment left._

“Hmmm?”

“Oh, nothing. Let’s keep going.”

Oikawa broke the silence between them. As they enter the town, his heart stops feeling like it will beat through his chest. A moment of peace.

“Let’s get a drink.” The stoic one suggests. 

“Huh? What?”

Oikawa looks behind him for Ushijima, who had already stopped and dismounted his bicycle. Oikawa swings his bike around and pedals back. His peace is over. Oikawa drops his bike next to Ushijima’s and jogs after him.

“Why?”

Ushijima just shrugs and walks into a tiny tea shop in the heart of the town. Oikawa can’t leave him here. It would be too impolite, no matter how bothersome Ushijima is. Anxiety nags at Oikawa as he tries to brush it off like an overzealous fly, but to no avail. Sighing, follows Ushijima inside. Low tables and dark wood adorns the room. Tapestries hang on the walls. The few guests that are present all seem to be rather elderly. Oikawa watches Ushijima proceed to the hostess and is caught off guard. Oikawa’s gaze traces up Ushijima, his calves are immaculate, muscle definition creating an almost ninety degree angle. The imprints of strong quads peak out under Ushijima’s shorts. Those shorts make Oikawa blush. They are tight and short. Ushijima’s ass is perfectly displayed by them. A thought that it resembled a ripe peach crossed his mind, successfully increasing the blush across his face. His own ass is somewhat of a sore spot for him. On numerous occasions Iwaizumi caught Oikawa checking himself out. Much to Oikawa’s chagrin, Iwaizumi began calling him Flattykawa. Pink and unsettled, Oikawa forces himself to breathe, but finds himself sitting across from Ushijima. Oikawa doesn’t remember ordering or walking past the entryway, but nonetheless finds himself drinking tea with Ushijima. _How did I get here? Was… that view really so entrancing?_ Oikawa shakes his head to clear it and sips his tea.

“How’s your knee?”

Despite the tea and the beautiful scenery, Oikawa is still in a snippy mood with Ushijima.

“Fine.”

“I saw you rubbing it this morning. You looked kind of worried, like maybe it’s still bothering you.”

Oikawa could have flipped the table over, but instead he drank more tea. _Coach Irihara asked you to do this specifically. You can’t let him down._

“It’s just a little stiff in the morning sometimes.”

_How did he notice that? When did he even notice that? Was Ushijima even capable of observation? Maybe he is watching me._ Oikawa glances up over the rim of his cup. Ushijima’s eyes meet his immediately. Oikawa can’t hold his gaze. _Why does he always look so intense!_ Oikawa’s heart pounds. _Does he actually care about me?_ Oikawa could find no other explanation, besides that Ushijima is plotting to take him out for the season, which seemed only slightly more unlikely than Ushijima showing actual concern for his well being.

“Why did you pick Aoba Johsai?” _Oh, this again!_

“They are my best chance at going to Nationals.”

“You should have come to Shiratorizawa.”

“So you keep saying,” Oikawa scoffs and looks away, but Ushijima keeps staring. _What does_ he _know?_

The ride back is silent. Climbing up the hill is surprisingly difficult for Oikawa. He is out of breath before they even reach the end of the houses. Ushijima passed him as they rode over the bridge. Oikawa watches him from behind and can’t help but compare himself to the taught muscular frame freely coasting up the mellow slope. His knee twinges a bit as they steadily climb up the road back to the camp. It’s just past midday and the heat from the sun has pierced the density of the forest. Oikawa can feel himself begin to sweat. Oikawa sees the river reappear on the side of the road, glistening blue in the sun. Suddenly, Oikawa feels a sharp pain in his right knee. It freezes and spasms.

_Shit. Ow_.

Oikawa falls to the ground, sliding a bit on his right side. _My knee, shit._ Oikawa winces and pushes himself up with his left arm and examines his injuries on his right. Long scrapes run across his right arm and on both knees. The skin is raw and torn up, but it's not deep. Oikawa is in pain and finds himself somewhat trapped under his bike. His right knee is still spasming, so there is little he can do to free himself. Oikawa looks around dumbly for something to help him off the middle of the road. Before he can fully wrap his head around how exactly he fell off his bicycle, he is lifted up into the air.

Strong arms envelop him and Oikawa can feel Ushijima’s muscular chest and abdomen pressing against his side. Oikawa is stunned and there isn’t time to yell or think before he is gently placed under a tree on the side of the road.

“Are you ok? Was it your knee?”

Oikawa blinks blankly as Ushijima assesses his wounds. _How did I get to the side of the road?_ Realizing, Oikawa’s mouth falls open a little and he turns scarlet. _No, no, no this can’t be happening!_ Horror fills him. Oikawa tries to look away as he feels his embarrassed tears rise in his eyes, but Oikawa can’t look away. Ushijima is looking up into Oikawa’s eyes. Bright amber with swirling dark depths. Oikawa can’t look away; he is entranced. Ushijima’s eyebrows are knit tightly together and his mouth is slightly puckered. _Iwaizumi always makes that face at me when I do something stupid_. Oikawa doesn’t process Ushijima’s question at all; he is too focused on Ushijima’s face.

“What happened?”

“uh… my knee… I’m not sure. The hill must have pushed it too far.”

“Does it hurt?”

All Oikawa can do is nod. He hasn’t taken his eyes off Ushijima for even a second, and Ushijima hasn’t broken his gaze either. Oikawa feels exposed under the pressure of his gaze. Oikawa can feel himself blushing more intensely by the second.

“Where?”

Oikawa points vaguely. _I don’t even know if it hurts. I don’t know anything_. Everything in Oikawa’s world has shrunk down to Ushijima. Those lively eyes consume Oikawa.

“Can I do anything? Rub it?”

Oikawa isn’t listening. He sees Ushijima’s mouth move. His lips form familiar sounds. Those sounds reach Oikawa’s ears, but he can find no meaning. Oikawa finds himself nodding. Ushijima looks away, but Oikawa continues to stare. When Ushijima’s strong, rough hands touch Oikawa’s knee, the meaning of those words hit. Oikawa’s body all goes stiff under Ushijima’s touch. Every fiber of Oikawa’s being hums and twangs under this touch. It is overwhelming. Oikawa covers his mouth to stop from audibly gasping.

“Did I hurt you?”

Ushijima’s stern, but concerned face turns back up to Oikawa’s. _It’s the same expression Iwaizumi gives me._ Oikawa shakes his head, still covering his mouth. His eyes are watering. 

_Touch me more._ Oikawa feels himself think this. He tries to relax his body, but Ushijima’s touch as he massages Oikawa’s knee builds tension. His rough hands rub with a firm but gentle weight working away the tightness and pain in Oikawa’s knee. Oikawa shivers.

_Kiss him._ Oikawa’s already pounding heart begins to race. _Kiss him_. Oikawa leans forwards towards the person who is caring for his knee. He reaches out and grabs Ushijima’s chin turning his head towards himself. Though Ushijima’s eyes show surprise, eyebrows slightly raised, he doesn’t resist. Oikawa bends his knee, with no pain, and leans closer. He is centimeters from Ushijima’s face. Ushijima’s lips part slightly and Oikawa can feel his warm breath blow against him. Oikawa pauses, breaking eye contact with Ushijima to look at his lips. Only for a second, Oikawa sees them, delicate and pink. Oikawa looks back at Ushjima’s eyes. They shimmer with warm brightness. All of Oikawa’s embarrassment has fled. All he sees and feels is Ushijima. Ushijima’s breath starts to become more ragged and sharp. Oikawa dives in.

Their lips press together. Oikawa is surprised by the suppleness of Ushijima’s lips. Compared to the roughness of his hands and pure toned musculature of his body, these lips, like rose petals, delight Oikawa. Oikawa feels Ushijima’s arms wrap around and pull him closer, moving Oikawa as though he were only a feather. Oikawa sinks into the kiss and Ushijima. The softness of his mouth and firmness of his grip entrances him. 

This moment is fleeting, for soon, it all comes rushing back to him. Oikawa’s thoughts jump to a face: Iwaizumi. Before he can stop them, he worries about his friend, his team, his talent, his future. Oikawa pushes Ushijima away and scrambles backwards. Surprise and a bit of hurt spread over Ushijima’s previously peaceful expression. The embarrassed, red hue spreads back over Oikawa’s face.

“Gomen!”

Oikawa pushes himself up onto his feet and takes a step towards the bicycles still sprawled in the middle of the road. The knee buckles under his weight and Oikawa falls forward. Something catches him in his fall. _Just like when Iwa…_ Oikawa looks up into someone else’s face and eyes. _I can’t._ Ushijima’s powerful arms wrap around him. So strong and secure. Everything Oikawa feels he is lacking. Ushijima smells like cheap 3 in 1 shampoo and sweet sweat. Every single one of Oikawa’s senses is filled by Ushijima. _This is not right._ There is no familiarity in this. Every part of Ushijima screams new and different. _He’s not Iwaizumi, but I still want him._ Oikawa sinks back into Ushijima’s embrace. Oikawa wraps his arms around Ushijima and feels back muscles ripple under his touch.

Lifting his gaze up to Ushijima, Oikawa finds something more in those eyes than just the intensity and light he used to see. There is a softness, a kindness floating beneath the surface. Flecks of green dot the amber around those deep pupils. Their sheer depth surprises and thrills Oikawa. Oikawa smiles as he looks into those beautiful eyes. He sees Ushijima smile too and lean closer. Oikawa moves his arms around Ushijima’s thick neck. Ushijima supports all of Oikawa and Oikawa melts. _I want this._ Ushijima’s tongue caresses the inside of Oikawa’s bottom lip. Oikawa opens his mouth more to let Ushijima enter him. Excitement rushes his body and Oikawa kisses Ushijima more firmly. Ushijima holds him closely, squeezing him. Oikawa gives in; he gasps against Ushijima’s mouth. Oikawa tries to lose himself in this moment and in this person, absolutely and completely.

Ushijima pulls away. Their lips slide apart and Oikawa opens his eyes. Ushijima returns Oikawa’s weight back to him, but keeps his arm around Oikawa’s waist to support him.

“I’m sorry. I was too presumptive.”

Oikawa’s eyes shoot up to meet Ushijima in shock.

“I kissed you first.”

Ushijima looks away.

“You’re hurt. I don’t want you to think I am trying to take advantage of you.”

Oikawa does feel hurt. Not because of anything like that, but because Ushijima stopped. Oikawa doesn’t know what to say. Ushijima helps him back to his bike.

“I’ll push you back.”

They go in slow silence back to camp. Guilt creeps into Oikawa’s head. _I should have said something_. Oikawa doesn’t know what he should have said. His head is empty of usable thoughts, just guilt, self-consciousness, and Iwaizumi’s face. Oikawa can feel Ushijima’s hand resting on the middle of his back, pushing him up the hill. His touch makes Oikawa feel hot. He shivers involuntarily. _I like it when he touches me_. Oikawa swallows. _I want him to touch me._ Oikawa can’t help imagine if rough hands were to wrap around him, holding him firmly in place. If strong and precise fingers were to trace down his body, tracing the contour of his abdomen. They would slide all the way down his front. Oikawa imagines the soft gasp that would escape his lips and how he would lean back to see dark hair, dark eyes, and a familiar smile. Oikawa cuts his thoughts off quickly and focuses on the trees around him.

As the slow march continues, Oikawa feels more and more uncomfortable and guilty. _I didn’t take care of myself and now I let Iwa-chan down, my team down, my coach down, and I made things weird with Ushijima._ Oikawa wants to bang his head on the handlebars and scream, but he sits still watching the road in front of him instead. Oikawa can feel himself beginning to panic as they continue up the hill. Waves of anxiety and guilt wash his ability to think cleanly away. _Will I be able to play for the rest of the week? I’ve already missed so much because of this stupid knee. I can’t let them down anymore. It's not fair. It's not fair! I don’t have the talent to waste time on little injuries._

Oikawa’s head feels like it's spinning because even though he feels so many awful things about himself and can’t get his friend out of his head; Ushijima’s hand still rests on his lower back. Oikawa feels Ushijima’s body propelling him forward. Oikawa can’t help himself; he smiles and blushes. That kiss possessed the power to smother his fears, even if only for a second. He is finally starting to see this odd feeling he’s had since he saw the ace from Shiratorizawa manifest itself: desire. Oikawa feels a deep fundamental longing for Ushijima, more than just to have him, but to consume him and to be like him. Oikawa wants to stop the bike and grab Ushijima and hold him close, but he doesn’t. They continue on in silence up the hill and down the driveway until they reach the guest house. Ushijima stops them at the front entrance. He puts down his bike and turns to help Oikawa off his own.

“Thanks.” Oikawa mumbles, almost silently, but Ushijima is close enough to hear. Ushijima looks him in the eyes and smiles a little.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Oikawa feels Ushijima’s breath on his neck and face as Ushijima takes on all of Oikawa’s weight. Disembarking from the bike, Ushijima puts his arm around Oikawa’s middle and almost lifts him off. Oikawa can feel that powerful gaze upon him and the strong arms around him. It is agonizing. _I can’t turn back now_. Oikawa can’t help but imagine what else those arms could do to him right now. No one is around; afternoon practice is in full swing and they have time off… 

As soon as Oikawa is freed from the bike, he tries to hop towards the door hoping to escape those dangerous thoughts. Ushijima sighs and scoops Oikawa up. Oikawa blushes an ugly red and his eyes widen involuntarily. He looks at his knee to avoid Ushijima’s eyes. _He’s smiling at me_. As if crossing the threshold after their wedding, the two enter the guest house, blushing bride and all.

“Have you seen a first aid kit?”

Oikawa thinks for a second, trying to clear his head of all the things he wants Ushijima to do to him. Oikawa feels himself blush more. He found one yesterday to tape Yahaba’s fingers.

“In the first floor bathroom. In the cabinet under the sink.”

Oikawa is carried through the creaky guest house to the first floor bathroom. Bliss and anxiety whirl in Oikawa’s head. The fear of being found by a teammate, by his best friend, fights viciously with Oikawa’s strong desire to be touched by Ushijima. Bliss wins and Oikawa sinks into what he can only assume is a dream. Oikawa leans his head into Ushjima’s chest and closes his eyes for just a second. Oikawa blinks with surprise as Ushijima gently sets him on the counter of the first floor bathroom. Somehow, Ushijima was able to slide open all the doors without Oikawa noticing. 

Ushijima grabs the first aid kit from under the sink and opens it on the counter. He rummages through it, pulling out alcohol wipes and bandages. Oikawa watches his hands as they sort through the various bits and bobs. They are strong hands. Oikawa never noticed the delicacy of his hands, the light roughness to the calluses on his palm, and the length of his fingers. Like the rest of Ushijima, as far as Oikawa can tell, even his hands are muscular. The tendons and joints are defined against his skin and they nibbly move. Viens overlay the musculature. Oikawa remembers the feel of the calluses on Ushijima’s fingertips and palm. Their roughness is tantalizing to Oikawa. _Touch me again._ Oikawa leans back against the wall and closes his eyes. His embarrassment begins to creep back in, univinted.

“You must think I’m weak.”

Ushijima chuckles. _Did I just say that out loud?_ Oikawa has never blushed so much in one day. _Why did I say that?_

“No, I think you need to take better care of yourself.”

 _Sounds like what Iwaizumi tells me._ Oikawa finds himself far too self-conscious after that exchange and continues to look at the ceiling. He can feel Ushijima’s eyes roam down his body. Oikawa feels butterflies flutter in his stomach. Oikawa feels Ushjima touch his leg and his soul almost leaves his body.

“This is going to sting.”

The alcohol touches Oikawa’s ripped skin. Oikawa gasps out of reflex and grips Ushijima’s shoulder. It stings like he expected, but, since Ushijima did it, there is so much more to the sensation. It hurts… in a good way. Oikawa’s eyes are now glued on Ushijima as he proceeds to bandage the left calf. Ushijima stands leaning forward to grab another alcohol wipe. As he does so, he places his hand on Oikawa’s upper thigh. Oikawa’s heart begins to pound and he feels blood rush to that part of his body. Their faces are not but centimeters away. Ushijima raises an eyebrow.

“This is also going to sting.”

Ushijima whispers it into Oikawa’s ear this time. His voice is husky and his breath hot on Oikawa’s face and neck. Oikawa’s nerves wrieth with anticipation. The sharp sting on Oikawa’s right knee makes Oikawa bite his lip and sink his nails into Ushijima’s shoulder. Ushijima’s thumb rubs Oikawa’s upper inner thigh making Oikawa shutter involuntarily. The rough finger caught and pulled at Oikawa’s shorts ever so slightly. Ushijima removed his hand and bandaged Oikawa’s knee. Oikawa’s thigh tingles with the lingering sensation from the hand. Oikawa yearns for it to return. For Ushijima’s hand to massage and touch him.

Oikawa leans forward to watch Ushijima treating his wounds. The rough hands delicately apply gauze and tape. Ushijima quickly stands up and places his hands on the very top of Oikawa’s thighs where they meet his hips. Ushijima leans forward slightly. Oikawa stares at Ushijima’s eyes, but for almost the first time they are not looking at Oikawa’s. Ushijima stares at Oikawa’s mouth. Oikawa realized his own mouth had fallen open ever so slightly. Oikawa can’t help but stare in turn at Ushijima’s. He sees Ushijima’s tongue ever so slightly run on the inside of his mouth, along the bottom of the top lip. Ushijima suddenly puts more weight on Oikawa’s right thigh and puts his other hand under Oikawa’s chin, pushing it up. Oikawa’s eyes jump to meet Ushijima’s. Oikawa’s neck feels exposed and open. Ushijima pulls Oikawa’s mouth closer to his, still staring, hungry. Ushijima runs his thumb over Oikawa’s bottom lip, stretching it down before letting it bounce back up. 

“Almost done.”

Ushijima moves closer to him. Oikawa becomes aware that he is completely straddling Ushijima. His hip bones press into Oikawa’s inner thigh. Pressure mounts. Ushijima takes Oikawa’s right forearm. Squeezing Oikawa’s wrist, Ushijima runs another alcohol wipe over the exposed, raw flesh. The sting makes Oikawa’s body clench. His head dips back and his eyes begin to water. Focusing on his breathing, Oikawa stares at the ceiling again. Its white paint slightly peels away from itself. Ushijima applies the last bandage. Oikawa moves his gaze back down to Ushijima who is looking at him intently with a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

“Finished.”

Oikawa feels overwhelmed by the closeness of Ushijima, standing in between his legs. _This is what I want_. Oikawa feels relief spread over this body as he gives into his desires. His face, his lips, his eyes, his nose. Everything about him and his perfection makes Oikawa’s body hum. This is true beauty. Ushijima moved closer, leaning his weight slightly to his right. 

“Feeling better?”

The slight smile on Ushijima’s soft lips intoxicates Oikawa, for he had rarely seen such an expression on his face before. These soft eyes radiate beautiful light. Oikawa blushes and looks to the side. Feeling bashful, Oikawa's gaze jumps around the counter, landing on Ushijima’s hand resting on the counter by his hip. It is a beautiful hand. Oikawa picks it up gingerly, rubbing it. He caresses each knuckle, with their defined and solid structure. He runs his fingers over the blue, green veins which protrude strongly. He can feel the muscles ripple under Ushijima’s skin when he flexes his hand. Oikawa brings the hand up to his mouth and kisses it. Oikawa looks up into Ushijima’s amber eyes as he presses his lips gently onto that muscular hand. Oikawa resisted the urge to lick Ushijima’s hand. To skim along those bulging veins with the tip of his tongue. To slide those fingers into his mouth. To suck and lick on each one, with their defined knuckles and rough calluses. Oikawa imagined Ushijima wiping saliva off his lips. Even the thought sent Oikawa into a state of excitement. 

“Thank you.”

The words slip through Oikawa’s lips like a soft breeze through sheer curtains. Oikawa gives into those eyes and leans forward, still holding Ushijima’s hand. 

A sharp knock sounds on the door. Oikawa has no time to process the sound before Ushijima jumps away from Oikawa and the door slides open to reveal Ushijima’s coach. He is a thin, older man with little to no hair. Oikawa blinks at him vaguely. _Could you call it hair?_ Oikawa wonders to himself. _It's more tuft-like._ The Coach’s eyes grow wide upon seeing Oikawa on the counter of the bathroom and a realization sinks into Oikawa’s previously unbothered head. _I’ve been found out_. Oikawa’s worries begin to work double time in his head as he tries to find a worthy explanation to explain what he was doing in the first floor bathroom with Ushijima.

“Oikawa-kun! What happened? You’re all beat up!”

Oikawa is taken aback. He already forgot about the bicycle crash on the way back from the village.

“Oh, I just fell off my bike. Please don’t worry yourself about it.”

“Was it your knee?”

“It's been acting up a bit, but I’ll be alright in no time!”

“This is all my fault. I asked Irihara-san to take Ushijima-kun into town as a personal favor. My deepest apologies. I’ll tell Irihara-san. I insist you take the rest of the day to recover and I am sure he will agree. You need to prioritize long-term healing.”

Oikawa again tries to wave him off with an its-nothing, but the Coach insists on sending Oikawa off to rest. The Coach ushers Ushijima back out to practice while Oikawa limps out of the bathroom and upstairs to the dormitory. It is much more difficult without the help of Ushijima. Oikawa lies down on his bed roll and stares up at the ceiling. The afternoon heat is beginning to drag on him and sleepiness soon embraces Oikawa. Oikawa sleeps for an unknown period of time. When he wakes, his bandages and the giddy joy in his stomach are the only things that prove to Oikawa that what happened today was real. Soon he hears his team filling up the stairs to shower and get ready for dinner after a long day. Oikawa sits up and turns to the door as they burst in. 

“Stupid-kawa! What the _hell_ did you do?”

Iwaizumi’s pinched face meets Oikawa in the doorway. The rest of the team pushes through. 

“What happened?” 

“Jeez, Oikawa!” 

“How did you manage that?”

Oikawa explains simply that his knee cramped a little and he carelessly fell off his bike, with a laugh. _No need to worry my team_ . Oikawa secretly thanks the Gods that no one pressed him for details, as they all file off towards the showers. He smiles a bit and narrows his gaze at Iwaizumi, who hasn’t moved from the doorway. He stands, arms crossed, glaring at Oikawa. Despite the annoyed expression that screams I-can’t-comprehend-how-you’re-such-an-idiot, Oikawa can see caring in his dark eye. Somehow the aggressiveness of his expression doesn’t enter his eyes, that warm chocolatey brown that turns soft just for him. Oikawa can’t help himself but smile wider. _I can read you like a book._

“Iwa-chan don’t look so worried. It’s only a scratch.”

“A scratch that covers two of your legs and one of your arms.”

“Iwa-chan! Kiss it better?”

Oikawa stretches all of his limbs out towards Iwaizumi while blinking his eye lashes and pouting his lips. Iwaizumi scoffs and storms out of the room, face growing beet red. Oikawa can hear him mumble something about a bigger idiot never having existed. Oikawa shakes his head, still smiling, and begins to rub his knee. It feels a lot better than it did earlier. Iwaizumi storms back through the room and out the door without acknowledging Oikawa. _What’s his deal?_ Oikawa shakes it off and returns to his knee. _Poor knee, please feel better._ Oikawa listens as Iwaizumi pounds down the stairs, across the bottom floor, pauses, and then pounds back up. Without a word, Iwaizumi enters the room and throws a hotpack at Oikawa. Oikawa blinks as Iwaizumi stamps out of the room to the showers. That same angry expression plastered on his face.

“Thanks, Iwa-chan!”

Iwaizumi pretends he doesn’t hear him.

Oikawa gingerly lays the hot pack over his right knee and lays back down. After a while, the team finishes with showers and heads down for dinner. Oikawa gets up warily. Worried about his knee, he cautiously puts weight on it. No pain. Iwaizumi’s hotpack did the trick. Oikawa slowly walks back and forth across the room testing his knee. Soon everyone files by and leaves the room.

“Come on Shittykawa.”

Oikawa looks up to find Iwaizumi waiting by the door, arms folded but with a softer expression than before. He only looks like he’s sulking now. Oikawa giggles to himself and walks with Iwaizumi down to dinner. 

The team sits laughing and eating together. Oikawa knows Ushijima is sitting at another table on the other side of the room, but can’t bring himself to look over. Oikawa laughs along to jokes and tries to fill his brain with anything besides Ushijima. Iwaizumi nudges Oikawa’s side and points at his knee while still chewing.

“How did you manage to fall off your bike and then get back here with that knee of yours?”

Oikawa swallows. _There’s no way I can lie_ . _Deflect._

“Awww! Iwa-chan, so worried. Did you miss me?” Oikawa purrs, but Iwaizumi scoffs and glares at him. Oikawa sighs and mumbles.

“Ushijima helped me…”

“Ushiwaka!”

“Shut up! He’s sitting right there!” Oikawa whispers fersely.

“Geez! Alright I’ll be quieter. What happened?”

“Coach asked me to show him around the village.”

Iwaizumi raises one of his eyebrows and asks loudly, “What? He did?”

Oikawa shushes Iwaizumi again and explains briefly.

“So what, did he carry you back?”

Iwaizumi’s tone is overtly mocking and Oikawa turns fuchsia, despite himself. 

“No!... he pushed me back on my bicycle.,” Oikawa mumbles embarrassedly.

Oikawa punches Iwaizumi in the arm.

“Don’t fucking tell anyone.”

Iwaizumi raises both eyebrows and smiles a little. _He knows something happened between us. He knows._ The thought makes Oikawa feel nauseous. Oikawa continues to look at Iwaizumi with a furrowed brow.

“If you keep frowning, your face will get stuck like that.” Iwaizumi teases.

Iwaizumi stuffs a bite out of food into his mouth to keep from laughing, leaving Oikawa frowning even harder. Iwaizumi smiles into his meal, and Oikawa can’t find the words to give him a proper retort. 

The heat continues into the night. Oikawa feels himself sweating as he lays on his bed, rolling over and over trying to sleep. Perspiration builds on Oikawa’s body and the heat begins to feel suffocating. Oikawa rolls onto his back and spreads his arms and legs out so no body parts are touching. He still sweats. Oikawa looks over at Iwaizumi sleeping quietly next to him. He is so peaceful. No anger or scorn on his face, just tranquility. Kyotani snores loudly from across the room. Oikawa flips on his side in a huff. _I shouldn’t have taken that nap_ . Sleeplessness and sweat push Oikawa out of his bed. _I’ll shower._

The sticky air is filled with the musky smell of volleyball and sweat. It hugs Oikawa as he walks towards the bathroom. The blue, green tiles are cool on his feet. Moonlight and a cool breeze waft in from the high windows. Oikawa wanders into the bathroom which funnels him towards the sinks. He looks at his reflection in the mirror. The moon is bright enough so Oikawa doesn’t need to turn on the lights. He holds his hand up to the middle of his face to divide it. Symmetry looks back at him. Large brown eyes and delicate features face him. Oikawa turns his head and examines his profile and jaw line: sharp. He toys with his hair. It floats into perfect gentle whisps no matter how much he messes it up. Oikawa leans closer to evaluate his pores. _It's a little too dark for this_ he decides and leans back. He looks out the window at the line of trees and bright moon. It almost blinds him with its light.

Oikawa realizes a shower is running. _Who is showering in the middle of the night?_ Oikawa moves around the row of sinks, dragging extended fingertips along the edge of the counter, towards the windows. He tip toes quietly around the edge to the open row of communal showers. Perfection meets Oikawa. At the last shower head, Ushijima stands with his eyes closed facing directly into the current of water. Oikawa’s soul leaves his body

Oikawa peaks his head out a bit more, eyes wide. A low barrier separates the showers from a long bench and rows of hooks on the opposite wall. Oikawa’s mouth falls open as he watches water run through Ushijima’s hair onto his strong, thick neck, then over broad shoulders and a muscular back which ripples as Ushijima pushes water off of his face. His arms flex as he brings them up to his head. Oikawa feels his knees give out slightly as he remembers how Ushijima’s hands felt on his body just earlier that day. Oikawa’s eyes follow the water down further, along Ushijima’s spine, crossing shoulder blades. The indentation of his spine is perfectly framed by even, smooth skin obviously stretched over taught muscle. Oikawa stops moving, admiring his back. Soft dimples lie just above his hips. Perfectly proportioned. _Perfect. Perfect. Perfect._ Oikawa’s eyes continue lower until they are stopped by the low wall. Oikawa feels himself suck in a breath. At his involuntary gasps, Ushijima turns his head. Oikawa stands frozen with one hand over his mouth. For a moment they both freeze. For a brief second Oikawa worries that the drops he sees running Ushijima’s face are tears. Tentatively, he lets out a small whisper.

“Ushijima?”

His tone is laced with concern, but his voice comes out sounding hoarse and scared. However, Ushijima just chuckles and turns off the water. Oikawa is vibratantly red now. He turns towards Oikawa and strides forward, shaking water from his hair. The droplets sparkle as they leave his head and catch the moonlight in their descent. Definition stares Oikawa down. Tight pecs with small brown nipples, followed by rows of abs, all ending with a pronounced v before being rudely interrupted by that wall. Oikawa yearns to take one more step forward, just to get a glimpse of what lay just out of sight behind blue, green tiles. Ushijima grabs a towel that had been lying innocently on the low wall as he rounds the corner exiting the shower and wraps it around himself. A cool smile flickers on his lips as he walks towards Oikawa.

Oikawa trembles as Ushijima walks towards him, dripping. Ushijima walks closer to Oikawa, but Oikawa backs away until he hits the wall between two windows. _God! To be this man._ Ushijima reaches Oikawa. They are so close. Ushijima leans forward and whispers in Oikawa’s ear.

“Did you miss me?”

Oikawa can’t help but shudder as the warm breath reaches his neck. Ushijima hits the wall by Oikawa’s head hard, making him gasp and jump. Ushijima laughs quietly and wraps his big arms around him, almost crushing him as they pull him tighter. The smooth muscle envelopes Oikawa's body and he groans softly. Oikawa sinks into these arms. The dampness of Ushijima has already soaked into Oikawa’s clothes. Oikawa runs his fingers daintily and cautiously down Ushijima’s back. His desire to be consumed by Ushijima and his perfection wins him over. Oikawa wraps his arms tightly around Ushijima and nuzzles his necks. 

A sudden urge takes hold of Oikawa. His nuzzle turns into a bite and his fingers scratch down Ushijima’s back. Ushijima gasps this time. Oikawa returns to nuzzling. Ushijima bites his earlobe, softly, followed by his neck. Ushijima’s hands slide down Oikawa’s back to the bottom of his white T-shirt. His hands then slide up Oikawa’s shirt as Ushijima continues to kiss Oikawa's neck and collarbone. Then one hand slides down to Oikawa’s waist band, thumbings its edge. His rough calloused hands scrape againsts Oikawa’s soft sink. Their roughness and strength reminds Oikawa of the calloused hands he sets to. Oikawa quickly pushes the thought to the back of his mind. Suddenly, Ushijima grabs his hips and then pulls them forward, returning Oikawa to the matter at hand. Their hips touch for the first time. Oikawa grabs onto Ushijima tighter, pursing his lips to keep from moaning. Oikawa feels himself getting hard as he begins to strain against the restrictiveness of his underwear.

Ushijima’s hand moves down further as he begins to suck on Oikawa’s shoulder pulling his shirt out of the way to do so. Fondling his ass, Ushijima pulls Oikawa even closer. He can feel Ushijima beginning to rise between his legs. Oikawa lets out a minute whimper. Ushijima stops and let’s go of Oikawa. Oikawa’s eyes flutter open as he feels Ushijima gently place both hands on the sides of his neck, using his thumbs to push up Oikawa’s chin. Ushijima leans forwards and kisses him.

Unlike earlier that day, this kiss is heavy. Their lips, though still soft, press together in passion. Oikawa feels Ushijima’s tongue run along the edge of his lips. Almost instinctively, Oikawa's mouth falls open to allow Ushijima to explore. Ushijima’s tongue slides into Oikawa’s mouth, probing it. Oikawa nervously brings his tongue towards Ushijima’s mouth. Ushijima kisses Oikawa even harder. Oikawa can’t help himself and moans softly into Ushijima’s mouth. Ushijima begins to kiss down Oikawa’s neck. The soft caresses from his lips and tongue send Oikawa into a trance. He winds his fingers into Ushijima’s hair, almost pulling it. Ushijima reaches the collar of Oikawa’s shirt, pulling it to the side and continuing down Oikawa’s shoulder. He bites him. The sharpness of the bite against the gentle kisses before shocks Oikawa, making him gasp. 

Oikawa wraps his arms tightly around Ushijima, breathing him in. The sweetness of his skin mixes with a freshly showered smell to create that unfamiliar scent. Ushijima slides his hands down Oikawa’s back to his ass. Ushijima lifts Oikawa up, Oikawa wraps his legs around Ushijima, and they slam back into the wall. Oikawa whimpers from the impact. Ushijima looks up into his eyes. There is a tinge of worry. Oikawa smiles and kisses him deeply. Their tongues meet. Oikawa can feel Ushijima’s hardness pressing up on him. _I want this, all of it._

Ushijima sets Oikawa down on the window sill. Their lips work together in unison as Oikawa runs his hands down Ushijima’s back. Oikawa fingers slide along firm muscles. Oikawa savors every single one, craving them for himself. Ushijima is still wet from the shower. Oikawa traced Ushijima’s spine with the tip of his finger feeling out to each subtle vertebrate. 

Ushijima’s hands move quickly and starts pulling Oikawa’s T-shirt off over his head. Oikawa obliges and lifts his hands to make it easier. Ushijima throws Oikawa’s shirt to the ground. Oikawa can see a hunger in Ushijima's eyes. The thought of being desired by Ushijima makes Oikawa feel hot. He flushes vibrantly. Oikawa begins to lower his arm, but before he can, Ushijima grabs both his wrists firmly with one hand. Ushijima pushes them against and holds them to the window above Oikawa’s head. Oikawa’s breath leaves his throat ragged with excitement. Oikawa’s eyes widen as he struggles in vain for a second to free himself. Ushijima’s grip tightens around Oikawa’s wrist. Those eyes burn into Oikawa.

Breathing hard, Oikawa watches Ushijima lean forward pausing slightly. Ushijima bites Oikawa’s earlobe and then drags his tongue down Oikawa’s neck. Oikawa squeaks from excitement. Ushijima’s free hand clumbsily drags down Oikawa’s whole front. Oikawa takes a sharp breath. He begins to untie Oikawa’s pajama pants. Ushijima reaches into Oikawa’s pants and strokes Oikawa’s length slowly. Oikawa throws his head back and gaps for air. Oikawa can feel Ushijima's eyes digging into him as those strong callused hands slide back and forth along him. Oikawa whimpers and struggles to breathe. Ushijima begins to move faster. Oikawa gasps trying not to cry out.

“Haj…”

Oikawa cuts himself off. He breathes hard now, eyes wide. Ushijima begins to kiss down Oikawa’s neck. Oikawa realizes he hasn’t been thinking about Ushijima. In his brain flashes images of dark spiky hair and tightly knit eyebrows. The smell of citrus and mint toothpaste fills his mind. Ushijima removes his hand and places it next to Oikawa. He kisses Oikawa’s lip, but Oikawa can barely kiss Ushijima back because he is still breathing so hard. _No. This is what I want._ Oikawa pulls himself back to Ushijima, pushing his friend from his mind. Oikawa rubs his hands through Ushijima’s hair and pulls him closer, as Ushijima begins to kiss Oikawa’s cheek and then neck. Ushijima nuzzles into Oikawa’s neck while Oikawa’s thoughts race through his head. Ushijima begins to kiss Oikawa’s collarbone and chest, moving slowly lower.

In the swirling chaos of his thoughts, Oikawa decides Ushijima can never know what he is feeling at this moment. Oikawa can feel Ushijima’s hand sliding back down his front, following the path of his lip, and Oikawa knows he is soft. Oikawa catches Ushijima’s hand. 

“Um… what can I do for you?”

Ushijima chuckles a little and straightens back up. He looks at him sideways. His eyes shine a little. It then hits Oikawa. _I’ve never done anything like this to… another person._ More anxiety drips into the sea already writhing inside Oikawa. Ushijima picks up Oikawa’s hands and places them on his hips. Oikawa feels smooth skin and a rough towel. Ushijima watches Oikawa as Oikawa tugs at the towel with his pinky fingers. Oikawa hears it slide to the floor. His hands explore Ushijima’s lower abs. _He has no flaws._ Ushijima begins to groan under his touch and his hip bones dig into Oikawa’s thighs. Oikawa’s nervous, delicate fingers fumble down to Ushijima’s front. Oikawa finds him already hard and wet. Oikawa slides his fingers tentatively down his length. Oikawa gasps slightly and looks at Ushijima with his mouth slightly open. Ushijima smiles as Oikawa’s fingers continue moving down his length. Oikawa’s fingers can’t reach all the way around him. 

Their lips are almost touching. Oikawa can feel Ushijima’s hot breath on his face. Oikawa continues to run his fingers up and down Ushijima’s length. _I’ll just do what I like._ Oikawa starts slowly moving his hand back and forth steadily and rhythmically. Then speeding up, only to slow to his original pace. Oikawa strokes down Ushijima and uses his thumb to play with the tip. Ushijima groans loudly and sinks his head onto Oikawa’s shoulder. Oikawa feels slickness on his fingers and he continues to massage. Fast, slow, up, down. Ushijima begins to breathe harder. Oikawa smiles to himself. Oikawa realizes he likes the feeling of power he holds over Ushijima at this moment. Oikawa owns him. Ushijima grunts, a low guttural grunt. Oikawa feels nails in his back and scalp as Ushijima grips him harder. Warmth spreads over Oikawa’s hands and lap. Ushijima’s breath slows and he begins kissing Oikawa’s shoulder and then neck and then mouth. He presses into Oikawa. They hold each other sinking into their shared warmth and touch. Ushijima pulls away and smiles at Oikawa. He kisses Oikawa softly on the lips.

“I think I’m going to have to shower again.”

Oikawa looks down at the mess they made. He sees his pajama pants are covered in Ushijima. Oikawa laughs and hops off the window sill. Oikawa takes Ushijima by his hands and pulls him closer. Oikawa stands up on his toes and kisses Ushijima on the mouth. Their lips part simultaneously and their tongues softly brush. Oikawa pulls away smiling and leads Ushijima towards the showers. 

Oikawa turns on the tap and hot water floods over them. Steam rises up off of their bodies. Oikawa strips and rinses his pants thoroughly. Oikawa turns around to face Ushijima and wraps his arms around Ushijima’s neck. Ushijima puts his hands on Oikawa’s narrow hips. Here they pause, doused in hot water, taking each other in. Oikawa looks at those amber eyes. No matter how much he tries, Oikawa wishes they were darker brown. Oikawa wishes he didn’t have to be looking up. Oikawa wishes he was here with someone else. Ushijima leans forward and kisses him. Oikawa briefly kisses him back before leaning his head on Ushijima’s shoulder. _Oh God! What have I done?_

Oikawa lays on his bed rolls and stares up at the ceiling, again. Oikawa still can’t sleep. The shower didn’t help after all. He had completely forgotten about his wounds and bandages. Ushijima had to redo them after the shower. Oikawa rolls over and looks at Iwaizumi sleeping peacefully next to him. Tears begin to fill Oikawa’s eyes. Iwaizumi’s face is too much for him. Tears roll down his cheeks, soaking his hair and pillow, as he watches him sleep. Waves of guilt and sadness break over Oikawa’s restless mind. Oikawa turns face down into the pillow letting these feelings rush over him. The pillow smells like Ushijima: 3-in-1 shampoo. _Why am I so stupid!_ Oikawa turns back towards Iwaizumi. _Why do I feel like I’ve betrayed him?_ Oikawa lets his tears lull him to sleep.

Oikawa gets shaken awake. Iwaizumi glares down at him. Oikawa blinks. His eyes are so puffy from sleepiness he can’t open them properly.

“Get up. You overslept.”

Oikawa mumbles something he doesn’t even understand and falls back onto his pillow. Iwaizumi stands up over him and nudges him with his foot.

“Come on Sleepykawa.”

Oikawa rolls face down into his pillow as he feels tears begin to prick his eyes. Oikawa takes a deep breath and pushes himself out of bed. Oikawa sleepily follows Iwaizumi downstairs. His knee feels fine, if only a little bruised, as he heads to breakfast. Oikawa slumps down at the tables and yawns widely. Everyone is eating and chatting. Oikawa begins to serve himself breakfast.

“You smell funny.”

Oikawa freezes and looks over at Iwaizumi slowly. Oikawa forces himself to laugh. Oikawa’s thoughts race trying to find the most casual way to lead Iwaizumi astray. Oikawa turns, batting his eyelashes, towards Iwaizumi.

“Oh Iwa-chan noticed I switched my shampoo. Iwa-chan is so doting!”

Iwaizumi tries to murder Oikawa with a look which makes Oikawa genuinely laugh. _Shit._

Practice is going surprisingly well for Oikawa today. _Serves up. Let’s go._ Oikawa hits the ball into the ground a couple of times before tossing it into the air and running forward. Oikawa jumps into the air and his hand contacts the ball. Oikawa can feel the power and precision as soon as he touches the ball. The ball smacks the ground in the far back corner of the court so fast Oikawa’s eyes can’t even follow it. Its smack reverberates off the walls of the gym. 

Oikawa lands and the gym is silent. Everyone stands gaping at Oikawa. Oikawa smiles to himself. _It's perfect._ Oikawa takes a breath and turns to Iwaizumi who is just blinking at him. Before Oikawa can say anything, Kyotani bellows at him from across the court.

“You almost killed me!”

Oikawa turns and notices Kyotani for the first time. He’s standing on the back line inches from where his serve landed. Oikawa giggles and covers his mouth before yelling back.

“Gomen!”

Kyotani glowers at him and sulks away. Still smiling, Oikawa looks over at Iwaizumi who is smirking at him. Oikawa goes to say something, but the words catch in his throat. Memories of last night bombard him. The guilt he did such a good job of burying emerges from the grave to haunt him once more. Oikawa looks into Iwaizumi’s eyes. Their familiar warmth comforts Oikawa temporarily, but his guilt stalks him. 

“Good serve.”

“Thanks, Iwa-chan.”

When practice ends for the day, Iwaizumi and Oikawa head out last. Oikawa chats about nothing and Iwaizumi nods along. Kicking a pebble mindlessly as they walk, hands in pockets, shoulders occasionally bumping into each other. A dragonfly buzzes harmlessly by them.

“Remember when you were obsessed with bugs?’

“Will you ever live that down? We were kids! And it wasn’t an obsession.”

“Iwa-chan was so cute with his little net and scraped up knees. Searching high and low for a hercules beetle. Such a little scientist, back then.” Oikawa prods Iwaizumi’s shoulder.

“You act as if I have no embarrassment fuel for you, alien-lover-sci-fi-nerd.”

“Says the one with a Godzilla phone case.” 

“Oh, that’s it! You’re done, Shittykawa.” Iwaizumi lunges towards Oikawa, who giggles loudly and jumps out of his way.

“Wow, I must have hit a sore spot. Iwa-chan, what are you doing? Stop chasing me! I’m injured, remember?” Oikawa shrieks as he tries to outrun Iwaizumi. 

The rest of the trek back resembled a fight rather than the nostalgic walk it began as. Meaningless threats floating from Iwaizumi’s mouth in retaliation to cheeky jabs from Oikawa, both reveling in what it means to be young in the summer’s heat. They enter the guest house together. Oikawa continues to blab as they take off their shoes. 

Abruptly, Ushijima rounds the corner into the hallway. Oikawa stops in his tracks, mouth frozen open. Ushijima smiles and walks by him. Oikawa’s eyes track him as he passes. Ushijima holds his gaze for a second and then drags it up and down Oikawa’s body. Oikawa shivers involuntarily. Ushijima bites his bottom lip before he turns and heads out the door. Oikawa turns to see Iwaizumi staring at him with his eyebrows knit together. Oikawa can’t breathe. _He saw. He knows._ Oikawa feels like he’s going to faint and then throw up or maybe both at the sametime. For the first time ever that Oikawa can recall, Oikawa can’t read Iwaizumi’s expression. A blankness confronts him where familiarity usually lies. Before Oikawa can speak or move, Iwaizumi had already turned around and walked into the dining room. All signs of their earlier normal banter gone. 

Dinner is a silent affair for the two of them. Oikawa eats in silent dred with Iwaizumi quietly beside him, earning them questioning stares from their teammates. The silence follows them after dinner heading upstairs. Oikawa’s body screams to speak, but his fear restrains him. Iwaizumi says nothing to him. He won’t meet Oikawa's gaze either. 

Oikawa wakes up feeling exhausted and unmotivated the next morning. He sits up in bed and watches Iwaizumi head towards the bathroom without even a glance in his direction. Oikawa forces himself to get ready for the day. While brushing his teeth in the bathroom, Oikawa looks out the window. He freezes. The bus that is too small to really be a bus but too big to be a car is gone. Ushijima is gone. Oikawa feels numb. _He just left?_ Oikawa spits out his toothpaste and rinses off his brush before heading downstairs for the day. Oikawa can’t quite identify his feelings at this moment. He is confused, a little hurt, but mostly still feeling so guilty.

At practice, Oikawa’s game is fine. He initially worried that it would be off, but he was pleasantly surprised. Morning practice goes well. A few initial hiccups, but nothing Oikawa worries about. As afternoon approaches, Coach Irihara splits them into three-on-three's again. He puts Oikawa and Iwaizumi together. Iwaizumi still won’t look at Oikawa, and it’s beginning to hurt. Oikawa forcibly holds himself together as their match begins. 

Serve! Receive! Set! Spike! Receive! Oikawa takes a couple of calculated steps and sets the ball to Iwaizumi. It feels like a solid set. Oikawa watches its arc go up and over. Iwaizumi’s hand completely misses it. The ball falls pathetically to the ground, bouncing a couple of sad times before rolling forlornly into the wall. They are completely out of sync. 

“My bad!” Oikawa calls out quickly trying to smile sweetly, but Iwaizumi still won’t look at him. Coach Irihara blows the whistle as they reset their positions.

Serve! Receive! Set! Spike! Receive! Again, Oikawa shuffles back on the court slightly taking extra care to send the ball perfectly to Iwaizumi. The ball flies across the court to only fall unhit to the ground. _Is he doing this on purpose?_ Anger and fear rise in Oikawa chest.

“Sorry about that!” Oikawa calls out more forcefully to Iwaizumi who makes no move to respond. Oikawa knows now that it's not anything wrong with his sets. On the side lines, Oikawa can hear Makki and Mattsun chuckle a bit. 

“Dang Iwaizumi! Off your game today?”

Oikawa’s gaze snaps up to Iwaizumi when he hears the comment. _Shit._ Oikawa knows that they meant nothing by it, but Iwaizumi doesn’t seem to get that.

“What did you just say?” A low grumble emerges from Iwaizumi. Oikawa gulps.

“Oh… ah… you just seem a little off your game. If you want to take a break, I’ll switch with you.” Hanmaki attempts to recover. 

Iwaizumi stomps over to Hanamaki and yells directly into his face.

“You think there’s something wrong with my game.”

“No need to get on him like that, geez. What is with you?” Mattsun manages to get out. 

Oikawa is scared. He jogs over to the three of them. Iwaizumi looks truly terrifying. His eyes are fiery and he looks ready to fight. Oikawa has never seen him like this. He knows that Maki and Mattsun have seen him angry, but never in a pure, unadulterated rage. 

“Hey guys. Come now. We’re a team. Let it go, Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi turns slowly towards Oikawa.

“You’re one to talk, pretty boy.”

Oikawa frowns at Iwaizumi.

“Iwaizumi. Come on.”

“No! You haven’t been here all week! You’ve been playing tourist with Ushiwaka!”

Iwaizumi shoves Oikawa hard in the chest and turns back to the other third years. Oikawa steps between them.

“That’s enough Iwaizumi. Leave them alone.”

Iwaizumi glares at Oikawa. Oikawa thought he had seen rage before, but this was new. Iwaizumi grabs Oikawa by the collar, pulling him close, and screams in his face.

“You haven’t been here for us! Get out of my face!” _You haven’t been here for me._ Oikawa corrects in his head. 

Iwaizumi tosses Oikawa aside like a rag doll, and Oikawa crumples and falls to the floor. Oikawa can feel tears in his eyes. He can only hear his own heart pounding as he watches silently as Coach Irihara comes in and separates the four of them. _He didn’t mean that._ Oikawa tries to quell the anxiousness he feels rising inside him with no success. Coach calls practice early and they all walk back to the guest house. 

Oikawa feels shaky while he walks back to the house. The sort of shakiness that makes Oikawa feel his limbs don’t have the strength to hold him up any more. _Iwa-chan has never actually been mad at me before._ Oikawa takes a deep breath, but it becomes more of a gulp. He battles his tears back as he and the team head into dinner. Oikawa sits in his usual spot and waits. But Iwaizumi doesn’t sit next to him, he sits as far down the table as he can. Oikawa feels crushed. He stews in his lonely sadness while he eats dinner. _This is worse than losing a game. Worse than losing to Ushijima or even Kageyama._ Tears build in Oikawa’s periphery. Forcing down the rest of his dinner quickly, Oikawa flees the room.

At the bottom of the stairs, Oikawa pauses. He is alone and his tears begin to fall. _Where can I go?_ Oikawa can’t go to his dormitory or bathroom. There is absolutely no privacy there. Oikawa glances up the staircase. _There is the third floor…_ Oikawa hesitates remembering who had been on the third floor and no longer is. Ushijima’s sudden departure stings Oikawa’s pride and fuels his guilt. _Fuck._ He has had no time to process him leaving and the way things escalated between them, since things with Iwaizumi had gotten so tense. Oikawa quietly darts up the stairs, hoping no one will see him. 

The third floor is dark and clean. Nothing remains of the people who were here before. Oikawa pads softly over the window and sits on the sill. He looks out into the encroaching darkness. _How do I fix this?_ Oikawa buries his face in his hands and cries silently for a minute. He can’t think. He just feels sadness, guilt, and loneliness. Big tears drip from his eyes. Oikawa has always hated that he is a pretty crier. His eyes don’t get puffy or red and his nose doesn’t run. How he feels can never be articulated in his face, his face capable of hiding every emotion. Usually, Oikawa sees this as a blessing, but for crying, Oikawa just wishes sometimes someone else could see his pain clearly. 

Oikawa looks out at the forest. It is still and silent. There is still light in the sky but the usual sounds of crickets are absent. Oikawa sighs as his tears begin to dissipate. He hears the sound of the door sliding open and his head snaps to the door. Iwaizumi stands at the threshold. His head is down and he doesn’t see Oikawa. Hope flutters in Oikawa’s chest. _Did he come looking for me?_

“Iwa-chan?”

Oikawa’s voice is pitchy and hesitant. It doesn’t carry any of its usual melody or confidence. Iwaizumi looks up at Oikawa. In the dim room, it is hard for Oikawa to make out Iwaizumi’s expression, but Iwaizumi slams the door closed and stomps down the stairs, running. 

“Iwa-chan!”

Oikawa jumps up and jogs after him. Down the hall and down the stairs, Oikawa hears the front door smack shut. Oikawa stuffs his feet into his shoes and steps out into the falling night just in time to see Iwaizumi march into the forest. Oikawa jogs after him. Oikawa enters the forest. It's dark to the point where he has to squint. Oikawa stops on the edge of the trees.

“Iwaizumi! Wait!”

Iwaizumi stops without turning.

“What’s wrong?” Oikawa pleads.

“Nothing. Leave me alone Oikawa-san.”

His voice sounds hollow and empty. The sound falls dead against the dark forest. The pounding of his heart in his ears masks other noise. _No nick-name._ Oikawa’s nerves begin to rise in him. He can feel tears starting to form in his eyes. _I’m not going to cry. I don’t want to make this about me._

“I don’t believe you. I’ve noticed you seemed kind of off. But you didn’t have to go after Maki and Mattsun like that.”

“I’ve been off?”

Iwaizumi laughs. It sounds forced and cold. He turns and walks towards Oikawa.

“Me? Oh that’s rich!”

Oikawa feels a tear fall. He silently prays that Iwaizumi doesn’t see. Oikawa pleads.

“Iwa-chan…”

“You’re the one who’s been off! You and fucking-Ushijima! I saw you making eyes at him! You’ve been fooling around with him haven’t you?”

Oikawa can’t move. He can’t speak. Iwaizumi turns away from him back towards the dense forest.

“You talk about our team and making it to nationals with us, but do you really care? Or is this all some way for you to get what you want?”

These words cut deep, but not just for their meaning. Oikawa hears Iwaizumi’s words but knows they mean something else; he can’t quite place what. Like something sitting high on a shelf. He can see it, but he can’t get a good look and can’t touch it. Oikawa has never heard so much emotion in Iwaizumi's words. Tears are falling quickly from his eyes. With blurry vision, he reaches towards Iwaizumi. He opens his mouth to speak.

“I… I…”

Oikawa stumbles over his words but can’t form anything. Normally, Oikawa could carry his false confidence with him and offer a retort to defend himself. However, the sheer magnitude of what Iwaizumi is saying and implying leaves him speechless. _He’s right. I’ve been selfish._ _This was supposed to be a time where we worked together, and I haven’t been there for them._ Tears are running quickly down Oikawa’s face. Oikawa sniffs loudly. Iwaizumi looks at him and scoffs. Shaking his head, Iwaizumi walks away. 

“Wait!” 

Oikawa grabs his hand. _I can fix this._ Iwaizumi rips it away. 

“Leave me alone.” 

His voice is dead. Oikawa helplessly watches Iwaizumi walk out of the forest. Ugly sobs rise in Oikawa’s throat. Alone, Oikawa falls to his hands and knees. He digs his hands into the soft dirt. _What have I done?_


	2. Chapter 2

Somehow Oikawa dragged himself back from the forest and into bed. Oikawa can’t really remember how when he wakes up in the morning. He can feel how dry his eyes are from crying. He rolls over and sees Iwaizumi is gone. He sees the rest of the team is already up. Oikawa drags himself to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, Oikawa decides it's not as bad as it could be. Going to wash his face, Oikawa looks at the dirt under his nails. He vigorously tries to scrub it out to no avail. He leaves the bathroom feeling defeated. Oikawa sighs as he slumps down to breakfast. He drops into his chair, not even trying to make eye contact with Iwaizumi who is sitting further down the table from him.

Oikawa feels empty. Nothing exists for him anymore, not since last night. His food tastes like cardboard, and the voices of his teammates sound like static. _Can’t I just go back to sleep?_ Coach Irihara stands up at the end of the table. Oikawa doesn’t notice until Kindaichi elbows him. Oikawa’s eyes drift up and Coach Irihara’s worried look meets him. Oikawa looks back down at his food.

“Today was supposed to be a half day of practice and then the drive home, but we seem to be feeling a little under the weather… Luckily, the bus got here early. So, go ahead and pack up. Let’s head out in 30.”

“Yes sir!”

Oikawa lazily mumbles his affirmation and slides off his chair to head upstairs. 

“Oikawa-kun.”

Oikawa pivots and looks at his Coach. Irihara clears his throat. 

“So I noticed things seem a little… tense with you and Iwaizumi-kun. Did something happen?”

Oikawa blinks at him. He doesn’t even pretend to smile. He just shakes his head.

“No? Like you said, we’re feeling a little under the weather.”

Oikawa knows his lack-luster and verging on cheeky response will sting, but he doesn’t care. Oikawa walks out of the room. He knows he’s being rude and doesn’t care. The vastness of his nothingness has taken over his ability to think clearly. 

Oikawa packs his things and heads outside to wait to load onto the bus. He flops down into the high grass next to the bus. The grass reaches his shoulders in some places. Oikawa wonders if they will swallow him if he lays down. Oikawa sighs and takes in their fresh sweet smell. A fly lands on Oikawa’s knee. Oikawa watches it walk up and down. Oikawa doesn’t have the energy to brush it away. 

The doors of the bus swing open and Oikawa files in. He falls down into one of the back seats. He can’t help himself, Oikawa watches Iwaizumi forcefully sit down next to Kindaichi. Kindaichi looks a little surprised and looks back to Oikawa. Hanamaki and Matsuawa share a look of concern, as the palpable tension rises. Oikawa looks away and out the window quickly. 

Oikawa pulls out his phone and scrolls through his playlist. He decides on one that he only listens to on particularly bad days. He pops in his ear phones and curls up looking out the window. Melancholy lyrics and sorrowful instruments flood his brain. His sadness flows over him as the bus lurches forward down the road. Oikawa watches the forest fly by: trees and trees and trees. He looks up to the mountains watching them dip and pop back up. They shoot by the lazy river he’d seen just days earlier. 

Oikawa feels the tears well in his eyes, and they stream down his face. _Fuck._ Oikawa regrets so many things over the last week. _Ushijima._ Oikawa feels the tear dripping down his face as he watches the town go by. Oikawa wishes he hadn’t done those things with Ushijima. Oikawa wishes he hadn’t felt the way he had about Ushijima. He wishes he could separate wanting to be like someone from being with someone. Oikawa cries quietly until there are no tears left. He doesn’t care if anyone sees. The sadness he feels is all consuming and frustrating. He watches trees turn to towns turn to city. Oikawa can’t place why exactly he is so upset. _I can’t stand the thought of Iwaizumi being upset with me._

The bus stops in the parking lot of Aoba Johsai. The jolt of the breaks pulls Oikawa out of his sad-music limbo. He looks up and watches Iwaizumi rush off the bus. Oikawa drags himself out of his seat, grabbing his bag. Standing in front of his school, Oikawa looks up at the sky and sighs. His eyes hurt from their dryness. Coach Irihara announces to the group.

“We did a lot of work this week. Take the weekend to rest. And I’ll see you bright and early Monday morning.”

Oikawa can hear the disappointment in his voice as he addresses the team. Oikawa glances over to his Coach as his team yells. 

“Yes sir.”

The team left for what started as another promising training camp and returned as a shell of their former selves.

The air is tense. Everyone is mad, Oikawa can feel it, but he doesn’t care. Iwaizumi stalks off towards his car. Oikawa looks back at Iwaizumi as he slams the door of his car and drives away aggressively, weaving in and out of city traffic. Oikawa turns and begins to walk home. He specifically didn’t tell his mom when he was getting back. He wants to walk alone. His sad music drones in his ears as he walks the whole way back.

On his walk, Oikawa thinks about the week. _It’s my fault._ Oikawa feels so much regret about his actions over the course of the training camp. _I wish I wasn’t me_. Oikawa knows he would never have acted differently, but wishes he had. Another tear leaks from his eye. He keeps his hands stuffed in his pockets and doesn’t bother to wipe it away. Oikawa tilts his head up as he walks and watches gilded pink clouds drift over his head. Their fluffy, ephemeral whisps guide smoothly across the baby blue sky. Oikawa’s feet move on their own accord. In the break between buildings, golden light illuminates his face. The warmth of the light dries Oikawa’s tears and caresses his skin, as if trying to comfort him. Oikawa feels numb as his feet carry him home. Oikawa reaches his front door and digs in his bag for his keys. He opens the door and drops his bag on the ground. Carefully removing his shoes in the genkan placing them next to the others, he calls out.

“I’m home!”

Oikawa can hear his mom bustling around in the kitchen.

“Welcome home, Tooru!”

“I’m not feeling well. I’m going to go lay down.”

Oikawa scoops his bag back up and walks quickly to his room to avoid his mom’s gaze. 

“Ok, honey. Let me know if you need anything.”

Oikawa pauses at the bottom of the stairs.

“Thanks Mom. I missed you.”

He doesn’t wait for her reply. Tears are streaming from his eyes while he walks up the stairs. He softly slides the door closed. Oikawa sinks to the floor. He curls into a small ball with his head in between his knees. Gauze pads brush his temple. _Fuck._

As he sits alone in his room, which grows darker with the setting sun, Oikawa can’t help but think of Iwaizumi. Spiked hair, stern gaze, powerful hands, strong arms, shitty nicknames, big heart, minty smell, broad shoulders with the number 4, his ace, his best friends, his Hajime. Oikawa's heart hurts as he approaches the inevitable realization. Laughing and spending time with Iwaizumi wasn’t just time with a friend. The lingering touches, soft gazes, words made of honey surpassed platonic a long time ago. All the memories of Iwaizumi wash over Oikawa. His face, his eyes, his everything. _Fuck!_ Oikawa is still somehow crying. _I should have fucking known._ Oikawa wants to scream and break things, to rip the “I want to believe” poster off his wall and to throw knicknacks onto the floor, but he can’t move from his fetal position. Oikawa racks his brain. _When did this start?_ All those years together, playing volleyball and growing up together. _Always. Maybe I’ve always felt this way about him._ Oikawa tries to take a deep breath, but it becomes a shuddering sob. Oikawa pushes himself up and runs to his bed. He buries his face in his pillow to mask the sobs taking over his body. _I’m in love with Iwaizumi Hajime. Fuck._

Oikawa forces himself to take deep breaths and calm down. _I have to tell him. Do something._ Oikawa sits up and reaches for his phone, but he drops it like it's burning hot. _What the fuck would I even say?_ Oikawa pulls on his hair, punches his pillow, and throws himself back onto his bed. Oikawa looks up at the glow-in-the-dark stars on his bedroom ceiling, which begin to shine down on him in the growing twilight. Oikawa lays there, stranded in this purgatory-like state pulled between fear and guilt and love. _Fuck._

The weekend passes for Oikawa in a bleary depression. He rarely leaves his room. Oikawa can feel the worry from his mother as he silently comes downstairs one or two times for food. Oikawa knows he is wallowing in his sadness, but he can’t do anything about it. He stares at his phone for hours just waiting. Waiting for Iwaizumi to text him, which he won’t. Oikawa knows he won’t. Oikawa hurt Iwaizumi too much, even if by accident. He wasn’t there for him and his team. _I was being selfish_. Waiting for himself to get the courage to text Iwaizumi, which he won’t, Oikawa feels so afraid and horrible. He is frozen by it all. So Oikawa waits. He waits for something that will never come in his seemingly endless realm of guilt and despair. 

But something does come: Monday arrives. Oikawa wakes up to soft light and a deep feeling of dread. Oikawa drags himself out of bed and downstairs. He forces himself to eat something and then to walk to practice. Oikawa remembers how Iwaizumi started picking him up for these early morning practices. How Iwaizumi’s late 80’s Honda would lurch up to Oikawa’s front door five minutes early. How no matter how quickly Oikawa ran out the door Iwaizumi would always tell him he was late. How Oikawa would pout and Iwaizumi would smile and punch him softly in the arm before driving them to practice. How Iwaizumi would listen to all of Oikawa’s stupid stories and worries. How Iwaizumi always had rock music playing in his car. 

Oikawa can’t pull his mind out of that spiral as he walks down his street. His thoughts swirl endless down lower and lower. Oikawa’s eyes are puffy and red from lack of sleep, but he reached the end of his tears. Oikawa trudges up to the Aoba Johsai gym and switches his shoes, putting his bag away in the locker. Oikawa takes a deep breath before heading into the gym. Nerves and apprehension cling to his mind at the thought of seeing Iwaizumi. Most of the team is already there, but Iwaizumi is not. Practice starts and Iwaizumi doesn’t come. 

Oikawa’s nerves pulse. _Where is he?_ Oikawa misses almost every serve, hitting the net or quite literally not hitting the ball. Oikawa feels too numb to care. His thoughts are still consumed by Iwaizumi. _Is he not here because of me?_ Guilt sinks its claws deeper into Oikawa’s consciousness. _I’m going to puke._ Oikawa drops down on a bench and takes a water break with the team. His vision feels like it's closing in on itself. Coach Irihara gives them a debrief after practice and says something about a practice game, but Oikawa doesn’t listen. His pounding heart in his ears and deeply unsettled stomach is all consuming. 

Oikawa notices everyone else heading for the locker room. He stands shakily to join them.

“Oikawa-kun.”

Oikawa turns to his Coach. The older man looks worried. Coach Irihara beacons him. Oikawa sluggishly walks over. 

“You noticed Iwaizumi-kun wasn’t at practice today, I take it? Did you hear anything from him? Is he sick or something?”

Oikawa shakes his head and glances longingly towards the locker room desperate for an escape. Oikawa hears his Coach sigh and cross his arms. Oikawa can feel frustration begin to radiate from him.

“He didn’t tell me he wouldn’t be at practice. Go check on him. I already called Iwaizumi’s parents to tell them you’d be stopping by.”

Oikawa’s heart stops. _No no no no!_ Oikawa nods his head.

“Go apologize to him.”

Oikawa’s eyes widen and he looks over to his Coach. Oikawa opens his mouth to argue, but closes it. He has no good reason not to go. Coach shrugs and unfolds his arms, patting Oikawa on the shoulder.

“I don’t know what happened between you two, but go talk to him please. Iwaizumi-san is expecting you.”

Coach leaves Oikawa standing, mouth open in the middle of the gym. _Damn social obligation!_ Oikawa’s knees feel weak, and he collapses back down on the bench. Oikawa takes a moment. His thoughts begin to race. _What do I say to him?_

Oikawa eventually drags himself into the locker room and grabs his bag. He ignores his teammates as his thoughts spiral into absurd hypotheticals. Oikawa slumps out of the locker room thoroughly disheveled. 

“Oikawa! Wait up.” Oikawa stops and groans, as Hanamaki jogs after him. 

“Are you doing ok?” Oikawa glares back at his friend. 

“Yeah, I’m great! Doing great! Feeling great! Everything is great!” Hanamaki’s worried eyes make Oikawa feel guiltier. Hanamaki sighs.

“Ok, well if you do want to talk about it, I’m here for you.” Hanamaki pats Oikawa’s back before jogging back towards the rest of the team. Oikawa walks away and towards Iwaizumi’s house glumly. Oikawa kicks a pebble watching it skitter down the sidewalk. Dread builds in Oikawa with every step. His emotions cling to him, suffocating him. Oikawa forces himself to breath and hold back his tears. Iwaizumi’s house seems much further away than usual. Every step hurts Oikawa as he moves towards the inevitable confrontation. Scenarios run through his head. Everyone ends in tragedy, but still Oikawa walks on. Absent-mindedly, Oikawa begins chewing on his cuticles. He feels the gauze again and his memories of Ushijima rush back. _I wish… I wish it had been Iwa-chan._ Oikawa chokes on the end of that thought because he does not know where things are going now. 

After an eternity, Oikawa arrives at Iwaizumi’s home. It sits on the top of a hill just a few blocks from his own house. Oikawa looks down the street and remembers racing bikes down it with Iwaizumi as kids. Oikawa wipes away a tear thinking of those sweet moments. Clearing his throat, Oikawa knocks at the door.

A brief pause suspends Oikawa in silent reflection. The door slides open to reveal Mrs. Iwaizumi. She smiles up at Oikawa and waves him inside. 

“Tooru! It's so lovely to see.”

Oikawa bows a little and removes his shoes.

“Thanks for having me over.”

“Oh nonsense! Come in, come in. I’m so glad you’re here. Hajime has been in such a funk since he got back…”

Oikawa follows her through the small house as she rambles about Iwaizumi. Oikawa uses all of his strength to hold himself together. 

“Well, he’s up in his room. Hopefully you can cheer him up a little.”

Oikawa pales, but tries to smile at her. He clears his throat.

“I hope so too.”

Oikawa apprehensively pads up the stairs in his socks. With every step, the top of the stairs seems to get further away. Oikawa swallows as he finally reaches the top. He pauses, his heart in his throat, before turning down the hall to Iwaizumi’s room. Oikawa reaches the door and sinks down to his knees. He puts a hand on the door and takes a small breath trying to clear his nerves. He slides the door open and scoots inside, closing it behind him.

Iwaizumi is lying with his back to the door on his bed, scrolling on his phone. Tears begin welling in Oikawa’s eyes upon seeing him. _Keep it together._ He takes a breath trying to find the words to say.

“Mom, I just want to be alone right now.”

Iwaizumi’s voice sounds small and hoarse. It's a defeated noise. Oikawa doesn’t move. He just watches Iwaizumi scroll, bright colors bounce off his screen which peaks over his shoulder.

“It’s me.”

Iwaizumi stops scrolling and puts down his phone. Without turning over, he speaks curtly.

“Go away. I don’t want to see you.”

Briefly, Oikawa considers trying to be charming. Trying an “Iwa-chan!” or something cutesy, but he doesn’t. Oikawa looks down at his hands clasped in his lap. He watches a tear fall onto his hands and roll off onto his pants. 

“I’m sorry.”

The words glide softly off Oikawa’s tongue. Oikawa’s eyes are glued to his hands, so he doesn’t see Iwaizumi go stiff. 

“I am so sorry. I can be self-centered sometimes. I know. I don’t mean to be. Honestly, I don’t mean to be.”

The words are pouring out Oikawa without effort, like something that has been building up inside of him for sometime. 

“I didn’t mean for things to turn out like this. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t mean to let you down and not be there for you. I wish… I wish I could change it. What I did. I messed up and I didn’t mean to, but I have no excuse.”

Oikawa’s voice trails off into a faint whisper. His throat feels dry and it begins to tighten. Oikawa looks up at the ceiling and tries to take a deep breath. It rattles in his throat and turns into a sob. It's an ugly, animal noise. _Fuck. I can’t keep this in. I have repressed this for far too long._

“I’m sorry I’m dense about feelings sometimes. I miss you so much. I’m sorry… I’m a stupid fuck that doesn’t know when he’s in love with his bestfriend.”

Oikawa buries his face in his hands as his tears run freely without apologies. Oikawa sniffs and wipes his eyes into the silence.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It was… uncalled for. Um… I’m just going to go now.”

Oikawa hiccups and his whole body shakes. 

“Just promise me you won’t quit volleyball because of this. I’ll switch teams if you want that… If you don’t want to see me anymore.”

Oikawa pushes himself half way up.

“Um… I’ll go.”

His voice sounds high. It’s pitchiness surprises Oikawa briefly. He shakes as he turns without looking at Iwaizumi towards the door. Oikawa begins to process his own words as he reaches for the door. He had just agreed to quit volleyball, to change his school for Iwaizumi Hajime. _I would do anything for him._ Oikawa places his hand on the door, beginning to slide it open.

“Stupidkawa.”

Oikawa freezes. Butterflies fill Oikawa’s stomach as all the hairs on his body stand up straight. Oikawa is completely paralized as confusion and hope fight inside him. He hears Iwaizumi sigh.

“You can be such an idiot sometimes.”

Oikawa takes yet another shaky breath.

“I know.”

“Stop staring at the door, Trashykawa.”

Oikawa turns meekly, now staring at the ground.

“Jesus Christ! Come here!”

Oikawa looks up tearily to see Iwaizumi turned over and is smiling at him. He pats the bed next to him. Oikawa sniffs and practically leaps across the room towards Iwaizumi. He flops down on the pillow next to Iwaizumi, face down. The pillow smells like Iwaizumi, citrusy. Oikawa rubs his face in the pillow, nuzzling it. 

“Are you trying to get snot on my pillow?”

Oikawa pops his head up, eyes wide with worry. But Iwaizumi doesn’t look mad, his eyes are soft as he slightly grins. Timidly, Oikawa reaches out towards Iwaizumi, but he stops. Embarrassed he pulls his hands back under his chest.

“Why did you stop?”

Oikawa buries his face back into the pillow and shakes his head. He can feel himself blush deeply. Oikawa feels the mattress shift slightly as Iwaizumi moves. Oikawa feels warmth touch his side, and Iwaizumi’s arm wraps around him. Oikawa feels a warm breath blow onto his neck and ear. He shivers.

“I’m in love with my best friend too.”

Oikawa stops breathing. He peaks out of the pillow. Iwaizumi smiles down at him, propping up his head on his hand. Oikawa returns to his pillow. 

“I’m sorry it took me so long to figure out.”

Oikawa feels Iwaizumi chuckle.

“Do you forgive me?”

Iwaizumi snorts.

“”Kawa.”

Iwaizumi kisses the top of Oikawa’s head. Oikawa turns scarlet. 

“You have to say it.”

Oikawa’s muffled voice emerges timidly from the pillow. Iwaizumi leans forward, Oikawa can feel it as warmth rests onto his shoulder. 

“I forgive you, Tooru.”

Oikawa feels himself smile. He can’t help himself. He pops up, full of life again, and jumps on Iwaizumi. Oikawa throws his arms around Iwaizumi’s neck. 

“You just used my first name!”

“Oi.”

Oikawa kisses Iwaizumi quickly on the cheek before falling onto his chest.

“Does that mean I can call you Hajime?” 

They both giggle, feeling light and full. Oikawa pulls him closer, smiling into Iwaizumi’s neck. 

“Did you miss me, Hajime?” Oikawa asks seriously.

“Of course I did Stupidkawa. It was awful to be away from you. And… you know… thinking you had feelings for someone else.” They both pause. Iwaizumi’s words hang in the air. Oikawa wraps his arms tightly around Iwaizumi’s neck pulling him close.

“Oh God! Iwa-chan! I am so sorry! I missed out so much.” Oikawa’s words fade as he realizes how wrapped around Iwaizumi he is. Iwaizumi squeezes Oikawa back.

He whispers into Oikawa’s ear, “But we figured it out.” Oikawa smiles and nods into Iwaizumi’s hair. His spiky, dark locks are surprisingly soft against Oikawa’s cheek. His familiar citrusy smell fills Oikawa’s senses. Oikawa nuzzles closer, closer than they have ever been before. They breathe in unison as they realize their whole bodies are touching from their feet to their heads. Oikawa’s breath catches as he looks up at Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi cups Oikawa’s cheek and smiles. Oikawa looks into Iwaizumi’s dark eyes. Their softness and warmth fills Oikawa, making his heart flutter while dispelling his demons. They make Oikawa want to smile and laugh. 

It's been love. All these years, hiding behind glares and stern looks, it's been love peeking out at Oikawa through his eyes. Oikawa beams up at Iwaizumi and runs his fingers over his temple. _A beautiful face for an even more beautiful person._ Iwaizumi smiles wider and flushes slightly, as if Oikawa had spoken aloud. He leans over to kiss Oikawa. Their lips meet with trust and love. Passion lies beneath the surface. Years of waiting for this exact moment. Their lips press together, soft and alive. Iwaizumi rolls over on top of Oikawa and runs his hand down Oikawa’s chest. His finger catches on Oikawa’s nipple. Oikawa moans softly and presses his mouth more firmly against Iwaizumi’s. 

Oikawa opens his mouth slightly and runs his tongue across Iwaizumi’s lips which part at his touch. Their tongues meet and begin to explore. Touching and feeling all of the places they had so longed for, even unknowingly. Oikawa runs his hands over Iwaizumi’s back. He doesn’t have time to think about the beauty and strength of it. _I want you. I want to be near you._ Oikawa opens his legs allowing Iwaizumi to settle between them. He wraps them around Iwaizumi and his arms around Iwaizumi’s neck, holding him in place. Iwaizumi sinks his weight onto Oikawa. He runs his fingers lightly down Oikawa’s side, exploring each rib, his waist, his hips, his thigh. Oikawa shudders under his touch. He can feel himself harden and lose control as Iwazumi delicately caresses the back of his thigh. Iwaizumi pauses and pulls out of the kiss and looks down at Oikawa. Oikawa is flushed and already almost out of breath. 

Iwaizumi leans down and kisses Oikawa’s cheek and then his neck. Oikawa can feel his tongue caress his jaw. Oikawa grips the back of Iwaizumi’s shirt, gasping. Iwaizumi’s hand slides down his thigh to his ass. Iwaizumi softly pushes some of Oikawa’s hair off his face with his other hand. Oikawa looks up Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi is still smiling at him. His soft gaze wraps Oikawa in caring and warmth. He leans forward towards Oikawa. Oikawa closes his eyes and pouts his lips ever so slightly, expecting a kiss. Instead, he feels Iwaizumi turn his head slightly to the side.

“You’re mine, ok?”

Oikawa whimpers softly at the sound of those words. Opening his eyes, he sits up slightly to kiss Iwaizumi. _I’m yours._ Iwaizumi shifts onto his knees. Leaning forward he kisses Oikawa. Quick kisses in succession on Oikawa’s cheeks, lips, and jaw.

“You’re mine, Tooru.”

Oikawa can feel tears starting to prick his eyes. He wraps his arms around Iwaizumi’s neck and sinks into his touch, each one slowly melting and comforting Oikawa. Iwaizumi wraps his arms around Oikawa and they sink sideways onto the bed. Oikawa sniffs.

“Hey. What’s up?”

Iwaizumi kisses Oikawa’s forehead. Oikawa squeezes Iwaizumi tighter. 

“I’m yours Hajime. Even when I’m being stupid.”

Oikawa can feel Iwaizumi’s lips smile against his forehead. “You’re not the only one who can be stupid.” 

Oikawa giggles and pulls Iwaizumi closer. 

“Just hold me for a little, k?” Oikawa whispers softly.

Iwaizumi nods and kisses the top of his head. Oikawa breathes deeply and buries his face in Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi runs his hands through Oikawa’s hair, playing so effortlessly with the soft locks it’s as if he was always meant to hold and touch him this way. Oikawa feels himself relax completely, for the first time ever, he lets someone hold him like this, support him like this, love him like this. The expression of the feelings he has for Iwaizumi and the vulnerability he is showing is overwhelming, but cathartic. Oikawa sniffs again and Iwaizumi kisses his head and keeps playing with his hair. They lay in silence just holding each other for a minute, maybe more. Oikawa can’t tell. Peace spread through Oikawa. The warm feeling Iwaizumi gives him trickles through his body, drowning his doubt. Oikawa wishes he could stop time and stay here in this moment forever.

“Iwa-chan.”

“Hm.”

“Nothing. I just like saying your name.”

Iwaizumi chuckles.

“Ok, Bakakawa.”

Oikawa disentangles his arms for Iwaizumi’s neck and wipes away his tears.

“Are you still crying?”

“They are happy tears.”

Iwaizumi pulls back Oikawa into his chest. Oikawa rests his face on Iwaizumi’s chest and breaths him in, citrus and mint. Oikawa feels safe in his arms. He runs his fingers down Iwaizumi’s chest. Oikawa appreciates each muscle as he works his way down from pecs to abs. Oikawa rests his hand on Iwaizumi’s waist and looks up at him. His eyes are closed with a little smile resting on his lips.

“Iwa-chan’s so strong.”

Iwaizumi’s eyes slide open looking down at Oikawa.

“You’re one to talk.”

Oikawa giggles. He can’t help himself. He pulls Iwaizumi’s hips closer to him and tilts his head up to kiss him. Oikawa can feel Iwaizumi flush. His already swollen pink lips part suddenly as he takes a shuddery breath. Oikawa kisses Iwaizumi and pulls him on top of him. Iwaizumi’s tongue gently caresses Oikawa’s lips. Oikawa parts them to accept Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi’s hands sneak under Oikawa’s shirt and run up his side. Oikawa inhales sharply and pushes his tongue against Iwaizumi’s. Oikawa sinks his fingers into Iwaizumi’s hair, running his fingers through his dark locks. Oikawa wraps his legs around Iwaizumi as they kiss. Oikawa is full of a desperate kind of yearning. _I want to be closer. I want all of you._ Oikawa pulls Iwaizumi in. 

There is a sharp knock at the door. They freeze. Eyes wide and breathing hard, they look at each other with a tinge of worry.

“Boys, dinner’s ready. Come down when you’re ready.”

They hear footsteps pad down the hallway.

“Thanks Okaasan!” Iwaizumi calls out breathily. Iwaizumi withdraws his hand reluctantly and pulls away, pushing up off of Oikawa. Oikawa makes a sad puppy noise that causes Iwaizumi to roll his eyes.

“Come on, Stupidkawa. I don’t want to make my mom wait.”

“Just a sec.”

Oikawa grabs his phone and quickly texts his mom that he is staying at Iwaizumi’s for dinner. Iwaizumi stands up to walk towards the door and Oikawa explodes with laughter.

“Iwa-chan needs to uh… cool down a little first.”

Iwaizumi looks around a little confused and then flushes deeply. He plops down on the bed and Oikawa continues to giggle. A sly smile slides over his lips as he looks towards Oikawa.

“You're the one to talk ‘Kawa. Look at your hair.”

Oikawa stops laughing immediately. He darts to the small mirror hanging in the corner of the room. _It’s a dead give away_. He normally coiffed locks are standing straight up in the back and appear in a general state of disarray. Oikawa began frantically brushing them down with his hands. Iwaizumi is the one who giggles now. The sound is deep and soft, and Oikawa can’t help himself but smile. Oikawa takes a step back and appraises himself in the mirror. He straightens his shirt. A little messy, but no longer obvious. 

“You ready Iwa-chan?”

Oikawa turns to find Iwaizumi just watching him with puppy-dog eyes.

“What?”

Iwaizumi blushes a little. Oikawa can’t help but smile. _It's not like Iwachan to be so shy._

“What!”

“I… I wish we could stay here and…”

His words fade out a little. Oikawa feels his eyes widen; little butterflies rise inside of him.

“Come on Iwa-chan. Your mother is waiting!”

Oikawa walks out the door and pauses and turns. He leans against the doorframe and smiles at Iwaizumi. His dark hair is tousled and sharp features are set in concentration. 

“I’ll tell your mom you needed to use the bathroom.”

Iwaizumi looks up and Oikawa winks at him before practically skipping downstairs. He feels his phone buzz. Pulling it out of his pocket, Oikawa reads a bizarre string of emojis from his mom that seem to be conveying happiness or celebration. He smiles and returns the phone to his pocket. _I’ll have to explain what an upside down smiley face means to her when I get home._

Oikawa sits down at the table with the Iwaizumis. They both smile at him.

“Where’s Hajime?”

“He had to use the restroom. What are we eating for dinner? It smells incredible.”

Oikawa looks across the delicious smelling assortment of dinner foods as he launches into small talk with the Iwaizumis. Oikawa is all smiles and charm as his Iwaizumi, finally, sits down to dinner next to Oikawa. 

“Itadakimasu.”

They dig into food and Iwaizumi asks his dad how work is going. Oikawa was never really sure what exactly Mr. Iwaizumi did for work. Something office, something business. 

“Oh, I almost forgot.” Mr. Iwaizumi dabs the corners of his mouth with his napkin.

“I have that business trip coming up in a couple weeks.”

Everyone nods.

“I just heard from higher up that spouses are welcome to come with.”

Mrs. Iwaizumi raises her eyebrows. 

“Is this the one to Los Angeles?”  
Mr. Iwaizumi nods and Mrs. Iwaizumi’s eyes widen. She turns quickly to Iwaizumi.

“Would you be ok here by yourself, sweetie?”

Before he can stop himself, Oikawa pipes up.

“I could stay here, so he doesn’t have to be alone.”

Oikawa slowly slides his hand over to Iwaizumi under the table. He wraps his pinky around Iwaizumi’s and squeezes. Iwaizumi squeezes back.

“That would be perfect.”

Everyone turns to Iwaizumi who just grunts a little and nods.

“That’s fine.”

Oikawa removes his hand reluctantly to return to his meal as Mrs. Iwaizumi begins to gush about going to Los Angeles, celebrities and glamour. Oikawa feels Iwaizumi’s knee bump softly into his own. Oikawa smiles. He feels happy.

After dinner, Iwaizumi offers to drive Oikawa home. Oikawa bows and thanks the Iwaizumis for their hospitality before being shoved out the door by Iwaizumi. Oikawa feels rather jittery as they walk towards Iwaizumi’s car in silence. It's dark outside and stars are beginning to appear in the night sky. Oikawa slides into the passenger's seat. Everything is familiar. It smells like Iwaizumi here. Oikawa pops open the glove compartment and helps himself to some gum, mint obviously.

“Grab me one?”

Oikawa hands a piece over Iwaizumi as he starts the car. It coughs for a second before engaging with a soft hum. Iwaizumi throws the car into reverse. He puts his hands on the back of Oikawa’s headrest, surveying, and then sends the car jumping into the street. Even in this casual setting, Oikawa blushes at his handsome friend, his Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi aggressively pushes it back into first and they zip down the street to Oikawa’s. Oikawa smiles as he watches Iwaizumi. His driving is intense. He is forceful and intentional, but never unsafe. Somehow they manage to get everywhere five minutes early, despite Iwaizumi’s insistence that Oikawa is always late. 

Oikawa smiles to himself a little more and looks out the window at the passing lights and cars. Something nudges his arm. Oikawa looks over towards Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi is looking expressionless out onto the road, but his hand is sitting palm up, waiting, next to Oikawa. Iwaizumi’s hand is strong and big. Oikawa can’t help it and grins widely, taking Iwaizumi’s hand. It wraps around Oikawa’s long slender fingers. Rough calluses scrape against Oikawa’s skin as Iwaizumi rubs his thumb over Oikawa’s hand. Iwaizumi then lifts Oikawa’s hand to his mouth and kisses it. Oikawa blushes profusely in spite of himself. Iwaizumi’s expression doesn’t change nor do his eyes leave the road. Oikawa squeezes Iwaizumi’s hand as they drive on in silence. 

Oikawa’s house pulls into view all too quickly. Oikawa realizes he could have very happily sat holding Iwaizumi’s hand for the rest of time. The car jolts to a stop next to the tree in front of his house and Iwaizumi cuts the engine. The sound of crickets permeates the night air. Oikawa smiles and reaches for the door.

“Thanks for the ride.”

Iwaizumi scoffs, “Hey, wait a second.”

Oikawa turns back to Iwaizumi gently smiling at him. Iwaizumi leans forward and cups Oikawa’s cheek in his hand. Oikawa shivers against Iwaizumi’s rough touch. Iwaizumi eyes Oikawa’s already puffy lips.

“Can I kiss you?”

Oikawa can’t speak, so he just nods, leaning forward and closing his eyes. Iwaizumi’s lips press softly against his own and Oikawa's body begins to turn to jelly. He reaches up into Iwaizumi’s hair, tugging it slightly and pulling him closer. Iwaizumi’s tongue gently runs along Oikawa’s lips. Oikawa opens his mouth. Tongues caress. Iwaizumi’s hand glides over Oikawa’s shoulder. It lingers on each curve and divett as it works lower to rest on his lower back. Iwaizumi kisses Oikawa more passionately now, sucking against his lips and running his tongue along Oikawa’s teeth. Iwaizumi reaches down to Oikawa’s thighs and lifts him onto his lap. Oikawa yips in surprise and adjusts onto Iwaizumi’s lap. Iwaizumi tilts his seat back a bit and rests his hands on Oikawa's hips. Looking down and straddling Iwaizumi, Oikawa can’t help but smile mischievously.

“Iwa-chan’s so strong,” Oikawa chirps, while dragging a flirtatious finger down Iwaizumi’s chest.

“You’ve said that already.”

Iwaizumi drags his hands up Oikawa’s back and pulls Oikawa closer. Iwaizumi kisses his neck. His kisses are gentle despite their heaviness. Oikawa gasps at the tantalizing sensation of pressure on his delicate skin. _Oh God!_ He runs his hands down Iwaizumi’s arms and closes his eyes, tilting his head back. Oikawa whispers quietly to himself.

“Iwa-chan’s so sexy.”

Iwaizumi pauses and pulls away. If Oikawa could have gotten any redder, he would have. Iwaizumi looks up at Oikawa smiling. He kisses Oikawa’s lips, sucking hard on his bottom lip. Oikawa shivers. Iwaizumi runs his hands down Oikawa, savoring every part. From lower back, to hips, to ass, and thighs. Oikawa moans softly into Iwaizumi’s mouth, as he massages Oikawa’s legs. In his reverie, he accidentally leaned back into his touch. HONK. Oikawa squacks and practically jumps off Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi laughs.

“Stupidkawa.”

“That was _your_ fault,” Oikawa presses his long index finger into Iwaizumi’s chest, accusingly. 

Oikawa sees the porch light turn on at his house. He sighs, feeling a little deflated.

“Um, I should probably go.”

Iwaizumi nods. Oikawa reaches for the door to open it, but it doesn’t open. He fumbles with the lock, but nothing seems to be working. His fingers and brain feel fuzzy and imprecise. _Iwa-chan, what have you done to me?_ Iwaizumi grins and reaches across Oikawa, easily and quickly opening the door. 

“Bye,” Oikawa whispers breathily as he and his addled brain step out of the car.

“I’ll see you tomorrow for practice. Don’t be late.”

Iwaizumi tosses Oikawa’s bag out after him. Oikawa leans down to look at Iwaizumi through the open car door. With an idigentent tone, Oikawa protests. 

“I’m never late.”

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes and starts the engine. Oikawa pushes the door closed and can’t help but smile. He walks up to his door, unlocking it. He turns back to wave at Iwaizumi as he pulls away. Oikawa winks at him while beaming. Iwaizumi rolls his eyes. Oikawa pushes the door open.

“Okaachan! I’m home.”

“Good practice guys! Same time tomorrow.”

Oikawa is dripping with sweat and exhausted. He and the team bustle over to the bench, grabbing water and chatting. Oikawa glances over at Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi doesn’t notice and shakes his head, flinging beads of sweat onto the gym floor. Oikawa watches mesmerized as Iwaizumi grabs the collar of his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face as he walks towards the sidelines. Oikawa nearly drools as Iwaizumi’s biceps and triceps flex in the motion. Taught back muscles peak from under Iwaizumi’s shirt, flashing symmetrical dimples. Oikawa feels his mouth fall open slightly.

“Oikawa-kun,” Oikawa continues staring, as thoughts of touching that body, licking it, playing with it, dance in his head. 

“Oikawa-kun!”

Oikawa jumps and turns to see his coach beckoning him. Oikawa reddens slightly, realizing how distracted he was. _Woops!_ Oikawa grabs his water and jogs over to Coach Irihara. He smiles at him.

“I’m glad you two kissed and made up.”

Oikawa’s eyes widen and he stops in his tracks for a second. The casual turn of phrase’s meaning washes over him. Oikawa chuckles, but puts on a serious face. 

“Thank you for encouraging me and being patient with me.”

“Don’t worry about it. I know you kids don’t always like talking about this kind of stuff, but, if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”

Irihara pats Oikawa on the back. 

“You did a good job today. Get going.”

Oikawa smiles and jogs after his team who are heading towards the locker room. Everyone is chatting and changing. Hanamaki and Iwaizumi somehow already changed and were waiting by the door.

“Thank God you’re back, Iwaizumi. Oikawa was fucking pathetic when you were gone, and mean.”

Iwaizumi chuckles. Oikawa can feel himself flush.

“Yeah. God. He was terrible,” Mattsun chimes in. 

Oikawa finishes changing quickly and grabs his bag, running towards the door to defend himself.

“Hey!” he chimes in.

“What? You missed every single one of your serves.”

Oikawa scowls, but doesn’t try to argue. Hanamaki lightly punches Iwaizumi in the shoulder.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better. See ya tomorrow.”

They wave as he walks away. Iwaizumi looks over at Oikawa with his natural scowling expression.

“You ready?”

Oikawa nods and they walk towards the car. 

“Were you really that off your game without me?”

Oikawa blushes and purses his lips. He doesn’t say anything. _Oh! I was so bad! Ugh! So embarrassing._ Iwaizumi kicks at Oikawa’s shoes. Oikawa scowls up at him and Iwaizumi smiles. They approach Iwaizumi’s car. Oikawa hops in and yanks the door shut. Iwaizumi gets in less aggressively. Iwaizumi clears his throat and twiddles his thumbs. 

“Hey, just so you know. I would never want you to quit volleyball. On my behalf or for any other reason.”

Oikawa looks up surprised at Iwaizumi who is now looking through his bag for his keys. Iwaizumi pulls out his keys and starts the car. Oikawa looks down at his hands.

“You’re one of the most talented and dedicated players I know. You’re always talking about geniuses and how you aren’t one. Honestly, I don’t see the difference between you and the people you compare yourself to. You have the technique and the dedication and the strength. You’ve worked hard enough to earn that title too.”

Iwaizumi squeezes Oikawa’s shoulder and pulls out of the parking lot. Oikawa feels himself welling up with tears. One spills from his eyes and runs down his cheek. Iwaizumi smiles sweetly and wipes it away with his thumb. 

“For being such a cocky ass, you really suck at taking a compliment.”

Oikawa chuckles through tears and can’t help himself but smile. Oikawa whines and looks over at Iwaizumi.

“Iwa-chan!”

Iwaizumi just smiles at him. 

“So…” Iwaizumi clears his throat. “Where are we going?”

Oikawa pauses and thinks. He pulls out his phone and quickly scrolls through some texts.

“What?”

“I think… I don’t think my mom is home.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m checking.”

Oikawa finds the text from his mom.

<<<hi sweetie! i'm shopping and having dinner with my friends tonight. won’t be back until late. I left money on the table if you want to order dinner. maybe invite iwa-chan over! love you!!!!!>>>

Oikawa smiles and grabs Iwaizumi’s hand, squeezing it. 

“My mom is gone until late.”

Iwaizumi squeezes his hand back. Oikawa looks up at him and he’s smiling. 

“The Oikawa residence it is,” Iwaizumi softly replies.

The car lurches out in the street, zipping through traffic. The tension and excitement is palpable. Oikawa picks at his nails and taps the seat restlessly. He shyly looks at Iwaizumi. His eyebrows are knit in concentration as he navigates the busy streets. Oikawa watches him. His gaze wonders from down his face. His features are delicate despite their sharpness. Oikawa linger on his lips, slightly parted and soft pink. Feelings bubble inside him. His gaze wanders further to Iwaizumi’s shoulders. Though Iwaizumi is shorter than Oikawa, he is much stronger. Biceps flex as he downshifts through traffic. Oikawa’s eyes trace his sculpted arms to his hands. Defined knuckles and viens strain against his skin. Oikawa can still feel their grip on his hips, remembering the rough calluses on each robust finger. The memory almost makes Oikawa gasp out loud.

“Stop staring, Creepykawa.”

Oikawa’s mouth falls open and he stumbles over his words. Oikawa blushes profusely, even though he knows Iwaizumi is not looking at him. 

“I… um… uh…”

“Spit it out.”

“I… I was thinking about what your hands could do to me.” Oikawa whispers his reply. 

His voice is hoarse and hesitant. The words freeze in the air. _Why did I say that?_ Iwaizumi closes his mouth and steps firmly on the accelerator. Oikawa looks out the window and purses his lips trying not to laugh. Iwaizumi weaves quickly through more cars before pulling off on Oikawa’s street. Oikawa’s fingers tingle with excitement. They buzz almost as if filled with electricity. Iwaizumi stops the car with a jolt and is out of the car before Oikawa can unbuckle his seat belt. 

The two are unusually quiet as they walk towards the door. Iwaizumi bumps Oikawa’s shoulder with his. Oikawa looks over and sees he’s smiling. Oikawa smiles back. Reaching the door, Oikawa digs through his bag for his keys. He feels soft caresses pushing a lock of hair behind his ear. Oikawa shivers and begins to look more frantically. 

“Did you lose your keys?”

“Give me a second!”

“Jeez, Bakakawa can’t even keep track of your house key.”

“Iwa-chan! Don’t be so mean.”

Oikawa pouts as Iwaizumi chuckles. Oikawa continues rummaging until his hand grazes metal.

“Ah ha!” Oikawa reveals his keys. 

“Are you proud of me Iwa-chan? I didn’t lose my keys after all.”

Oikawa winks and sticks his tongue out. Iwaizumi rolls his eyes.

“You know you like it.”

Oikawa pushes open the door as Iwaizumi scoffs. They two enter the house. Oikawa closes the door behind. It barely clicks shut before Iwaizumi pushes him roughly against it. Oikawa gasps as Iwaizumi’s lips touch his neck and his hands run down his waist to his hips. Iwaizumi sucks at Oikawa’s neck and slides his hands up Oikawa’s shirt. Oikawa is already out of breath and leans his head back against the front door. 

“Iwa-chan,” he gasps breathily.

Oikawa lifts Iwaizumi’s face up to his and kisses him. Oikawa wraps his arms around Iwaizumi’s neck and Iwaizumi’s hands rest on Oikawa’s hips. Their lips work against each other. Lips part slightly to let tongues stroke and caress. Oikawa sinks into the kiss briefly before pulling away. _Can’t get too carried away!_ Oikawa kicks off his shoes and Iwaizumi does the same. Oikawa steps back and takes Iwaizumi’s hand, leading him towards the stairs to his room. At first they walk, but then Iwaizumi pulls ahead and stops on the first step. He looks down at Oikawa, wrapping his arms around Oikawa’s neck. 

“Iwa-chan’s so tall.”

Iwaizumi leans down and kisses him gently.

“Do you like this?”

“I like everything Iwa-chan does.”

Iwaizumi opens his mouth to say something, but instead blushes and looks away. Oikawa giggles and pushes past him up the stairs. Oikawa slides his bedroom door open and turns to face Iwaizumi. Oikawa smiles mischievously and puts his arms across the doorframe, barricading it. Iwaizumi knits his eyebrows together and gives Oikawa a look before pushing Oikawa through the door sharply and onto the bed. Oikawa feels the air leave his lungs as Iwaizumi climbs on top of him in between his legs. 

Iwaizumi leans down and kisses Oikawa deeply. His tongue pushes through Oikawa’s lips. They part willingly. Oikawa runs his hands down Iwaizumi’s back. Their tongues begin to work against each other more passionately. Oikawa sucks at Iwaizumi’s lower lip. He takes it gently between his teeth and pulls away. He let’s Iwaizumi’s lip bounce back into place and feels him shudder against him. Iwaizumi lowers down more onto Oikawa. Oikawa feels Iwaizumi’s hardness against his own and he whimpers slightly. This only makes Iwaizumi kiss him more passionately, fiercely sucking and presses his lips against Oikawa’s. 

Oikawa’s fingers glide down Iwaizumi’s back, admiring every muscle. He traces his fingers delicately up and down Iwaizumi’s spine. Oikawa feels Iwaizumi’s waistband and freezes. He slides his hands up Iwaizumi’s back. Iwaizumi’s hand snakes up Oikawa’s shirt. His fingers feel cool on his warm skin. Iwaizumi’s fingers caress and climb. They knick his nipple and Oikawa breathes sharply against Iwaizumi’s mouth. Iwaizumi pauses and pulls away. 

“You like that?”

Oikawa swallows and nods looking up at Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi pulls up Oikawa’s shirt to his chest and lowers his lips over Oikawa’s left nipple. He sucks gently. Oikawa breathes heavily and runs his fingers through Iwaizumi’s hair. Iwaizumi sucks more intensely and grazes the nipple with his teeth. Oikawa moans softly and grips Iwaizumi’s hair. Iwaizumi pushes up, sitting on his knees between Oikawa’s legs. He takes his shirt off in a swift movement. He leans forward towards Oikawa, but Oikawa stops him. He runs his hand over Iwaizumi’s chest. His muscles are unreal. His elegant neck ends at strong shoulders. Indents of collar bones sit over definite pecs with dark nipples. His abs press casually against the skin of his stomach. _Carved from marble_. Iwaizumi smiles at Oikawa. Oikawa drags a slender finger slowly from Iwaizumi’s throat to his belly button.

“Me like-ky.”

Oikawa winks and Iwaizumi rolls his eyes trying to suppress a smile. Oikawa giggles and grabs Iwaizumi’s middle, pulling Iwaizumi next to him. Lying on their sides, looking at each other. Oikawa slides both hands down Iwaizumi’s chest and abs admiring the work of art before him. He pauses nervously at Iwaizumi’s waistband. _I want to._ Oikawa can see Iwaizumi bulging against the soft fabric of his sweatpants. Oikawa takes a soft breath and looks up at Iwaizumi’s face.

“Can I?”

Iwaizumi nods. Without breaking eye contact, Oikawa slides his hand into Iwaizumi’s sweatpants. Iwaizumi’s eyes flutter closed and his mouth falls open. Iwaizumi groans. The sound makes Oikawa harden even more. Oikawa runs his fingers up and down Iwaizumi’s length, stopping to thumb his tip. Iwaizumi breath comes hard but steady. He opens his eyes and looks at Oikawa.

“Clothes off.”

Iwaizumi’s voice is commanding, and it thrills Oikawa. Oikawa’s heart races. Iwaizumi kisses Oikawa softly on his lips before ripping his shirt off. Iwaizumi stands at the end of the bed and pulls Oikawa’s pants off forcefully before kicking his own off onto the ground. Oikawa is panting and feels his toes curl with excitement. Iwaizumi seems to freeze. His gaze traces Oikawa skin. He flushes a violent red and takes a breath. 

“Uh… God, Tooru. You’re so… God.”

Oikawa smiles and blushes. He bites his bottom lip and reaches his hands out towards Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi takes them and lays back down next to Oikawa. Iwaizumi kisses the back of Oikawa's left hand and looks up into his eyes. For a moment he just stares into what feels like the depths of Oikawa’s soul. The caring warmth from his eye fills Oikawa, steadying the beating of his heart. Iwaizumi huskily mutters.

“You’re beautiful.”

Oikawa’s breath catches in his throat and he looks away in embarrassment. He purses his lips as he can feel himself begin to tear up slightly.

“Geez Cry-baby-kawa! Take a compliment.”

Oikawa grin as Iwaizumi wraps his arms around him. Oikawa nuzzles into Iwaizumi’s neck. 

“I’ll take your silence as a thank you.”

“Thank you.”

Oikawa’s whisper is barely audible. Iwaizumi kisses his forehead and then tilts Oikawa’s head back to kiss his lips. Oikawa wraps his arms around Iwaizumi and kisses him more passionately. They open their mouths simultaneously. Their tongues meeting with increasingly desperate passion. 

In a moment of inspiration, Oikawa pushes himself on top of Iwaizumi.

“I want to try something.” Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow and nods.

Oikawa smiles playfully. His heart begins to thump in his chest as he begins to kiss Iwaizumi’s neck and then down his chest. Oikawa kisses and licks a trail down Iwaizumi, intentionally sucking on his smooth skin to leave tiny pink bruises. Oikawa hears Iwaizumi suck in a sharp breath as he reaches his hip. Oikawa runs his tongue over Iwaizumi’s hip bone and down onto where his hip creases. Iwaizumi gasps and grips the sheets. Oikawa drags his tongue across Iwaizumi’s pelvis and up the length of his erection. Oikawa slides his tongue over Iwaizumi’s head, already slick. Oikawa slides his hands up Iwaizumi’s inner thighs as he sinks his mouth down over Iwaizumi’s cock. Iwaizumi pants and looks down at Oikawa

“Oh God.”

Iwaizumi’s breath comes in short gasps as Oikawa begins to suck, bobbing up and down over Iwaizumi. Oikawa caresses his length with his tongue, taking special time at the tip. He swirls his tongue around it before sinking back down over Iwaizumi. Oikawa takes his right hand and steadily pumps along the base while his left massages slowly Iwaizumi's upper, inner thigh. Iwaizumi is practically choking on the air. His knuckles are white as he clutches at the mattress. Oikawa hums with satisfaction at the success of his work and Iwaizumi gasps. Oikawa begins to increase his speed, taking Iwaizumi’s cock as deep as he dares into his mouth. Iwaizumi moans loudly and arches his back sharply. Oikawa slows suddenly, sucking hard on just the head and circling it with his tongue. 

“Fuck, Tooru.”

Oikawa watches, trying not to smile, as Iwaizumi gasps and convulses under his touch. Oikawa sinks his mouth back down over Iwaizumi’s hard cock and begins to hum again. Iwaizumi pants. After a couple of quick bobs, Oikawa stops and slides his tongue slowly and firmly over Iwaizumi’s tip, his hand still keeping rhythm. A thought enters Oikawa's head. _I wonder…?_ Oikawa continues sucking, but takes his hand from Iwaizumi’s thigh and gently lifts Iwaizumi’s balls. Finger them softly, a guttural, animal sound escapes Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi’s back arches. 

Oikawa speeds up again as Iwaizumi’s breaths become gulps and moans. Every sound of pleasure from Iwaizummi pushes Oikawa closer to his edge. He moans onto Iwaizumi as he feels himself become wet with pre-cum. Iwaizumi grunts. Warmth fills Oikawa’s mouth, salty and bitter. Oikawa sucks and swallows, removing his mouth from Iwaizumi. Oikawa smiles and scoots back up the bed to Iwaizumi who is red and panting. Oikawa walks his fingers up Iwaiuzmi’s chest. Oikawa nuzzles Iwaizumi’s neck and purrs into his ear.

“How was that Iwa-chan?”

Oikawa watches Iwaizumi move his mouth, like a fish gulping out of water. No sound emerges from Iwaizumi’s lips. Oikawa giggles and kisses Iwaizumi’s cheek. 

“Glad to see I'm not the only speechless one.”

Iwaizumi takes a couple deep breaths and turns his head to kiss Oikawa. He takes Oikawa's face between his hands and kisses him deeply. Oikawa reaches up to stroke Iwaizumi’s wrist. But, before Oikawa can touch him, Iwaizumi grabs both of his wrists. Rolling on top of him, Iwaizumi firmly pushes Oikawa’s wrists into the mattress on either side of his head. Iwaizumi leans forward and nips Oikawa’s neck. Oikawa gasps loudly and strains against Iwaizumi's strong grip. Iwaizumi slides both of Oikawa’s hands up over his head and grabs both wrists with one strong hand. Oikawa is panting now as Iwaizumi slowly traces his finger down the side of Oikawa’s body. Oikawa shivers and gulps for air. Iwaizumi drags his fingers over each of Oikawa's ribs and down onto his waist, tantalizing him. Iwaizumi slides his hand lower, rubbing his thumb firmly against Oikawa’s hip. Oikawa is fully erect and sees pre-cum already dripping from his tip. Oikawa moans and strains against Iwaizumi’s hands as his fingers lazily drag along Oikawa’s pelvis. 

“Iwa-chan! Please! Don’t tease me.” Oikawa whines breathily. 

Iwaizumi chuckles and kisses Oikawa’s cheek while drawing circles on Oikawa’s hip crease with his rough, calloused finger. Oikawa pants and strains, almost choking on his own breath.

“Iwa-chan!”

“Ah, ah, ah!” Iwaizumi scolds playfully. Oikawa squirms as Iwaizumi runs his thumb firmly up Oikawa’s thigh. Oikawa struggles to think. _Touch me! Please!_ He gulps.

“Touch me. I beg you. Hajime.”

Upon hearing his first name, Iwaizumi wraps his fist over the length of Oikawa’s cock and slides down his already slick length. Oikawa whines and closes his eyes.

Iwaizumi strokes him gently and slowly at first, growing with speed. Oikawa can feel himself whimper and whine. His back arches on its own. As Iwaizumi runs his hand along his length, Oikawa’s whole body seems to scream with sensation. Oikawa hiccups as his whole body seems to shrink to one place of extreme sensation. Oikawa opens his eyes and looks up at Iwaizumi. His strong hands hold him in place and his eyes embrace Oikawa. Oikawa stares deep into Iwaizumi’s eyes while he pants through the overwhelming sensation that tears through his body. Pleasure and pain wash over Oikawa. He hears himself call out.

“Hajime!”

His body shakes as he whimpers and gasps. Oikawa moans as warmth splits over his pelvis. Oikawa stays frozen locked in place by Iwaizumi’s gaze and hands. He continues to gasps as his breath begins to slow. His orgasm slowly rides out. Oikawa takes a deep breath and moves to embrace Iwaizumi, but they are held in place by Iwaizumi’s firm grip. 

“Iwa-chan, please!”

Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow at him. Oikawa grins and sighs.

“Hajime, please.”

Iwaizumi smiles and releases Oikawa, lying down next to him. Oikawa snuggles himself into Iwaizumi’s chest. Iwaizumi wraps his arms around Oikawa pulling him close. Iwaizumi kisses the top of Oikawa’s head. Oikawa tilts his head up and softly kisses Iwaizumi’s lips before nuzzling his neck. They both sigh together. Oikawa feels sleepiness beginning to creep into his consciousness. Iwaizumi kisses Oikawa’s head and breathily asks.

“That was amazing right?”

Oikawa nods into Iwaizumi’s shoulder.

“Everything is amazing if you’re as sexy as Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi chuckles and pulls Oikawa closer. “We made a bit of a mess.”

“No. We are not getting up.”

Oikawa nuzzles closer. Iwaizumi sighs and kisses Oikawa’s head again, stroking his hair. Oikawa flops an arm and a leg over Iwaizumi.

“No getting up. No cleaning. Not yet.”

“Ok Sleepykawa.”

Oikawa smiles and kisses Iwaizumi’s neck. He can feel Iwaizumi shudder under his lips. Oikawa grins to himself and snuggles in. As soon as he gets comfortable, Oikawa feels dryness starting to fill his throat. _Water._ Oikawa pushes himself up. Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow at him.

“Water.”

He looks around briefly before his gaze settles on his already soiled sheets. _Fuck it._ Oikawa wipes himself off with the top sheet and promptly drops it on the floor. He grabs Iwaizumi’s wrists and pulls him out of bed. Oikawa slides his door open and pops his head out. 

“Anyone here?” He yells into an empty house. 

Silence answers him. Oikawa pushes the door open and yanks Iwaizumi down the hall into the bathroom. The both run down the hall fully naked into the bathroom. Oikawa closes the door behind them with a snap and flips on the shower. He sticks his head under the shower and fills his mouth with water.

“What are you doing?”

Oikawa swallows. “I’m getting water.”

Iwaizumi laughs at him.

“Don’t tease, Iwa-chan. You’re telling me you’ve never done this?”

Iwaizumi shakes his head. Oikawa fills his mouth again and spits a steady stream at Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi jumps out of the way and tries to frown at Oikawa, but can’t muster his typical glare. Oikawa giggles and Iwaizumi stamps towards him. 

“You’ll pay for this Shittykawa.”

Oikawa swallows the rest of his water as Iwaizumi wrestles him into the shower. Oikawa laughs from his belly and playfully fights back as Iwaizumi tries to force his head under the faucet.

“Iwa-chan! My hair.” Oikawa squawks back loudly.

Iwaizumi wins and Oikawa’s hazel locks flat under the stream of water. They are tangled in each other’s arms from the struggle. Iwaizumi slides his arms about Oikawa’s waist, pulling him close.

“Hi.”

Oikawa looks down at Iwaizumi into his shining eyes. Oikawa runs a hand through Iwaizumi’s wet hair looking over his face. 

“Hi.”

Iwaizumi puts his hand on Oikawa’s cheek guiding his lips down for a kiss. Its warmth makes Oikawa’s finger tingle under the steady stream of the shower. Oikawa lets himself sink into it, basking in the tenderness. Iwaizumi pulls away and reaches to turn off the water.

“Not yet Iwa-chan. I’m so warm” Oikawa makes a pouty face.

“I’m cold you’re getting all the hot water.”

Iwaizumi scowls a little at him. Oikawa sighs and turns off the water. Oikawa steps out of the shower and grabs a towel, beginning to dry his face and hair. Smack! Oikawa yelps after Iwaizumi slaps his ass. Oikawa stares in shock at Iwaizumi who is sheepishly picking up a towel.

“Ow! Iwa-chan!”

Iwaizumi laughs and shrugs at him.

“Sorry. It was too cute, I couldn't help myself.”

Oikawa hits him with his towel.

“That hurt!”

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes.

“No it didn’t.”

Iwaizumi takes a step closer to Oikawa pushing him into the bathroom counter. He runs his fingers delicately over the sore place on Oikawa and then over the rest of the cheek. He grips it in his hand and pulls Oikawa closer to him. 

“If you want, I can kiss it better.”

Iwaizumi looks up at Oikawa and licks his own top lip ever so slightly. Oikawa pauses for a second before blushing profusely.

“Dirty! Iwa-chan! Dirty!”

Iwaizumi smiles at him and kisses his shoulder, before returning to drying himself off. 

“We should really wash those sheets.”

Oikawa takes a second to compose himself before nodding and going out to grab his clothes, following Iwaizumi to the door. Iwaizumi pauses as he reaches for the handle. Oikawa stops to admire the sight before him. Iwaizumi’s tight back muscles ripple, as he slides the door open and peaks down the hall. Oikawa traces his gaze down Iwaizumi’s spine lingering on shoulder blades and back dimples. Oikawa’s eyes drift lower and linger on his rounded ass. Oikawa slidles up behind him and leans his chin on Iwaizumi’s shoulder. He runs his fingers over Iwaizumi’s round cheeks and squeezes them. 

“Peachy…” Oikawa giggles as he watches Iwaizumi flush red. Iwaizumi clears his throat and stalks awkwardly down the hall to Oikawa’s bedroom. Oikawa lingers behind enjoying the viewing before practically skipping down the hall after him. Oikawa hops into his room to find Iwaizumi, partially dressed, digging through a chaotic pile of sheets and clothes.

“Have you seen my socks?” Oikawa saunters over to join him in his search, pulling on his pants from the top of the pile.

“Mmmm. No… they’re around here somewhere.” They continue to dig through the pile pulling out crumpled shirts and pants.

“Seriously! Iwa-chan, where are they?” Iwaizumi gets on his knees and looks under Oikawa’s bed.

“If I knew, I wouldn’t be looking.” Iwaizumi grumbles. Oikawa straightens up. No sock in sight. Oikawa walks over and begins to strip the rest of the sheets from the bed adding them to the pile. Iwaizumi crawls over and checks under the dresser. Oikawa surveys the room. A single black tube sock sits draped over a lamp on Oikawa’s bedside table.

“I found it Iwa-chan!” Oikawa bounces over and snatches the sock off the light, waving it triumphantly in the air. 

Iwaizumi pops his head up and jogs over to Oikawa. He reaches for the sock, but Oikawa snatches it away. 

“No thank you?” Oikawa says coyly, with a small grin on his lips. Iwaizumi rolls his eyes. He wraps his arm around Oikawa’s waist, yanking him close. With his other hand he reaches up and caresses Oikawa’s cheek. Oikawa sinks into Iwaizumi’s touch. Iwaizumi drags the tip of his nose along Oikawa’s neck, while whispering.

“Thank you, Tooru.” His husky, deep voice makes Oikawa shiver. Iwaizumi slides away.

“So are we washing these sheets?” Oikawa nods, trying to clean his now thoroughly addled head. 

“I’ve got it Iwa-chan. I’ll be right back.”

He leans to ball the sheets up and skips off to the bathroom, throwing them in the wash. Oikawa adds detergent and sets the machine to ultrasantize. _I don’t want any stains. Can’t be too careful._ He strolls back to the room and peaks in at Iwaizumi. He is scrolling through his phone while lounging on the bare mattress. Oikawa flops down on the mattress next to him.

“What should we do now, Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi pockets his phone and sidles over to Oikawa, giving him a peck on the lips.

“We could make dinner.”

He kisses Oikawa again.

“We could watch a movie.”

He kisses Oikawa a third time, breaking away all too quickly for Oikawa’s taste and heading down stairs. Oikawa smiles to himself and bounces down after Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi is opening cabinets and the fridge.

“What do you want for dinner?”

“Well all I can do is boil water to make instant ramen, so if you want something more elaborate, that’s all you, Iwa-chan!”

Iwaizumi clicks his tongue and shakes his head, pulling two cups of instant ramen out of the cabinet.

“Bakakawa. No imagination.”

Oikawa pouts, feigning indignation and hops up to sit on the counter. Iwaizumi walks over to the fridge, pulling the door open. Oikawa can’t help but stare mesmerized by those arms which strain against soft cotton as Iwaizumi pulls eggs, leafy greens, and miso out of the fridge. He taps the door closed with his foot, arms full of food. Oikawa watches intently as Iwaizumi fills two different pots of water, placing them on the stove to boil.

“What are we having Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi raises his eyebrows as he places ingredients onto the counter. 

“If you can’t guess, you’ll have to wait and see.”

Iwaizumi goes back to the fridge to retrieve some scallions. Oikawa whistles when he bends over. Iwaizumi stands back up smirking. He grabs a cutting board and begins to thinly slice the small onions.

“Jealous Flattykawa?”

Oikawa pinkens and hops off the counter. He walks up behind Iwaizumi and places his hands on each round cheek.

“No, because I can do this.”

He kisses and begins to suck on Iwaizumi’s neck. Iwaizumi doesn’t seem to react, except he stops cutting his scallions. He places the knife down slowly and turns to face Oikawa. Oikawa leans forward and brushes his lips slowly against Iwaizumi’s. Iwaizumi leans forward to kiss Oikawa, but Oikawa backs away just slightly. Iwaizumi misses by millimeters. Oikawa giggles and sees intensity rise in Iwaizumi’s eyes. His pinched brow and the strong gaze thrills Oikawa. Iwaizumi takes a step closer. 

_Phwwwwwt!_ The water in the kettle begins boiling. Iwaizumi sighs and turns back towards the food. He dumps eggs and greens into one pot and pours water from the kettle into the two waiting ramen bowls. Oikawa watches with a slight amount of awe as Iwaizumi sets a timer and turns back to him. Oikawa’s lips twitch with an excited grin as Iwaizumi places his hands on Oikawa’s hips. 

“Who taught you how to cook, Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi shrugs. He looks up at the ceiling, chewing on his bottom lip, thinking. 

“I guess my mom a little. I mostly just leaned on my own by trying things.”

Oikawa looks surprised and cocks his head to one side. Iwaizumi smiles a little and elaborates, “like looking stuff up or reading cook books.”

The timer rings loudly and Iwaizumi pulls away slowly. He turns back towards his pot of boiling water. Killing the burner, Iwaizumi drains the greens and runs the eggs under cold water.

“‘Kawa, will you help me peel these eggs?”

Silence.

Iwaizumi turns towards Oikawa, with a concerned expression.

“You can peel an egg. Right?” Oikawa blushes and shakes his head. Iwaizumi sighs.

“Wow, um ok. I’ll show you.” He pulls Oikawa by the hand over to the counter and retrieves an egg from the cold water bath. “Just tap it against the counter and peel off the shell.” Iwaizumi demonstrates, peeling his eggs neatly, with just a few swift movements. “Then you cut it in half and put it in your ramen.” Iwaizumi cuts his egg and pops it into one of the bowls. Oikawa frowns and taps his egg on the counter, forming tiny cracks in its hard shell. He begins to pick at them, slowly removing the shells piece by piece. 

“So yeah, that’s the general idea. You work on your egg and I’ll finish these off.”

Iwaizumi fetches a spoon. He mixes a spoon full of miso into each bowl, topping with greens, and scallions. Oikawa struggles with his egg while Iwaizumi fetches some chopsticks. He flakes off the last pieces of shell before smiling proudly and presenting his peeled egg. Chucks are missing from its surface, but the shell no longer remains. Iwaizumi scoffs and shakes his head at the poorly peeled egg.

“Good job Stupidkawa, you can peel an egg.” Iwaizumi hands Oikawa a steaming bowl for his egg. Oikawa gapes as he examines his food.

“Iwa-chan! This looks amazing. How do you know my own kitchen better than I do?”

Iwaizumi just shrugs and heads towards the table. Oikawa can see him smile a bit. 

“I mean, I’ve cooked here before.” Iwaizumi clears his throat, “You helped too.”

“Not really. I peeled an egg.” 

Iwaizumi grins. “You’ve got to start somewhere.” They sit down at the table. 

“Itadakimasu.”

Iwaizumi glances over to Oikawa who has already started shoveling his food and asks.

“What are we watching later?”

Iwaizumi lazily takes a bite and watches Oikawa. Oikawa swallows, practically done with his meal.

“You’re letting me choose?”

Iwaizumi nobs and takes another bite. Oikawa smiles mischievously. 

“You know what I’m going to pick…” 

Iwaizumi puts his bowl down on the table and groans.

“Really again!?”

Oikawa cackles and downs the rest of his ramen.

“That’s… what the third time this month.” Iwaizumi complains.

Oikawa nods gleefully and jumps up to deposit his bowl in the sink.

“Seriously Shittykawa, you must have the whole thing memorized by now.”

Oikawa clears his throat.

“A long time ago in a galaxy far far away…”

“No stop!”

Oikawa giggles and sits down next to Iwaizumi, wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing his cheek. 

“We don’t have to watch it if you don’t want to, Iwa-chan.”

“I said you could pick.” Iwaizumi mumbles while taking another bite.

Oikawa snuggles him closer. 

“You’re going to make me spill.” Iwaizumi barks, struggling out of Oikawa’s grasp.

Oikawa groans and whines, “Uhg Iwa-chan doesn’t even like me more than his ramen.”

“It's good ramen.” Iwaizumi retorts.

“It was good ramen. How do you make instant ramen taste so good?”

Iwaizumi shakes his head. 

“Bakakawa, you watched me make it!”

“Finish your ramen. I’m going to get the movie started.” Oikawa floats through the house. The smell of Iwaizumi’s cooking clinging to the air. Oikawa plops down on the couch and grabs the remote. He doesn’t have to do much since it's at the top of the watch list. Oikawa presses play and hollers to Iwaizumi.

“I’m starting it without you, Iwa-chan!” 

Oikawa hears bowls clink in the kitchen. He curls up on the couch, facing the TV. The opening sequence begins to scroll across the screen. Iwaizumi stomps into the livingroom and flops onto the couch next to Oikawa. 

“Snuggle me!” Oikawa pats the couch in front of him, “You can be the little spoon Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi sighs and scoots over, lining himself up against Oikawa’s front. Oikawa wraps an arm and a leg around Iwaizumi. He nuzzles Iwaizumi’s hair and kisses his head. Iwaizumi takes Oikawa’s hand and holds it to his chest. They sink into each other feeling their combined warmth. Oikawa begins dramatically humming along with the open theme, adding hand motions and everything. Iwaizumi groans.

“Cut it out Stupidkawa. You’re gonna knock me off the couch.”

“Come on Iwa-chan! Loosen up a bit!”

Iwaizumi glares back at him, removes his hand from Oikawa’s, then pinches his waist, tickling him. Oikawa yips and sticks his tongue out. When Iwaizumi turns back to the TV, Oikawa can’t help himself but get Iwaizumi back. Oikawa runs his hand along Iwaizumi’s arm up to his armpit, where he gently pokes it. Iwaizumi barks and almost jumps off the couch. Sitting up, Iwaizumi glowers at Oikawa as he cackles.

“If you’re going to tickle me, I can tickle you.” Oikawa says matter of factly. Oikawa watches Iwaizumi try to scowl, but his expression breaks and a little smile creeps across his lips. Oikawa grins widely and opens his arms for Iwaizumi to lay back into them.

Oikawa rests his chin on Iwaizumi’s hair breathing in his subtle lingering smells, citrus and mint. Even though he’d just showered using Oikawa’s products, his fragrance lingers and comforts Oikawa. Oikawa kisses Iwaizumi’s head, and Iwaizumi picks up Oikawa’s hand, interlacing their fingers once more.

“Thanks for watching this stupid movie with me.”

“Stupid movie for Stupidkawa.”

Oikawa giggles and snuggles in closer. Iwaizumi squeezes his hand. Alien species and space-ship battles flash before their eyes. Iwaizumi’s phone buzzes loudly. He pulls it out of his pocket. “Message from Okaasan” is displayed across his screen. Iwaizumi clicks on it and sighs, typing a response back. He sits up and turns towards Oikawa.

“I’ve got to go.”

Oikawa pouts a little.

“Ok.”

“Don’t be too sad. And go to bed at a reasonable hour. We’ve got practice tomorrow. No trilogy marathons.”

Oikawa pouts even more. At his comical apprecence, Iwaizumi chuckles and runs his thumb across Oikawa’s cheek. Oikawa leans into his touch as Iwaizumi bends forward to kiss him. It’s a soft, sweet kiss. If only briefly, it still fills Oikawa’s stomach with butterflies and sends lightning through his body to his fingertips and toes. Iwaizumi pulls away.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t be late.”

“Iwa-chan you’re asking me to do the impossible. I’m always late.”

Iwaizumi smiles and nods. Oikawa goes to get up and walk him to the door.

“Don’t get up. Finish your movie.”

Oikawa smiles sweetly to himself, squeezing a pillow to his chest, as he watches Iwaizumi head towards the door.

“Bye Iwa-chan!”

Iwaizumi waves and shuts the door firmly behind him. Oikawa feels giddy. He grins to himself and turns back towards the TV, squeezing his pillow. _I’m in love with my best friend. And he is in love with me too._ Oikawa tries to watch the movie, but his thoughts always wind back at Iwaizumi, making him blush and squeeze his pillow more tightly. Before long, his mom gets home. Greeting cheerfully.

“I’m home!”

“Welcome back!” Oikawa grins and hops up off the couch to give her a kiss on the cheek.

“Well aren’t you perky. Was Iwa-chan here?”

Oikawa nods and follows her into the kitchen where she drops off some bags and pours herself a glass of water.

“I’m glad you two made up. You were so miserable honey, I was in pain. But I know you have to work these things out on your own at your age. I know I did when I was young. Oh, it feels so long ago…” 

Oikawa smiles and listens as his mom rambles about her day and her friends and her shopping. _This is where I got it._ Oikawa chuckles to himself.

“Do you want tea?”

“Only if you're already making some, Okaachan!”

“Sit! Sit! Tell me about your day.”

Oikawa is shoved down at the table with a cup of tea. His mom plops down across from him with a small sigh and a smile. She raises her eyebrows expectantly waiting.

“Well I had practice this morning.”

“How did it go?”

“Good! Really good. I play a lot better with Iwa-chan there.” She drinks her tea, still listening.

“Then Iwa-chan and I came back here and just kind of hung out all afternoon… um… he made me dinner and we watched a movie.”

“Oh did he now? And I bet you made him watch that silly Sci-Fi movie of yours again too?”

Oikawa nobs.

“He made instant ramen gourmet! I don’t understand. I’m so much worse at cooking than he is.”

Oikawa fake pouts and his mother does too. They both laugh and drink their tea.

“Well, I’m glad you too worked it out. He’s such a lovely young man. I wouldn’t mind if you kept him around forever.”

“I might, at that.” Oikawa says with a soft smile. His mom gives him a poignant look and raises an eyebrow. 

“Is that so? Do tell.”

Oikawa flushes slightly and nervously looks down at the table. His mom reaches across and squeezes his hand.

“Tooru, honey, you can tell me anything ok? I love you no matter what, always and forever. But if you don’t want to tell me that’s ok too. I’m just saying I’m here for you and I love you. Ok?”

Oikawa smiles bashfully and mumbles under his breath.

“Thanks Mom. Love you too.”

“Hmmmm? What was that?”

Oikawa laughs and stands up, taking their empty glasses to the kitchen and depositing them in the dishwasher. He calls back.

“Thank you Mom. I love you.”

“That’s what I thought! Oh good gracious look at the time! Off to bed with both of us!”

Oikawa laughs and jogs to the stairs.

“Good night Okaachan!”

“Sweet dreams, honey!” 

Oikawa walks up stairs and into his room. _My sheets!_ He runs over to the bathroom and moves them from the washer to the dryer, grabbing a fresh set from the hall closer. He makes his bed quickly and flops down onto it. He turns off the light and watches the stars on his ceiling glow. Oikawa remembers when he first put up those stars. Iwaizumi had gotten them for him on his tenth? Maybe eleventh birthday. Oikawa was so excited he dragged Iwaizumi to get a step ladder to put them up himself. He made Iwaizumi hold the ladder still while he stuck them to the ceiling, doing his best to mimic the constellations. The memory makes Oikawa smile while he looks up at his glow-in-the-dark stars. He lays in silence basking in his happiness. He hears the water run in the bathroom followed by the opening and closing of doors and the click of the light switch as his mom heads to bed. Oikawa lays in his bed, looking at the stars for who knows how long thinking of Iwaizumi. 

Oikawa can’t sleep. His heart thuds with joy just thinking of Iwaizumi. The house is completely silent as the night wears on. Oikawa continues to stare, entranced, at the stars. Oikawa’s trance is broken when his phone buzzes loudly. He reaches over to check it. 

<<< Iwa-chan: I’m out front.>>>

Oikawa rereads the messages and sits up.

<<< Oikawa: of my house?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?>>>

<<<Iwa-chan: no of Aoba Josai. Yeah your house stupidkawa. Are you coming?>>>

Oikawa’s heart begins to thud loudly in his chest. _I’ve never snuck out before. We have practice tomorrow. What if we get caught? Didn’t he just tell me to get a good night’s sleep. That hypocrite!_ Oikawa’s mind whirles before settling on the conclusion that spending some time with Iwaiuzmi, his Iwa-chan, is worth the risk.

<<<Oikawa: I’m coming!!! Be there asap :))>>>

Oikawa quietly slides out of bed and grabs a jacket, his phone, and keys before tiptoeing down the stairs and out of the front door. There’s Iwaizumi, sitting outfront in his car, engine running. Oikawa beams and rushes forward towards Iwaizumi, hopping into the passenger door.

“You’re late.”

“Iwa-chan! No fair! You gave me no notice. ALSO! You told me to go to bed early!”

Iwaizumi shrugs and shakes his head while putting the car into drive and speeding down Oikawa’s street. 

“You texted me when you were already here!”

“Still late.”

Oikawa huffs and folds his arms. The car comes to a stop at a red light and Iwaizumi places his hand on Oikawa’s knee. Oikawa looks over at Iwaizumi and shifts his body to face him. Oikawa reaches out and pulls Iwaizumi’s face towards his. At the feeling of Iwaizumi’s lips pressing against his own, Oikawa melts. He feels Iwaizumi’s hands brush through his hair and pull him closer. 

_Honk!_ Oikawa jumps with a yip and pulls away, embarrassed. Iwaizumi scoffs and drives through the now green light, waving his hand at the driver behind them. Oikawa titters. Iwaizumi bumps Oikawa’s thighs with his hand, extending his hand towards Oikawa. Oikawa takes his hand and squeezes it. 

“A little jumpy tonight.”

“I’ve never snuck out before Iwa-chan!”

Iwaizumi raises his eyebrows and makes a left.

“Never?”

“No! Have you?”

Iwaizumi shrugs and keeps driving down deserted streets dotted with light posts.

“What? Iwa-chan! No!”

“I didn’t say anything.” A smile tickles the edges of Iwaizumi’s face.

“Does Iwa-chan have a dark side? A bad-boy at heart?”

Iwaizumi laughs at this and squeezes Oikawa’s hand before removing it to down shift as they begin to climb up into the mountains.

“So, where exactly are we going, mysterious Iwa-chan?”

“Mmmm, around. There’s a nice look out over the city we could drive to.”

“Really? Is there a nice view?”

Iwaizumi nods. “Want to go?”

Oikawa squeezes Iwaizumi’s muscular arm with zeal. They ride on in the silence of the night through the quiet suburbs of the city, slowly climbing into the mountains. Oikawa settles into this comfortable silence. The steady movement of the car and the dark of the night begin to lull him to sleep. Oikawa leans forwards and switches on the radio, adjusting the dial from Iwaizumi’s classic rock to his favorite pop station. Iwaizumi groans as Oikawa leans his seat back, rests his feet on the dash, and begins singing along. 

“Iwa-chan. Do you hate my singing?”

Iwaizumi scrunches his face up. “I wouldn’t say hate. It kind of sounds like a cat being drowned, so it's a strong sort of revulsion.”

Oikawa gasps dramatically.

“Mean! Iwa-chan is so cruel!” Oikawa whines and playfully hits Iwaizumi on the shoulder. Oikawa sees Iwaizumi struggle against a grin before it spreads across his face. 

“If you don’t like my singing, Iwa-chan, just turn the music up louder so you can’t hear me.” Oikawa explains matter-of-factly. Iwaizumi leans forward and turns the music all the way up. Oikawa squeals and covers his ears.

“Too loud!” He screams at Iwaizumi who is laughing hard. Oikawa turns the volume back down to a reasonable level. 

“Too loud!” Iwaizumi keeps smiling and laughing. He rubs Oikawa’s knee again before downshifting once more as they begin to climb on curving roads up the side of the mountain. Oikawa looks out at the shadowy trees whooshing by the car. Their branches reach like hands over the sides of the road, covering the passengers in the car from any view of light. Before long, Iwaizumi slows the car and turns right off towards a gap in the trees. They bump along a dirt patch before stopping at a magnificent overlook of the city. Iwaizumi cuts the engine and the sound of crickets fills the air. 

Oikawa’s mouth falls a little open as he scooches forward in his seat to take in all the lights of the city below. He can see the shining downtown and the slow gradient to darkness as the city disperses. A dark stretch lays behind the lights of the city. The ocean and the mountains meet in vast, unadulterated darkness. Oikawa feels Iwaizumi’s eyes on him. He turns towards him to find him smiling at him. Oikawa blushes a little and leans back in his chair. Oikawa feels a small rush of butterflies as Iwaizumi continues to watch him. Oikawa looks down at his hands as he feels a small smile grace his lips. He looks up shyly through long eyelashes towards Iwaizumi.

“It's a really beautiful view, Iwa-chan. Thanks for taking me here.”

Iwaizumi smiles a bit wider.

“I’m glad. I thought you’d like it.”

“I really do.”

Oikawa leans forwards to bask in the glow of the city, resting his chin on folded arms on the dash.

“Why haven’t we come before?” Oikawa internally winces after hearing his own question. _Shit. I know why._ He feels the awkwardness begin to form and his excitement begins to be soured by anxiety. 

Suddenly, he feels Iwaizumi’s hand on the back of his necks, his thumb brushing his hair slightly.

“I was saving it for something special.” 

Oikawa slides his gaze up to Iwaizumi, who is smiling a crooked half smile at him. Oikawa’s anxiety melts.

“Why do you always know just what to say, Iwa-chan?” Iwaizumi shifts closer to Oikawa, wrapping his arm around Oikawa’s shoulders pulling him closer. Iwaizumi runs his other hand along Oikawa’s jaw, tilting Oikawa’s mouth just centimeters away from his own.

“Because I know you, Tooru.”

Iwaizumi looks Oikawa in his eyes at that phrase. Oikawa feels the wind get knocked out of him as he is absorbed fully by Iwaizumi’s gaze. He leans forward into Iwaizumi’s lips. Oikawa sinks against Iwaizumi as they kiss. He feels Iwaizumi’s strong hands run down his body, pulling him in. Oikawa opens his mouth against Iwaizumi’s, and he shudders as Iwaizumi slides his tongue into and along the roof of Oikawa’s mouth. Oikawa tries to move closer to Iwaizumi, to touch him, to kiss him more deeply. Oikawa’s hip hits the center console between the seats. Oikawa’s arms are around Iwaizumi’s neck, fists clenching his hair and his shirt. Iwaizumi’s touch is slow and deliberate as he slips his hands under Oikawa’s shirt. His hands find Oikawa’s hips and Oikawa’s moans softly into Iwaizumi’s mouth as his thumbs caress Oikawa’s hip bones. Oikawa pushes his tongue against Iwaizumi’s, pulling his hair slightly. At the tug, Oikawa feels Iwaizumi smile. Oikawa pulls away. Iwaizumi is indeed smiling at him. Oikawa narrows his eyes at Iwaizumi.

“What?”

At this, Iwaizumi grins broadly and tries to stifle a chuckle. Oikawa frowns. Iwaizumi moves towards Oikawa, propping himself up on the center console.

“That kind of hurt.”

Iwaizumi smiles up at Oikawa, as Oikawa turns pink. Iwaizumi reaches up and twists a lock of Oikawa’s hair around his finger. 

“Sorry, Iwa-chan.”

“I didn’t say it was a bad thing.”

Oikawa looks over at Iwaizumi and he smiles too and leans closer. 

“What can I say, Iwa-chan? When you’re wearing that tight of a shirt…”

Oikawa bites at the air softly.

“Lean your chair back,” Oikawa whispers into the stillness of the car.

Iwaizumi obeys immediately. Oikawa tries to gracefully maneuver across into Iwaizumi’s lap, but it turns into an awkward scoot. Oikawa’s shoelace catches on the e-brake and slips back against the steering wheel, honking the horn. Oikawa yips and falls onto Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi groans and rolls his eyes so hard Oikawa can practically hear it. 

“Really Stupidkawa, again?”

“It’s not my fault!” Oikawa whines back. “My stupid shoelace!”

Iwaizumi huffs and reaches over to disentangle Oikawa from the car. Iwaizumi guides Oikawa easily to straddle him in the driver’s seat.

“Thanks, Iwa-chan.”

Oikawa looks down at Iwaizumi who is gazing up at him with a tiny smile playing at his lips. Oikawa smiles widely back before dipping his hands under Iwaizumi’s shirt and sliding them up his sculpted chest. Oikawa’s hands come to rest on Iwaizumi’s waist, his fingers catch greedily on Iwaizumi’s abs. Oikawa leans forward and gives Iwaizumi a soft peck on his lips before sitting back up. Oikawa can feel Iwaizumi kiss him back even just for that second. Iwaizumi traces the seam of Oikawa pants from his knees to his hips to his thumbs. Oikawa can feel fantasies begin to play out in his head. He takes a shuddering breath and leans into Iwaizumi’s lips wrapping his arms around Iwaizumi’s neck. 

Their lips work against each other in unison. Oikawa sucks at Iwaizumi’s bottom lip. Taking it between his own and biting it slightly. Iwaizumi kisses Oikawa more aggressively, moving one hand up to Oikawa’s neck, holding him in place. Oikawa can feel heat spreading to his face. He tries to take a breath, but it transforms into a shuddering moan against Iwaizumi’s lips. Oikawa pulls away and leans his head against the seat next to Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi kisses his cheek and scoots over so Oikawa can slide onto the seat next to him. 

Oikawa peaks up at Iwaizumi who is playing with another strand of Oikawa’s hair. Oikawa's breath catches in his throat as he looks at Iwaizumi. _You’re always there for me. You always know what to say._ Oikawa’s heart feels like it might beat out of his chest. _You make me feel…_ Oikawa can’t think of a word for his feelings. _I want to say something to tell you this Iwa-chan. But I might puke._

“Iwa-chan…”

Iwaizumi’s eyes flick from Oikawa’s hair to his eyes.

“I like you. Like, like like.”

Iwaizumi just looks at him. Oikawa’s heart races impossibly fast as nerves begin to rise more violently inside of him. _I want to say more but…_ Iwaizumi brushes some hair across Oikawa’s forehead. 

“I like like you too.”

Iwaizumi’s shine with softness and warmth as he smiles at Oikawa. Oikawa sighs in relief.

“You look so relieved. It shouldn’t be that surprising. I’ve put up with you this long.”

Oikawa chuckles and snuggles closer to Iwaizumi.

“I know, I just get nervous sometimes.”Iwaizumi starts playing with Oikawa’s hair again.

“You don’t need to be nervous with me and I’ll remind you of that everyday, Stupidkawa.” Oikawa smiles against Iwaizumi’s chest.

“Why are you touching my hair so much?”

“You’ve got stuff in it.”

“What?” Oikawa shoots up right in the seat and throws down the sun visor, sliding open the mirror.

“Where?”

Oikawa searches his hair frantically. In the reflection, he sees Iwaizumi smiling devilishly. Oikawa snaps the visor up and turns slowly. 

“There’s nothing in my hair, is there?”

Iwaizumi busts out laughing and Oikawa jumps on him.

“Mean! Iwa~~~~chan!”

Iwaizumi wraps his arms around Oikawa and pulls him close, giving him a raspberry on his neck. Oikawa giggles and squeals while Iwaizumi continues to laugh. Oikawa leans close to Iwaizumi to give him a quick kiss, but Iwaizumi holds him there for longer. Oikawa feels himself go limp in Iwaizumi’s arms as he sinks into the kiss. The lights from the city are the only thing that illuminate the car. A few stars twinkle in the sky, but Oikawa is too preoccupied to notice.

Oikawa’s alarm jars him awake. _No! Too early!_ His eyes are too puffy to open all the way. He fumbles down the hall in the soft morning light and splashes some water on his face in the bathroom. Oikawa tries to remember who and what he is. Memories of last night slowly trickle back to him and he smiles to himself.

Grabbing his volleyball bag, Oikawa leaps downstairs to find his mom already made breakfast and is sipping tea and reading the paper. Oikawa plops down at the table.

“Good morning. Thank you for the food.” Oikawa hurriedly whispers before shoveling food onto his plate and into his mouth.

“Someone had a late night last night.” His mom looks poignantly over her paper.

Oikawa blushes vibrantly. He swallows and immediately takes another huge bite to avoid conversation. _Crap._ A car horn blares.

“Back so soon?” She muses. Oikawa nearly chokes on his food, but manages to swallow it instead. He grabs his bag and races for the door, slamming his feet into shoes.

“I’ll be back later!”

“Have a good practice!”

Oikawa jogs out to Iwaizumi’s car and hops into the passenger's seat.

“You’re late.”

“No! You’re early.” Oikawa slumps back in his seat and yawns. He can feel his eyes water as they beg to be returned to sleep. 

“Sleepykawa.” Iwaizumi tousels Oikawa’s hair before sending the car flying down the street. Oikawa is too tired to even try to stop him.

“It's your fault.”

The long awaited weekend finally arrives. The past weeks have been magical, as summer break continues with volleyball and Iwaizumi. On Friday, the day before Oikawa is supposed to head to Iwaizumi’s, Oikawa boredly lies on his bed, looking up at the stars on his ceiling. His phone buzzes loudly on his nightstand. He shoots up right and snatches the device. A message from Iwaizumi glows on his screen.

Iwa-chan <3: <<<Are you still free this weekend?>>>

Oikawa hadn’t forgotten. How could he? Excitement and nerves fill him just at the thought. He texts Iwaizumi back quickly.

Oikawa: <<<Of course! Iwa-chan! I’ll be there whenever you want me to! :)>>>

Oikawa’s mom was thrilled about the idea and told Oikawa with a wink that he better have a good time. Since the resolution of the previous drama, Oikawa’s nervousness had returned. Thoughts of Ushijima encourched on his mind and weighed on him. _I need to tell Iwaizumi because he should know. I don’t want to keep anything from him. We’ve never had secrets between us. If we are actually going to start something, I need this guilt to be gone. But I’m scared._ Oikawa groans outloud and punches his pillows. He falls on his back and looks at his stars, trapped in a cage of his own thoughts. 

Saturday evening comes and anxiety has sunk its teeth into Oikawa’s conscious mind. Oikawa feels shaky and kind of sweaty as his mom hands him a bag of food to bring Iwaizumi for dinner. She gives him a hug.

“Have a good weekend, Sweetie. I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too. Be back before you know it.” 

Oikawa smiles widely before closing the front door behind him. He steps out onto the stoop and tries to take a deep breath to calm his nerves. He decided to walk to Iwaizumi’s today. Despite both his mom and Iwaizumi’s many protests that they could drive him, Oikawa wanted some time alone. As he slowly strides up his street, Oikawa watches the cracks in the pavement. Hairline fractures that show a progressively shattering surface. He imagines these lines silently spreading across the whole Earth before a fateful day when someone jumps a little too hard and everything shatters into bits! 

Oikawa sighs to himself. _I have to tell him._ He runs scenarios in his head briefly, but they all end in tragedy. _Maybe silence wasn’t a great idea._ He rummages around in his bag to retrieve his phone and headphones, popping on something melancholy and viby. He tries to lose himself in the music, walking to the beat of the song. It is a temporary release from his previous anxious state. 

Soon Oikawa rounds Iwaizumi’s block. The houses sit cuddled together as the sun dips down towards the horizon. He stops in front of Iwaizumi’s house and pauses. Memories of playing volleyball seep into Oikawa’s mind as he looks into the front yard. He takes a deep breath and pushes on, walking up to the front door. He can barely knock before Iwaizumi slides it open. Despite his persistent panic, Oikawa smiles. _You were waiting for me._

“Took you long enough.”

Iwaizumi leans against the wall next to the genkan and reminds Oikawa, “I could have come to get you.” 

Oikawa sighs and removes his shoes, “I wanted to think. There’s something I want to talk to you about.” Iwaizumi nods and sits at the table. Oikawa seats himself too. 

“I want to tell you what happened with Ushijima at training camp.” 

Iwaizumi’s eyes narrow, brow pinched. 

“You don't have to, Oikawa.” 

“But, you deserve to know. I want to be honest with you. Always.” Iwaizumi nobs again and leans his head into his hand, elbow resting on table. The guilt that has been slowly eating at him for weeks makes Oikawa feel nauseous. Oikawa twiddles his thumbs and looks at his knees.

“We kind of hooked up… once.” Iwaizumi raises his eyebrows. 

“I gave him a hand-job and we made out a bit.” Oikawa blurts out. Iwaizumi chuckles. 

“What’d he do for you?” 

“He… tried… to go. To go down on me but… I may have… said your name?” Iwaizumi laughs harder now. 

“You did what?” 

Oikawa blushes and looks more intensely down at his hands, eyes wide. _I can’t believe I’m sharing that. He’s gonna think I’m weird or crazy or both_ . _I’m going to puke._

“Is that how you realized your feelings for me?” 

Oikawa freezes for a second. _Was that how I figured it out? Oh shit, it was._ He nods slowly. Oikawa can feel himself turn even redder. Embarrassment strings him and he feels his throat tighten in response. 

“Stupid-kawa, if thats what it took. I mean… he's super hot, like good going.” Oikawa looks up in disbelief. Iwaizumi gives him a thumbs up without changing his stoic expression. Oikawa’s jaw drops

“Iwa-chan! You tease! Mean!!!”

“No really. Good job.” Iwa scoots over to sit right next to Oikawa. “Come here, Sadkawa. You're here with me now, right?”

Iwaizumi wraps a buff arm around Oikawa’s shoulder. Oikawa has no power to resist and leans into his touch. 

“And I’m never… we’re never losing to Ushiwaka. Got it?” Oikawa buries his face into Iwaizumi’s chest. Both of his strong arms envelope Oikawa. 

“Thank you, and I’m sorry,” Oikawa sniffs weakly.

Iwaizumi kisses his head, “You have nothing to apologize for.”

Oikawa looks up at him tearily.

“What did I do to deserve you?” Iwaizumi smiles, a real smile, strokes Oikawa’s cheak. He leans forward and their lips meet. They kiss softly at first. Slow and gentle kisses that begin to quicken and strengthen. Oikawa wraps his arms around Iwaizumi’s neck, pulling him closer. Iwaizumi growls as he pulls Oikawa onto his lap. Oikawa opens his mouth to allow Iwaizumi’s tongue to enter. Oikawa keeps one hand around Iwaizumi’s neck while exploring his muscular chest and arms with the other. Iwaizumi’s hands inch down Oikawa’s side to rest on his hips. Iwaizumi slowly pulls Oikawa closer to him, pushing Oikawa’s hips against his own. Oikawa’s breath stops in his throat. Oikawa’s hand begins to tug at the bottom of Iwaizumi’s shirt. 

Suddenly, Oikawa’s stomach grumbles, loudly. They both freeze. Oikawa flushes vibrantly and grabs his stomach. Iwaizumi tries to contain himself before falling onto his back laughing on the ground. Oikawa frowns and wraps his arms protectively around his stomach.

“Shut up! Iwa-chan! I can’t help it!”

Iwaizumi stiffles another bout of laughter and sits back up. He brushes a stand of hair away from Oikawa’s eyes.

“Sorry, sorry. Let’s get you some food.” Iwaizumi lightly kisses Oikawa before sliding out from under him and jogging to the kitchen. Oikawa can’t help but smile and blush more as he watches Iwaizumi. Oikawa rests his head on his crossed arms on the table. Tears prick his eyes as he smiles at the table. _I am so lucky to have someone like you._ Oikawa feels Iwaizumi sit down next to him.

“Come on Lazykawa, can’t even get the food out.” Oikawa sniffs and wipes his eyes, while sitting upright to help Iwaizumi unpack the dinner his mom made for them. 

“Hey.” Iwaizumi says softly as he wipes a tear off of Oikawa’s cheak. Oikawa smiles, but another tear falls. “What’s wrong?”

Oikawa feels himself smile widely. “I’m just happy I guess.” Iwaizumi gives him a look.

“Well, I mean, I was just really scared I’d lose you. You mean so much to me and I don’t know what I’d do without you…” Oikawa’s voice trails off, _because I love you._

Iwaizumi smiles gently at Oikawa and wraps his arms around Oikawa’s neck. Oikawa leans into Iwaizumi’s touch and slumps against Iwaizumi’s chest. Iwaizumi kisses the top of Oikawa’s head and holds him close. Oikawa sniffs and grabs onto Iwaizumi’s strong forearm. 

“You’ll have to do a lot more than that to lose me, Bakakawa.”

Oikawa can’t help but giggle. Iwaizumi squeezes him harder.

“Got it, Tooru?” Oikawa nods and wipes his eyes, sitting up. Iwaizumi musses Oikawa’s hair, as Oikawa begins opening up the food, curry and rice. The delicious smells of food fill the room as they scoop food into their bowls. 

“Itadakimasu.”

Oikawa realizes how hungry he is and begins shoveling food. They eat in silence simply enjoying food and each other’s company. 

Breaking the silence, Iwaizumi snorts. Oikawa looks up curiously. Iwaizumi motions with his chopsticks at a long dibble running down the front of Oikawa’s shirt. Oikawa looks down and squawks in horror. He throws down this empty bowl and sprints to the kitchen, wailing. 

“No, no, no! I love this shirt! Iwa-chan!”

Oikawa yanks off his shirt and flips on the faucet of the kitchen sink. He throws the stain under cold water with a panic.

“Iwa-chan! Fix it!”

“What do you want me to do about it?”

“I don’t kno〜〜w! No, no, no!”

Oikawa vigorously scrubs the stain under warm water. Oikawa breathes a sigh of relief as the stain quickly begins to fade. He dowces it with soap and continues scrubbing. The stain is almost entirely gone. Completely focused on his work, Oikawa doesn’t hear Iwaizumi enter the kitchen and walk up behind him. Iwaizumi leans his body against Oikawa, resting his hands on his hip and softly kissing Oikawa’s shoulder. Oikawa stops scrubbing his shirt.

“Iwa-chan. I’m washing my shirt.” 

Iwaizumi slides his hands slowly across Oikawa’s hips and onto his stomach. Oikawa turns off the water. Iwaizumi runs the tip of his tongue across Oikawa’s shoulder and sucks lightly at the base of Oikawa’s neck. Oikawa drapes his shirt on the faucet, willing his knees not to shake. Oikawa rings his hands to rid them of remaining water from them. He slowly turns around to face Iwaizumi. Oikawa looks down at Iwaizumi as he leans forward and sucks at Oikawa’s collarbone. Oikawa closes his eyes and leans his head back. Iwaizumi runs a finger down Oikawa’s spine and pulls him closer. Oikawa inhales sharply. He eyelids flutter. He puts his hands behind him on the counter to keep himself from collapsing. Iwaizumi begins to sucks more intensely, moving up to Oikawa’s neck. With a breathy whisper, Oikawa asks quietly.

“Do we…. it’s … should we?” 

Iwaizumi steps back as Oikawa pants, leaning against the kitchen sink. Oikawa’s eyes flutter open. He looks into Iwaizumi’s eyes, deep and welcoming. Oikawa feels enraptured by them. Iwaizumi drags his gaze up and down Oikawa. Oikawa shivers involuntarily and feels his hardness straining against his pants. Iwaizumi growls, eyes boring into Oikawa. 

“Upstairs. Now.” 

Iwaizumi reaches his hand around to Oikawa’s lower back propelling him forward, up the stairs, down the hall, and into his room towards the bed. Iwaizumi closes the door behind him with a snap. Oikawa plops down onto the bed, leaning back to rest on his hands, and crossing his legs. He looks up coyly at Iwaizumi, batting his eyelashes at the other man standing by the door glaring at him. Iwaizumi clears his throat.

“Are you… do you…?” Iwaizumi clears his throat again. Oikawa giggles at him, blushing. Iwaizumi responds to himself, “I mean I want to.” 

“So flustered. Where did ‘upstairs. now. ‘ Iwa-chan go? Hmmm?” Oikawa flirts.

Iwaizumi flushes and walks towards Oikawa. He leans forward kissing him, pushing Oikawa back onto the bed. Oikawa whispers.  
“I do want to have sex with you, Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi scrunches his face up in irritation. 

“Uhg fine. Hajime…” Oikawa pauses and smiles mischievously. He leans forward and nibbles Iwaizumi’s earlobe. He breaths huskily onto Iwaizumi’s neck. 

“Hajime, I want you to fuck me senseless.” Oikawa feels Iwaizumi stop breathing. Oikawa swiftly pushes Iwaizumi onto his back and climbs on top of him. He sucks at Iwaizumi’s neck, and Iwaizumi shivers under his touch. Oikawa says a little louder. 

“Hajime, I want to not be able to walk tomorrow.” He kisses Iwaizumi’s neck again. 

“I want to feel you inside me, Hajime.” He adds.

Oikawa kisses the other side of Iwaizumi’s neck and can feel Iwaizumi growing hard beneath him. Iwaizumi puts one hand behind Oikawa’s neck and one on his ass, pulling him near. He brings Oikawa’s lips to his own, kissing him. Oikawa can't help but moan as Iwaizumi fondles his ass and runs his fingers through his hair. Oikawa lips part allowing Iwaizumi to run his tongue through the inside of his mouth. Oikawa kisses Iwaizumi and bites Iwaizumi’s bottom lip. Iwa grunts and pushes Oikawa onto his back. Oikawa is hard now, straining, almost painfully against his pants. He feels Iwaizumi’s hardness against his pelvis as he lowers on top of him. They kiss deeply before Iwaizumi pushes back up right. He strips off his shirt, before unbuttoning and unzipping Oikawa’s pants. He slides them off Oikawa, before stripping off his own. He leans forward, but stops, tracing his eyes along Oikawa. Oikawa flushes as he contemplates his own nakedness. 

Iwaizumi bends forward and Oikawa sits up to meet him. Their kiss is delicate and fleeting because Iwaizumi quickly pulls away and steps towards his bedside table. He rifles through his side table drawer and pulls out lube and condoms. He tosses them onto the bed next to Oikawa. Oikawa raises his eyebrows and titers. 

“Iwa-chan came prepared.” Iwaizumi drops on the bed smiling and nodding sheepishly. He kisses Oikawa's neck and shoulder, running his fingers down his chest, thumbing his already hard nipples. Oikawa whines and squirms. Iwaizumi slides his hand down Oikawa’s chest and stomach. Oikawa’s heart thuds wildly in his chest. Oikawa closes his eyes as Iwaizumi strokes his length. Oikawa moans and feels himself already becoming slick with precum. 

Iwaizumi pulls Oikawa in between his thighs and puts Oikawa’s knees on his shoulders. He kisses Oikawa’s inner thigh, sucking lightly and gently caressing with his tongue. Oikawa gasps softly. He hears the bottle of lube open and squirt. Excitement rises inside of him. _Oh God! I want to feel you inside me._ He feels Iwaizumi gently fingering his entrance, slowly circling and stretching. Oikawa whines. One of Iwaizumi’s fingers slides inside him. Oikawa moans and gasps for breath. 

“Oh!” Oikawa toes curl as Iwaizumi begins to gently slide his finger in and out of him. Iwaizumi stretches against him, pulling and widening. He messages methodically against Oikawa’s prostate. Oikawa shudders and shakes as Iwaizumi slides in another finger. The intensity of sensation overwhelms Oikawa.

“Oh god, Hajime.” Oikawa whines, panting. Iwaizumi continues to strain Oikawa’s entrance wider. Iwaizumi kisses Oikawa’s right knee. Iwaizumi slips in a third finger, massaging, stretching, caressing. Oikawa chokes on his own breath. He gulps for air. Oikawa is overrun with sensation as his body acclimates. Pleasure rules his body and Oikawa craves more.

“I need you… Inside me… Please.” Oikawa gasps out each word. Oikawa can’t see even though his eyes are open. His existence had been reduced to Iwaizumi and sensation. He feels Iwaizumi slide his fingers out of him. Oikawa twitches slightly. The emptiness he feels is aggravating. His fingers dig into the bed sheets as anticipation clings to him. He sucks in a breath as he hears the condom wrapper open and the lube squirt. Oikawa feels Iwaizumi at his entrance. Iwaizumi looks deeply into Oikawa’s eyes, searching. 

Oikawa senses Iwaizumi’s hesitance telling him, “Hajime, I’m fine. It’s okay.” Iwaizumi slides slowly into him. 

Oikawa gasps loudly. He sees stars as Iwaizumi sinks into his entrance. Iwaizumi grunts. His voice is husky as he speaks softly.

“Tooru you're so tight.” Iwaizumi kisses Oikawa’s knee. Oikawa can only whimper and gulp for air. “Are you okay?” he asks, softly running his fingers down Oikawa’s thigh.

Oikawa can’t help but blush at the sincerity of his tone. He takes a deep breath and looks into Iwaizumi’s eyes. 

Oikawa smiles. “Yes, Hajime. Fuck me already.” Something shifts in Iwaizumi’s eyes. The warmth remains, but something more raw joins. 

He starts off slowly, simultaneously stroking Oikawa’s length. Oikawa moans loudly. It feels like a yell, but he can't help himself. His back arches as he can feel Iwaizumi move inside of him. Iwaizumi grunts and begins to trust harder and more vigorously. Oikawa whimpers and gasps for air. Iwaizumi begins to match his thrusts into Oikawa with the motion of his pumping hand. His voice is strained and pitchy.

“Oh fuck. Tooru.” 

“Ha-hajime.” 

“Fuck.” Oikawa knows he won’t last long, not at this rate. This intensity of pleasure and the sheer nearness to Iwaizumi makes Oikawa whine. Oikawa gasps for breath and digs his nails into the mattress. Iwaizumi grunts loudly, groaning. 

“Tooru.”

“I’m… I’m… Hajime.”

“Tooru.”

Oikawa’s vision completely blacks out as he feels an explosion of sensation. His back arches sharply, pushing Iwaizumi even deeper inside of him. Oikawa hears himself calling out Iwaizumi’s name and Iwaizumi his. Oikawa’s body convulses as he feels warmth spread over stomach and Iwaizumi’s pace slowly to a halt. They both pant, frozen in the midst of pleasure. Oikawa can feel Iwaizumi still inside him as Iwaizumi kisses his knee gently. Oikawa sucks in a deep breath, feeling his body begin to completely relax. They breathe in unison. 

After a moment, Iwaizumi pulls out of Oikawa. Oikawa shutters against the emptiness. Iwaizumi collapses down onto the bed next to him. Oikawa wants to reach out and pull Iwaizumi close, to kiss him and to hold him, but his body is useless. Incapacitated. All he can do is roll into Iwaizumi’s arms. Iwaizumi wraps him up, as Oikawa flops limply against his chest. Iwaizumi tries to speak. 

“That… that…” Neither of them have the words as they both try to catch their breaths and hold each other. 

Iwaizumi drags a lazy finger across Oikawa’s shoulder. Oikawa shivers. Iwaizumi clears his throat and fumbles with his words breathily.

“W-What the actual… fuck? That was… was incredible, right?” 

Oikawa hums in agreement and nobs his head. He mumbles into Iwaizumi’s shoulder, “I don’t think I can move. Ever. I live here now.”

Iwaizumi chuckles and squeezes Oikawa closer, kissing the top of his head. 

“You got what you asked for then?”

Oikawa giggles and squeezes Iwaizumi a little closer. Oikawa closes his eyes and breathes Iwaizumi in. Sweet sweat tinged with citrus tickles his nose. Peaceful silence envelopes them. Soft breathing proliferates the room. Oikawa has never been so content. No thoughts pass through his head, only happiness fills his being to be with and be near Iwaizumi. 

Iwaizumi shifts. 

“Want to wash up?” Oikawa nods and goes to sit up. Iwaizumi pushes him down and kisses his lips. They stick slightly from drying moisture as he pulls away. 

“Stay here. I'll get you when the waters hot.” Oikawa nods and buries his face in Iwaizumi’s pillows. Iwaizumi’s lingering scent finds Oikawa. _I could stay here forever._ Oikawa is almost asleep when he feels Iwaizumi’s hand on his waist and a kiss on his shoulder. Oikawa pushes himself up, wincing, and leans on Iwaizumi as they walk into the bathroom. 

Iwaizumi takes his hand and guides him into the tiny shower. Iwaizumi steps in after. Oikawa giggles as Iwaizumi positions him under the hot water. 

“Are you going to make me all clean, Iwa-chan?” 

Iwaizumi smirks and grabs a bottle of soap, squirting some onto his hand. He lathers Oikawa up, from head to toe. Oikawa giggles with pleasure to be so cared for by Iwaizumi. He feels warm and tingly, not from the warmth of the water, but from the feeling Iwaizumi gives him. The love Oikawa feels for Iwaizumi warms Oikawa to his soul. Iwaizumi’s gentle touch makes Oikawa shiver and lean into him. 

“Bend forward.” Oikawa obliges without hesitation. Iwaizumi squirts a little shampoo onto Oikawa’s head and washes his hair. Oikawa giggles again.

“Alright, close your eyes.” Oikawa squeezes his eyes closed as Iwaizumi guides Oikawa’s head back under the faucet and rinses the soap from his hair. Iwaizumi runs his fingers through Oikawa’s hair, washing away the shampoo.

“Ok, done.” Oikawa blinks his eyes open, smiling. Iwaizumi leans forward, and they kiss under the warm water in the steam-filled room. Iwaizumi turns the water off and steps out of the shower. He wraps a towel around himself and turns, wrapping one around Oikawa. 

“Stay here.”

Iwaizumi opens the bathroom door and hops out to grab them some clothes. Oikawa smiles sleepily and leans against the shower wall. Iwaizumi trots back and sighs at Oikawa. 

“Come here.” Oikawa giggles and steps out the shower. Iwaizumi grabs another towel and wraps it around Oikawa’s head and proceeds to vigorously dry Oikawa’s hair. 

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa squawks. “You’ll mess it up.” 

“It’s already messed up.” Oikawa frowns. 

“Plus it looks cute like this.” Iwaizumi tousels Oikawa’s hair. Oikawa blushes and smiles at the floor.

“Can you dress yourself or do you need help with that too?”

“Dress me Iwa-chan! I am useless.” Iwaizumi scowls and chucks a bundle of clothes at Oikawa. Oikawa squawks and whines.

“Mean!” 

Oikawa pulls on borrowed clothes. They smell like Iwaizumi, clean and citrusy. Oikawa sighs and smiles as Iwaizumi tugs on his shirt.

“Can we watch a movie, Iwa-chan?” Iwaizumi nods and kisses Oikawa’s cheak. He takes Oikawa’s hand and leads him downstairs to the couch. Iwaizumi grabs a knit blanket and wraps it around Oikawa. Iwaizumi puts his hands on Oikawa’s shoulders.

“I am going to wash the sheets. Lay down, Sleepykawa. I’ll be right back.” 

“Thank Okaachan.” Iwaizumi snatches a pillow off the couch and chucks it at Oikawa. Oikawa giggles and lies down on the oversized couch. _I can’t stop smiling_. Oikawa giggles to himself and squeezes the pillow Iwaizumi threw at him close. Oikawa looks up at the ceiling and just smiles. He closes his eyes and listens to Iwaizumi steps from upstairs. He listens to Iwaizumi start the washer, pad down the hall, and jog down the stairs.

Oikawa hollers, “Iwa-chan!!!”

Oikawa peaks over the edge of the couch at Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi chuckles and kicks at Oikawa’s knee. 

“Did you miss me?” Oikawa grins widely and nods.

“Scoot,” Iwaizumi commands. Oikawa sits up and lets Iwaizumi flop down behind him. Oikawa leans down onto Iwaizumi’s chest, between his legs. Iwaizumi wraps an arm around him, just holding Oikawa. After a breath, Iwaizumi stretches his arm out and grabs the remote off the coffee table. 

“Alien movie?” Oikawa looks up and smiles and nods. 

“If you're ok with that?” 

Iwaizumi tousles Oikawa’s hair and clicks on the TV. Oikawa watches shapes and colors move across the screen, but he isn't really watching. He feels himself being slowly lulled to sleep by Iwaizumi’s warmth and heartbeat. Oikawa is sleepy but has never been so happy. His heart feels full. Oikawa can feel words forming inside of him. Before he can stop himself, he whispers. 

“I love you Iwa-chan.” 

Any other time or person, Oikawa would have taken careful time to say such a powerful statement, but today with Iwaizumi he feels no anxiety for fear. He knows it true, from the depths of his soul he loves Iwaizumi. _I have no doubt_. Iwaizumi stops breathing and stiffens, but Oikawa doesn’t notice, snuggled up against him in all his sleepiness. There is a pause. Iwaizumi bends forward and kisses Oikawa’s head. Iwaizumi whispers horsley.

“I love you too.” 

Oikawa mumbles back 

“That's good because I love you.” Iwaizumi laughs. 

“Silly Sleepykawa. Do you want to go to bed?” 

“No. I want to stay here with you.” Oikawa snuggles into Iwaizumi’s chest, willing himself to stay awake. Iwaizumi wraps a lock of Oikawa’s hair around his finger. Soon, Oikawa drifts into sleep with a smile still on his lips. 

### Epilogue

Oikawa wills himself to walk slowly down the hall. _Don’t run. Don’t run._ Each step is excruciating as he walks away from Ushijima. His throat feels tight and his eyes begin to sting. _Shiratorizawa my ass._ Oikawa enters an empty corridor and begins to chew on his cuticles. He feels weak and sinks to the ground, dropping his head between his knees. Oikawa can feel his hands shaking. _God! Why does he make me feel so nervous?_ Oikawa leans his head back against the wall and takes a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves.

His thoughts are a jumbled mess. Anxiety and self-doubt battle with his better judgement. _I wish I could be like him! He’s perfect!_ Oikawa continues to pick at the corners of his fingers, ripping off tiny bits of skin. He sniffs loudly and looks up at the fluorescent lights in the corridor. Tears prick his eyes. _Keep it in. Don’t let him win!_

He hears footsteps echoing down the hall. He scrambles to his feet, sniffs, and wipes his eyes hurriedly. Iwaizumi rounds the corner with a concerned expression on his face. Oikawa sees him and his composure breaks. Tears stream down his face. Iwaizumi jogs over to him and wraps Oikawa up in a big hug.

“Ran into Ushiwaka?”

Oikawa nobs into Iwaizumi’s neck. 

“I’m sorry, Tooru. I know he makes you nervous.”

Oikawa sniffs and Iwaizumi strokes the back of his head. Iwaizumi puts his hands on Oikawa’s shoulder and pushes him upright. Iwaizumi looks into his eyes with an intense glare.

“I love you. You’re Oikawa Tooru. The best setter I have ever met. Who cares about Shiratorizawa. Let’s crush their asses.”

Oikawa blushes and smiles.

Iwaizumi leans towards Oikawa, “What is it you’re always saying? Talent gets polished and instinct blooms?”

Oikawa laughs. He leans forwards and kisses Iwaizumi. Oikawa lets himself, even for just a second, sink into his familiar, loving touch.

“Close enough.” Oikawa takes a shaky breath, “Win or lose, I love you too.”

“Shut up Stupidkawa. We’re not going to lose.” Iwaizumi shoves him back in the direction he came from. Oikawa squeeks.

“Ow! Mean! Iwa-chan is mean!” 

End

**Author's Note:**

> This piece began as a desire to write OikawaxUshijima smut based loosely on Call Me By Your Name, but evolved into something quite different. It ended up being an allegory about my own self-efficacy when it comes to my own mental health. Let me explain, Ushijima became a metaphor for my anxiety, insecurities, etc and Iwa-chan became self-care. I realized the choices I make impact my health and it takes work to choose to care about myself and be kind to myself, but it makes me feel a lot more whole. This is not to say relationships will do that; this is a metaphor.  
> Please take care of yourself because you are worth it. Pining after your own Iwa-chan is great (lord knows I do it myself), but sometimes you've got to take care of your own self too.


End file.
